Don't wanna miss the Misses

M Sadagopan *

Free Thinker (Poking Nose Without Malice) had written an article on Miss Contests and its significances. Very well written indeed which I enjoyed reading. Here, Roller Coaster Write is also bringing out to the fore regarding his imagination on proliferation of umpteen Miss Contests and more contests of different hues throughout the nook and corner of the world in the days to come.

When we were kids, we heard only about Miss Universe and Miss World which were carried out in vogue in western countries followed by Miss Earth, Miss World Best in Swimsuit, Miss Dream Catcher, Miss Global, Miss International, Miss World Talent, Miss World Beauty with a Purpose, Miss World Top Model, Miss Porn….Oops! Sorry, Miss Prom and the likes. Other countries also hold their own Miss contests.

Gradually, such kinda contests reach India in the form of Femina Miss India, Femina Miss India Heritage, Miss Diva, Miss Himalaya Pageant, Miss India Khadi, Miss India South, Miss India North, Miss India Worldwide India, Miss Teen India, Miss Wow, Little Miss India, Miss KIIT Nanhipari and many other Miss contests conducted by corporate giants. We have regional contests also such as Mega Miss North East Contest, Miss Sunsilk Mega Miss Contest etc. It did not take long for the state of Manipur also to come up with various Miss contests.

Now our state organises many Miss contests such as Miss Manipur, Miss Kut, Miss Orange Queen, Miss Pineapple, Miss Meitei Chanu, Miss Ougri, Miss Shakhenbi Ningol, Seven Sisters Miss Barak, TAPRO Miss Manipur, Miss Sikpuiruo, Miss Siruy, Miss Sangai, Miss Kangleipak etc., most of which are traditional and the number of such contests keep on increasing with each passing year.

In our country, just like Miss Sunsilk Mega Miss Contest, if big companies keep on coming up with new Miss contests, we may encounter in the near future various kinda Miss contests such as Miss Maggi, Miss Horlicks, Miss Complan, Miss Haldiram, Miss Cadbury, Miss Surf Excel, Miss Coalgate, Miss Reliance, Miss Aditya Birla, Miss Wipro, Miss Tata Motors, Miss Heavy Metal, Miss Death Metal, Miss Parotha, Miss Rajgullah, Miss Samosa, Miss Dahi, Miss Biryani, Miss Dosa, Miss Engine Oil, Miss Banana, Miss Roast Duck, etc etc…. The list will be endless.

Given below is a list of contests which may or may not arise:-

Miss Hardware Contest. A goliath company that manufactures hardware items for household and industrial items might sponsor such a contest. The judges might ask question to the winner such as "Why are you interested in this contest". The most probable answer would be, "It's hard to imagine a life without hardware. I want to be the harbinger to convey a message to the hardware companies to manufacture quality hardware products at prices affordable to the poor".

Miss Software Contest. There are so many software giants in India. Who knows Infosys or Tata Consultancy Services may come up with such a contest. The judges might ask the winner "What is the difference between Software and Hardware?" and the most probable answer may be "Software is the mind and Hardware is the body".

Miss App Contest. Nowadays, there are innumerable companies that develop Apps for android smartphones ranging from games to entertainment to payment portals to health monitoring ones. Who knows some companies in collaboration may come up with such a contest. The judges might ask the winner "What is the significance of participating in this contest?" and the most probable answer is "Apps make our life easier and I would like to be an App Ambassador so that App developers come out with better apps for the future pillars of the society, and by the way a big NO to apps such as Blue Whale that ignites the suicidal tendency of the user".

Miss Alarm Clock Contest. We are not buying Alarm Clocks anymore as our smartphones can be used as Alarm Clocks. The judges might ask to one of the participants "What improvements do you want in your smartphone's alarm clock app?". The right answer would be "Respected members of the jury, whenever the alarm clock rings in the morning, it is a common practice for us to snooze it and resume sleeping, so my humble appeal to the app developers is to install an app in the smartphone where the target individual gets a jolt of feeble electricity instead of ringing incessantly which I think will be more effective". Well, out of the box thinking. The judges would not hesitate to give her a full score.

Miss Robot Contest. Well, this contest will scare the shit of most spectators as well as the jury. However, such a contest will enable us to gauge how advanced the robots have become in this contemporary world.

Miss Artificial Intelligence. This contest will be restricted to humanoids or cyborgs only. The judges may ask questions like "What will be the result of 12x22x32x42….upto 20002". The winner humanoid will give the correct answer within a fraction of a second. The judges might also be compelled to ask "Do you feel love, anger, joy, pain, loneliness, hot, cold and desire to make friends and mingle with the humans?". The likely answer is "More than you do, Sir".

Miss Extra Terrestrial. It is said that our Milky Way galaxy is comprised of billions of stars, not to mention the universe, which means billions of solar systems. The writer is of the opinion that out of the billions of solar systems, there definitely must be life forms in some planets of some solar systems.

A few millenniums from now, there might be inter-galactic federations and the humans may meet extra-terrestrials from other planets or co-exist together just like their neighbours. When such a time comes, there may even be a Miss Contest for Extra Terrestrials held on planet Earth. The jury might ask the participants with questions galore such as, "Why do you visit earth?". The likely answer may be "To save you humans".

A member of the jury might ask, "Saving us? From whom?". The most probable answer would be "To save you from yourselves", an answer that may leave the jury flabbergasted. An ET participant might continue, "The earth's lifespan is a billion plus years but you the humans have tried to destroy it within a millennium. You boast that you're the best creation of what you call God but in reality you are the worst creation of your God". There may be further questions from the jury such as, "How do you find the humans compared to other life forms of other planets?".

The likely answer may be, "Out of all the simians we have come across, we have found out that you humans are the greediest ones". Well, do their to-be answers ring any bell inside your head?

Over and above all the miss contests, what the writer feels is inclusion by all stakeholders concerned for a Miss Ugly Contest, a Miss Blind Contest, Miss Handicapped Contest etc. Such contests will surely motivate and inspire the not so lucky ones (ugly and deformed ones) to come out on stage and will definitely provide special significance to them in such a way that their confidence gets boosted and give them the courage to mingle with the society without any low self esteem. Hope such contests materialise in the days to come.

Well, I have spoiled your morning with this write-up which is full of rubbish. Please allow me to stop here before I bore you to death.