How to Overcome Our Sense of Guilt : The Case of Angulimaala

Dr. V. Ramakantha *

The painting depicts the first meeting Buddha had with Angulimala, a highway killer who murdered 999 people for the purpose of making an offering of 1000 human fingers to his teacher.
Painting location : Sri Lanka
Pix : Wikipedia.org

A large number of us are burdened with a sense of guilt, stemming from the wrongs that we have committed knowingly or unknowingly. If repentance were to erase this sense of guilt in us, I would have recommended several hours of repentance each day, but as goes my experience, it is not the best way to overcome our sense of guilt. Past cannot be retrieved, but the past impressions that get embedded in our hearts can be erased by a Guru of caliber. Seeking help from such an adept is the best thing that we can do in our life, as human potential for spiritual evolution will always be there, regardless of one's past. The story of Angulimaala testifies to this truth.

'Angulimaala' was a name that people gave to a dreaded human being who adorned himself with a garland of fingers that were chopped off from the right hands of his victims. The parents of Angulimaala, a Brahmin couple, had given the name 'Ahimsaka', (the non-violent one) to their son. Ahimsaka grew up under normal circumstances in the kingdom of Kosala, and was privileged to pursue higher studies in Takkashshila (Taxila), a centre of education in ancient India that attracted students from all across the globe.

However, Ahimsaka had inborn tendency for violence, and circumstances in his life propelled him to pursue a terrible ambition. He took it up on himself to accumulate a thousand little fingers, chopped off one each from the right hand of a thousand people. This propensity for violence, it is held, stemmed from Ahimsaka's former existence as a Yakkha, a spirit of great strength and enormous appetite for human flesh. Some of the characteristics of Ahimsaka were that he was exceptionally strong both in his mind and body; and a total lack of compassion.

Initially, Ahimsaka waylaid pilgrims and merchants who passed through desolate areas, and killed them, taking his bounty of a single finger from his victim. He made a garland of such fingers and hung it on a tree. But when carnivorous birds and animals started snatching away those fingers, he decided to wear the thread of fingers around his neck, and thus came to be known as the dreaded 'Angulimaala' - the one who wears the thread of fingers.

Terror of Angulimaala spread far and wide. When people got scared to travel in such wilderness areas, Angulimaala found his victims in distant villages, that were not adequately guarded by the army of king Pasenadi of Kosala. Soon enough, he could manage to accumulate 999 human fingers. As he was about to accomplish that feat by chopping off the little finger of his own mother, who had come to warn him of soldiers who were about catch him, Buddha the compassionate intervened, wearing a set of three robes of saffron.

As he was contemplating on killing his own mother to fulfill his ghastly ambition, he saw a monk walking past him. Angulimaala was delighted that he could now spare the life of his mother, and he set forth to kill the monk. However, though he ran at his best, he could not catch up with the monk who was walking in a slow pace, as it seemed. Angulimaala, getting tired of chasing that elusive target cried out, "Stop, monk, stop"

Siddhartha through meditation had transformed himself into Gautama Buddha. He had been imparting spiritual training for about a couple of decades. "I have stopped long ago" said Buddha, "and it is perhaps time for you to stop."

"I have been running to catch you, and you too are not motionless. How is it that you claim that you have stopped and that I haven't?" asked Angulimaala, gasping for breath.

"Angulimaala, I have stopped forever, foreswearing violence to every living being" said Buddha, "I have established myself in universal love. However, you continue to ill-treat all beings. Though you too have that potential for universal, unconditional love, I see nothing but selfishness and desire in your heart. That is why I say that I have stopped, and you have not as yet".

It did not take long for Angulimaala to realize that he was not confronting an ordinary human being. He fell at the lotus feet of Buddha. Soon his mind blanked out and he became oblivious to everything. Pathos surged from deep within him, emanating from his guts as it were, and Angulimaala started weeping profusely. His wails rented the air and his tears wetted the lotus feet of the Master. He wept and wept and wept, while time stood still. The waves of Divine love that oozed from the heart of the Enlightened One cleansed and softened the hard heart of the marauder. Thus began the spiritual journey of Ahimsaka.

Ahimsaka followed Buddha like a dog follows its master. When Pasenadi, the king of Kosala came to capture Angulimaala, they found him at a monastery of Buddha. As Buddha assured them that he was no more Angulimaala, but has become a bhikkhu, the king and his men agreed to leave him in the care of Gautama Buddha.

In the beginning, while Ahimsaka sat for meditation, pathetic cries of his unfortunate victims came alive in his mind and haunted him. However, gradually he learned to ignore thoughts that emerged in his mind during meditation as unwanted guests, and focused his attention on the divine light within his heart. Ahimsaka followed a life of discipline and continued to meditate under the guidance of Buddha, the bright student of Takkashila being reborn in him.

Having a living Master was a great opportunity given to Ahimsaka. Though he stayed in the monastery, physical proximity to Buddha was rare to come by. Ahimsaka's mind got focused on Buddha, and his heart yearned for the Darshan of Buddha, and nothing else. This very longing in the heart propelled him towards spiritual elevation. There were times when Ahimsaka experienced bliss in meditation; and there were times when he experienced splitting headaches and bouts of vomiting. Ahimsaka neither sought bliss nor was he averse to physical suffering. He wanted oneness with Buddha, who he realized, represented the Ultimate. Time did its work.

Ahimsaka felt lighter and serene, and there were no more of pestering thoughts in his mind. He no more brooded over his worldly acts of past; and he attained freedom from the fear of the unknown. Over the years Ahimsaka came to experience an overwhelming sense of gratitude, which in its ultimate form, turned into divine love akin to the one that emanated from the heart of his Master. A vicious killer who did not know what compassion meant turned out to be one of the eighty revered Arihantas of Buddhist Order.

Though he was in the set of three robes, typical of a Buddhist monk, once, when Ahimsaka was out in a distant village, collecting alms, people who could not forgive him of his past deeds pelted stones and beat him with sticks, causing grievous injuries. It was but late when Buddha arrived on the scene. When Ahimsaka breathed his last on the lap of Lord Buddha, there was not a trace of resentment in him. His inner transformation was complete.

Dr. V. Ramakantha

* Dr. V. Ramakantha - Addl PCCF & Liaison Officer, Government of Manipur wrote this article for Hueiyen Lanpao (English Edition)
This article was posted on December 16, 2012