Shanti Thokchom's Life Experiences
- Part 34 -
An unsavoury experience

By Shanti Thokchom *

I have been thinking hard and fast whether to share this unsavoury experience of mine with you all or not. But I am going ahead with it anyways as it is really bothering my mind so much. I must say money does make the world go round!! If you all want to break up friendship with anyone, lend that person money and you will see and know what I mean. They would not know or choose not to know that amount has to be returned to the same person who lent her!! I learnt that the hard way too late....

I had a young lady friend from my own home town who came to pursue some studies here last year. I will not name her but will just call her "Leisabi"(young lady). She is such a dear and sweetest of a person whom you'd think would not even hurt an ant nor anything. She has a very innocent and sweet face which melts everyone's heart !!

There was just no way that I could not trust her with all my heart just by looking at her ...!!! me , am a damn fool all the time getting conned by people who come to me with their sob stories and needing help here and there. I cant just say no to anyone who needs my help. Thats my real weakness and I cant stand by and watch people suffer.....

Well, this lady requested me so much to help her get a car from a dealer for her work. I took pity on her & how could not I? And I went ahead and got one with the car dealer's offer of financing it at a hight interest rate. I didnt much think about that fact. I was only concerned about getting an affordable car for her with me to co sign the papers. She said that the car being offered by the dealer for sale was too expensive for her budget & suggested that she would love to buy my older car from me and that I could go on to buy that new car. Well, it sounded all good and truthful !!

Mind you, I am a very trusting person & reflecting on back, methinks "what a great fool I have been to take her at her face value and her great act of being a "poor me" version of an international student??" After using that my car from April '09 till end of Aug'09 for her work, she told me one day that she no longer needed the car and wanted me to take it back. She said that she was going to Imphal on a personal business ....Simply put, she did not want to pay for the car.....but used it to the fullest advantage for transportation to and fro her work!!

After all my car was all paid for complete with the insurance...and all that...She did not even want to pay up for the insurance that I paid for. I think it was not fair of her to use people like that for her benefits only. Its a case of her Dosti (friendship) for her own Matlab ( selfish benefits). If she were to rent from a car rental agency here in the US, she would have had to pay at least $40-45 /per day for a midsize car. When I mentioned it to her, do you all know what came out of her mouth ?

"Oh, nangna mateng paangbasi di, $40 gi damak ta oiramle, nungsibagi damak natte...( oh, all the while your help was only to get $40 from me and not for love for your fellow brethren.) "That comment of hers pissed me off so much so that, I told her "pining laga piyu..piningdraga tok u...( you choose to pay or not pay but I wont die from it) and I stormed out of her apartment, feeling very upset, humiliated and what not......I have never ever felt so insulted in my life......for helping her out and for her to say stuffs like this to me, after all that I did for her......was really too much for me....She did not even have the decency to even call up and apologise nor even inform me of her departure from here to home.

Maybe she thought or was scared that I would ask her to bring stuffs from Imphal or something. I will not do that ever cos I know the mentality of our folks. The only thing I would have wanted would have been Manipuri ethnic stuffs for display at local festivals. But I had enough of that cos my son had brougjht them when he visited India during his summer vacation.

Anyway, to cut long story short, I did not hear from her at all...no call, no emails nothing. That was a real insult to me..I have done nothing wrong to her..... I got very upset by her silence all these time and so I emailed to her bro-in-law leting him know how upset I was by her sis-in-law's actions. She could have easily emailed an apology or something that she would pay up when she returned or just anything.

But she did not and I was wondering, why is she not communicating with me? I am the one whose car she used it to her advantage, it was me who let her drive my car for her to get her driver's license here. I took my time off to do that despite my very busy schedule !! Anyway, my conscience is clear and I can move around without any fear at all everywhere but this particular lady , I pity her cos she has to watch where she goes cos she has the insecurity in her that I might jump at her throat or something !!

After all, I am a Manipuri to the T.....!! If you are reading this( and I know you do) , have no fear from me, just pay up whats due and go your way.....thats all I want cos I am also paying for that other car I got (unnecessary ) from the dealer to help you out with. I did not get it for free. Please remember that always!!

