Shanti Thokchom's Life Experiences
- Part 39 -
Road trip to NAMA convention 2009 at Maryland

By Shanti Thokchom *

We left for Maryland from Simon's place after a good breakfast. They said they would follow us later. He printed out the google map for the NAMA event center. It took us an hour to reach there. Just a little before we got there, Mr. Hari Singh of Chicago called and requested Oja Mani to be the Chief Guest & that we were waited for our arrival. We just had only 20 minutes to get there so I had to think fast !! What to do in this situation.......???

Oja Mani was taken aback as he could not imagine himself being a Chief Guest at such an important gathering of the Manipuris here !! I knew his head was going round in circles at the very thought of it ! "how would all the general NAMA folks receive him...., how would he speak to them on what topics & stuffs like that " I had to bring him back to reality even while driving in that busy road.

I asked if he brought any suit or not. He was just wearing a black color Hawaiian themed shirt & cargo shorts . Thank god, he brought one suit but no proper bush shirt to go with it. But we had to improvise fast..We didnt have enough time to ponder so we stopped at a stop sign near some residential apartments before the NAMA venue.

The good sport that he is, Oja Mani just pulled his shorts down & began to dress up for his D-DAY as the 2009 NAMA chief guest, all the while we both were laughing cos he said that it was the 1st time in his life that he had to get dressed up like this that too, out in the open public space.

We were lucky, there was no one around to witness except for some passing cars whose occupants peered out of their cars wondering "what in the world were these loonies doing out there? the senior guy pulling up or down his pants oblivious to the watching world? " But hey, the end product was that Oja Mani was ready to go and be the Chief Guest.. thats what mattered most at that crucial time .......izzat ka sawaal hai,mai baap !!( it was a great matter of honor for him ,Lordy Lord !! ).

No one knew what we had just conspired & done at the STOP sign... We were pretty proud of ourselves. He gave himself a pat on his back but he could not help laughing out silly cos I knew that the very thought of his changing clothes at the STOP sign came back to him again and again. We didnt disappoint anyone. Everyone was glad that we made it in time.

I was able to meet up with other known NAMA members and many new ones too. There were more little kids this time. It was nice to see the family take care of them, I mean ...both the husband and wife team !! I could see the changing dynamics of the roles of parenthood among our Manipuri folks. Its no more the days of yore where the women would be the sole care taker for everyone in the house and the men would take it for granted that very role.

Maybe back home, it must not have changed a lot but I am talking about the present situation here. Its a great relief & heartwarming to see the men pitch in to help change the diapers & bottle feed the babies !! Gone are the days when men would just sit back and leave everything to the women of the house for child care & other household chores...! ! !

At least here in the States and in other cities in India....from my experiences after having met .....and interacting with them......I can say this now......!! except for a few neglible % who still call out to their wives as " hey! nupi! kwa purak u, ising pirak u, chaak thangat lo ! etc ( Hey! Woman, bring betel nut, water, cook rice )......Its interesting because the women folk also willingly go along with it !!

The men folks are in fact doing quite a good job of it & enjoying being with their kids while the first time moms are the hardest ones to deal with as they are so obssessive of their roles that they would deny themslves their "me time alone " and feel stressed out of their own doing !! While the dads are pretty much relaxed about stuffs.

The moms obssess about the kids' food, drinks, dress etc.Its natural to feel that way but you know,the kids are not going to eat any more than what they want ,if you keep a tab on them but give them choices & more freedom !! and step back a little bit...maybe just may be it would be a great help to yourselves too !!

They will eat what they need and want & not what you want and need them to eat !! They go through different phases as they grow up. I know you all moms, in your eyes, your kids will always look skinny cos you want them to eat more and more and that you would refuse to hear anything when people say they are healthy !!

I like the banter going on between such young parents..The dads would say calmly ,"kei dou rage, cha ning ba adum chaja sanu,"(whats the matter, dear? let them eat what they want ,) but the moms would retort back hastily with their fangs out ,"nang na keisu khang de , mai pabung /or tamo ! (you know nothing, my dear/ brother ---(calling your hubbies Tamo (brother ) in this age seem too outdated & middle ages..it only is prevalent in the our region.. ..forgive me again...as I dont belong to this category! but no hard feelings .....to no one..each to his own...!!

Its understandable cos some of the moms come from a very sheltered life & so used to having others to help them & they find it hard to transition to let go and relax !! Nothing to make you all upset but am just sharing my own view point !! This is to say you are doing a helluva good job of raising a child .....try and relax more so as to be able to care for them much better !!

Your kids can sense easily if you are nervous, anxious, jittery, impatient, angry, upset etc....and it would become a tug-of -war for moms during feed times cos they gonna do the same thing over and over again. I can only say take a deep breathe and let kids be kids and let them grow up naturally with no pressures from parents !!

I know some of you may like to crucify me for saying this but its a true fact !! whether or not you like it !!

To be Continued.......