We are a state forever on the brink of discontent. Just come to think of it: our brothers-in-arms never let an opportunity to rail at the Establishment go waste; Republic Day celebration is a non-event to us; our ministers are not leaders but stooges of Delhi in our infallible judgment; simply we resent almost everything that even has a faint association with the central government, which we consider as the fountainhead of all our miseries, rightly or erroneously. But dear me, when it comes to elections, the central showpiece of the Indian democracy and by extension the seeds of our woes, we are the model voters that the country must look upto. Just glance at the voter turnout figures, which in some of the constituencies look like the measure of a hot day's temperature in Fahrenheit. They defy logic, yours and my comprehension. To make things more complex, we are part of this riddle.

Two meanings can be construed from our fixation with elections. We deeply enjoy the rituals of adult franchise and the concomitant drum beatings at a purely mechanical level. The second possibility is, we still have an abiding faith in the Indian democratic process.

The first explanation will not ruffle anyone's feathers, but the second one will disappoint a powerful section of our society. My guess is that we have not completely given the democratic system a slip, nor do we intend to do so in the foreseeable future. The high voters' turnout seems to confirm this, whether we like it or not.

We are wrapped, or rather trapped, in layers of hope and animus feelings against the system. One part of us seems to be telling us to not to give up hope so easily, the other prodding us to take up the gauntlet and destroy the cause of our sufferings. This multi-pronged, if not confused, worldview shows itself not just during elections, but in many subtle ways.

For instance, we will boycott the Republic Day but we will watch the India-Pakistan cricket match, and every time Sachin Tendulkar smash the ball to the ropes, we will jump with joy like any other Indian. You might say sports unite friends and enemies alike. However, that doesn't explain away why we enjoy comparing India to China, bragging about India's nuclear capability, lampooning USA's big brother attitude towards India, so on and so forth. Shhssssss! we still watch Hindi movies for which there is a booming underground network of brave DVD pirates. Now name your favourite Bollywood actress.

The mother of all irony is that we invariably become cheerleaders whenever any political leader from the Hindi belt comes calling to the state. For if you consider the nature of our angst, the Indian political class is to be demonized and made untouchables; they are the real culprits. But we surprise ourselves by ingratiating with them; our politicians kowtow to them; state government change with every sneeze at the center; we swoon over Vajpayee' smooth talking and gape at Advani's hawkism, which our homegrown hardliners imitate.

We have two avatars. Deep inside us, on one hand, we identify ourselves as Indians, or in other words, we have been indianised - to use a cliché. And on the other hand, we are rebels, rebels at heart. We hate Indian authority and its symbols and do everything to undermine their importance in our lives. Rewind to anti-ceasefire movement for snapshots.

But amazingly, we know perfectly well when to take on which side of our persona and when to abandon it for the other. One day we would boycott the Independence Day and the next day we will be singing national anthem at the schools. I can't tell whether I am a naharol supporter or a pro-India. I am both. So are you.

Coming back to the point, what does the grand success of electoral process in the state mean? There could be many interpretations, the foremost being that we still have faith in the system, which is partially true. It is also not unusual that some people cast their votes just for the hack of it, and for easy money thrown into the ring by the candidates to lure people willing to prostitute their voting right -- or simply as a ritual.

Elections are here to stay, boycott or no boycott. People who ought to know, know this, and field their own candidates, while boycotting them.

I love elections if only to gasp at the people's sheer level of frenzied interest in them. Compare our poll participation statistics with those of other states, and you have a riddle. You almost conclude: We are a land of insurgents going to polls to elect the leaders of the "enemy". This may not be entirely true, but you can't help passing through this imponderable. And I know real insurgents don't give their ballots but bullets.

The significance of elections to us is that it is the litmus paper of our political ideology. They tell us that we have two diametrically opposite alter egos in us -- one who thinks, feels and act like an Indian and so love elections, and the other who despise being an Indian and so is a rebel and acts like one. Now, don't interpret this to portray us as unprincipled political chameleons. Our complex two-dimensional beliefs are only a defense mechanism to coping with bewildering number of power centres that lord over us. We have learnt to live as subjects of two warring kings at the same time. We have learnt to be seemingly sympathetic to both and have perfected the art of giving divided loyalties and royalties. We live different avatars at the same time, for that is the only way we can breathe properly. We have mutated, and now countrymen, to your health and mine: "Long live the mutants".

By the way, what avatar are you in now, after reading this?