Develop Resilience

Bienhome Muivah *

Character cannot be developed in ease and quite. Only through experience of trail and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved
-Helen Keller

As Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote, "Into every life a little rain must fall." Before our life journey is complete, each of us will face adversity in one form or another. Some people are broken by what happens, and they never recover.

You might write their epitaph: "Died at 30; buried at 70- that is, if they live to 70, which many of them may not. Why? Because when they were 30, something extraordinarily difficult happened-for example, a child or sibling or spouse died; they were sexually assaulted; they were falsely accused and imprisoned; or something similar-and in effect, they have dying little by little, day by day, ever since.

Others bend and sway when the winds of trouble blow. Rather than break, they remain flexible and strong, and they bounce back. This is usually a process, rather than an immediate recovery, since most people need time to grieve their loss, learn and grow from it, and then accept and adapt to their new normal.

Those who seem to bounce back immediately may be saying the right things or doing the right things in order to gain approval from others, whether family or friends, or even from God. This is common in churches that teach their members that they should always be "up" and never "down", joyful in all circumstances and even thankful for them too.

False resilience of this type often results in some kind of emotional, spiritual, physical, or sociological disintegration later, possibly decades later.

Resilient people are not just strong, independent types. They are willing to express their emotions and to reach out to others, both in their period of adjustment, and later, in an effort to share what they have learned with others facing similar difficulties.

Resilient people tend to adapt more easily to change and to be more optimistic than pessimistic. They don't give up easily, and they maintain hope even when it's difficult. Despite their difficulties, they can see the humor in situations. They handle uncertainty better than others and they like challenges.

The Resiliency centre reports, "Longevity research is showing that adults with psychological resilience age more slowly, live longer, and enjoy better health.

The Mayo clinic suggests the following as you seek to nurture resilience in yourself:
Get connected. Build strong relationship with family and friends.
Use humour and laughter. Remain positive and find humour in distressing or stressful situations.
Learn from your experiences. Recall how you previously coped with hardship and draw on those experiences.
Remain hopeful and optimistic. Look toward the future and expect good results.
Take care of yourself. Tend to your own needs and feelings, both physically and emotionally.
Accept and anticipate change. Be flexible. Expecting change makes it easier to adapt.
Work towards goal. Do something everyday that gives you a sense of accomplishment.
Take action. Don't wish your problems away. Make a plan and take action.
Learn new things about yourself. Find out what makes you tick.
Think better of yourself. Trust yourself to solve problems and make sound decisions.
Maintain perspective. Look at your situation in the larger context of your life. Know that your situation can improve if you actively work at it.
Most healthy people learn to adapt changes as an ebb and flow of life. They may feel sad over the loss of what was, but they eventually adapt and adjust to what is.

Resilience involves changing actions and thinking to match the new situation. When people don't adapt or adjust, they tend to live in the past and miss out on the reality of today, day by day, month by month, year by year, until their sad journey is over.

Let us pray to God to grant us more resilience this year which indeed is a sure sign of victory in our life's journey.