What is your balancing pole ?

Urmila Chanam *

The most important survival tactics in life is the skill and ability to “center ourselves” and find our “balancing pole” as many times as need be to maintain our equilibrium no matter what life throws at us failing which we are bound to fall, be ineffective to achieve our goals and aspirations or be simply miserable!

Just like a potter moulds a beautiful vessel on the potter’s wheel all the while centering the clay to give the perfect shape to a pot, a man balances with the help of a pole on a tight rope walk making sure he neither falls this way or that, and trees sway in different directions during a storm but still withstand all the forces to stand tall, firm and erect, so should we find our “balancing pole” to withstand all the forces that threaten to derail us with life’s many challenges.

Life will come with different challenges where we will experience sadness, loneliness, sickness, financial constraints, family problems and so on and it is then that we need to make a conscious effort to center ourselves, reminding ourselves that whatever obstacles or lows we are facing at that moment are not the only reality in our lives and we have other positive things going on too.

A shift in the way we reason with our feelings can shift gears in how we live the days of our lives impacting every aspect in it.

For each individual their balancing pole may be different but for many, a quiet time in the morning or before sleeping, gratitude and being thankful for all the big and small things that are good in your life, faith (in God, supernatural power, family, even the power of good), discovering your purpose in life, finding your passion, and service both in your professional and personal capacity- anyone of them or all act as centering exercises that recharge the spirit to go unscathed from the blows life throws at us.

Life being a roller coaster ride that it is threatening to throw us off balance, we will not just survive but thrive if we keep ourselves centered and doing that is our sole responsibility, not anyone else’s.

Parents experience immense anxiety, even guilt when they fall in the trap of believing that whatever happens in their children’s lives, good and bad, is all their responsibility due to which they lead their lives trying to steer their children towards what they want for them as per their own ambitions.

When asked how to raise children, Khalil Gibran in his book, The Prophet, wrote that your children may come through you but they are not yours but belong to life meaning they come with their own purpose and destiny.

The only role parents could play is likened to a bow which can’t decide in which direction or how far the arrow (likened to children) will go because it is the archer which decides that but they can focus on being strong enough so as not to break when the archer pulls it to shoot the arrow.

This understanding can help us to “center ourselves” as parents or children especially when the latter are starting out on their own after finishing their education and stepping into the real world far away from the protective shelter of their parents, family and teachers.


Excerpts from Dr. Antony Robert Charles’s valedictory speech for graduating students in Bengaluru.