So for you to go to other people's houses and butter them up and try to leave some money for them to hand it to me, thats unacceptable totally....You are the one who agreed to buy the car from me and not the other people, so face it up and make amends cos its not worth breaking up friendships like this which leave a very bad & bitter taste in the mouth ...that too among our own folks.... it is something I dont want it to continue happening...Why cant we be honest with each other? It would make life much more easier and better...!!

For me friendship is a lifelong thing and not just a drive by thingy...This lady's cousin said over the phone to me...that they were not gonna see me ever again as they will leave the US forever and go back home to Imphal? I did not understand what she meant by that. Did she mean that they befriended me for short term selfish benefits or what? Sorry , if I bored all of you but I had to get this out of my system and share with you all. I am sure I am not the only who have had such things happened to them and can relate to how I feel ....

The fun and greatest tomfoolery of my being was that I got taken in by their convinvcing ways to make me join the popular online thingy called the TVI EXPRESS. They gave me so much good reports about it and I like any other trusting hypnotised fools , I also sent $280 in May '09 to their bro-in-law despite my siblings warning me about such online schemes. I decided to trust these ladies more than them cos they said that I would be getting big dividends soon after I joined.

I had my doubts but in the flush of their animated excitement over their sis getting so and so amount,I was trapped for good and till to this day, I have not seen any penny of my money back though they got theirs amount from their initial investment as this particular bro-in-law did all for them at home. For me, its gone down the drain. I could have sent that money to my mom who was ailing and had no money to buy her high BP medications..I really regret having not listended to my own siblings!! I can't do anything much cos I got no communications from them ever about it at all.

I have missed my college classes to take her to her nurse aide training classes for over 2 weeks...who would do such things for here here ? She knows it......I did it cos I have a genuine urge to help people who needed it. Thats the joy I get out of helping people.I lent her money when she needed it the most cos I knew how hard it is for folks to be without that green bucks in a country not of your own!! She paid back in instalments initially without any interest on it..I thought she' d do it but she chose to stay ignorant of that fact but I kept quiet. When her cousin also borrowed some $$ from me, she always returned with $5 as interest and always on time. That was kinda nice..

To this day, both she and her cousin are always avoiding me cos they know where I work and what time & where I go to work...For me, I am carrying on life normal cos I have life's crisises to face and no time to indulge in petty stuffs. Its just not worth it at all.They can hide from me all they want and I guarantee that they are always thinking in fear "what next?" cos of their guilty conscience.

To me, it was simply a very calculated move & all pre-planned one from the word go..on her part and she pulled a fast one one on me...I must say she did that with great acting and had all plans of breaking off our friendship cos she did not want to pay for the time that she had been using my car under the pretext of buying it !! We had mutual agreement that she would make a minimum monthly payment towards the car at her every paycheck she got from her work..I should have got stuffs written down on paper...but like I said...I trusted her so much that it didnt even occur in my wildest of thoughts she would turn out to be such a conwoman.....She meditates for over an hour with her daily prayers and bible.

That was an observation I had of her when she stayed at my apartment for over a month rent free,as she had nowhere to stay. The friend with whom she was put up could not let her stay for few days as she was married to an american and thats how I came in handy for her cos I dont mind helping anyone in any capacity though I dont own a fancy condo or dream homes like others....

I see that she moves around with a calculator in her hand always...For stupid fools like me who always trusts people....never even thought for a single moment that she would turn out to be such a sneaky operator like this...That really hurt my feelings so bad that my mind became so clouded......and I kept thinking" how could she do this to me?" To this day,I am unable to figure out why she did what she did.I console myself by saying " what goes round comes around"

Now , I learnt my lesson, never to trust such types again, no matter what they say and butter up people for their cause.....!!This is the most hurtful and damning experience I have ever had of this type with an innocent -faced person..that too....of my own people from the same place....awww....that really is hurtful....!!

And most of all ..insulting to the very thought that she used me for her own benefits only....without having any decency to say any thank you nor any kind of verbal acknowledegment of some sort!! Anyone out there who got similar experiences like this, do share with me so that I can console myslef that I am not alone!! I would say to such types "mung mei ram-ram, bagal mei chhuri" (nice on the face backstabbers!)

More stories later ...... I have lots......!!