Imphal, June 20 2009: 'Looking at my three children, I am trying to forget the harrowing experiences of the past'.

These are the words of Chitra who lost both her first as well as the second husband in the prevailing gun violence.

There are hundreds of women like Chitra in Manipur who are trying to piece together their shattered lives after their life partners have been killed without any trial by the State actors, non-State actors or simply armed hooligans.

When her first husband fell to the bullets of CRPF personnel, Chitra thought it was her destiny.

But thinking that living under the protective care of a husband may shield herself from the scornful look of the society and put an end to the persistent nagging of her child who did not know his father, she tied the knot again.

Unfortunately, her second husband too fell to the merciless bullet of unidentified armed person and she never knew why her second husband was killed.

When death of a husband is something that any women would not wish for, the double tragedy in her life has shattered Chitra completely and today she is surviving in the hope of her three children from her two short-lived wedlocks.

Talking to The Sangai Express on the sideline of the Global Week of Action Against Gun Violence which is being observed every year from June 15 to 21, Chitra recounted the past incidents that she has been trying hard to forget but cannot.

On April 25, 1991, Chitra, then 23 years of age, was married to Laimayum Pradipkumar of Brahmapur Aribam Leikai, who was an attendant in RIMS.

The couple were in love and full of expectation from life.

However, after four years into wedlock, on January 6, 1995, Pradipkumar was among nine killed in the CRPF firing at RIMS gate.

At that time, Chitra was three months pregnant with their first child.

"As we could not conceive even after 3/4 years of marriage, we consulted many doctors and prayed to God for His blessing.

When God finally listened to our prayer and I was conceived with our first child, we nurtured many hopes and dreams for our child.

But alas, he is no more", Chitra recalled while trying to hold back her tears.

After the Shradh ceremony of her husband, Chitra returned to her maternal home where she gave birth a son.

"At the time of giving birth, I missed my husband and liked to see him so much that I cried a lot.

I had also been wondering how I am supposed to live without him.

After seeing our child, a new courage came over me and I resolved to carry on with life", Chitra said.

With the efforts of the Association formed in connection with the killing, Chitra had received the ex-gratia of her husband and after her family members ran from post to pillar, she was appointed to the post of her husband in RIMS.

Chitra went on to say, 'Life of a young widow in the society is full of hard-ships with people ready to take advantage and mock at at any given opportunity.

So I thought perhaps living under the protective care of a husband would be better not only in fending myself from the scornful look of the society but also in ensuring paternal love for my son who had not known his father'.

When her son was 6-yrs old, Chitra finally entered into wedlock for the second time with Heisnam Biren of Thanga Oinam Leikai who was a contractor by profession.

She gave birth to two daughters from the second wedlock.

Together with the three children, Chitra and Biren were starting their life anew when Biren was shot dead by unidentified armed persons on May 17, 2008 .

Chitra is currently staying at her maternal home.

The eldest son is now studying in class VI and the two daughters are respectively 5 and 3 years old.

To supplement the income of the family after losing both her husbands, Chitra, while continuing her job as the attendant in RIMS, is also working as a cook at Irengbam Thamcha Devi Nursing Health Care Research Institute receiving a monthly pay of Rs 2000.In the morning as well as in the evening, she cooks food for the students of the nursing institute and in the office hour she goes to attend her job at RIMS.

To bring up her three children as successful persons in life has been her only motive in life today.