Shanti Thokchom's Life Experiences
- Part 24 -
Jullundur Wedding Hungamma

By Shanti Thokchom *

Thank you all so much for the overwhelming responses to the stories # 21 and 22. I must apologise for the wrong location of the friend in story #22 about "Kaka Chaoba" who hails from "Pisum Thong Ningom Leirak" and not "Haobam Marak".

Anyway, many of you have wanted more such stories and not interested in political ones. I would like to narrate another penpal story. This guy Ashwani Tiku, and I had correspondenced for more than 10 years.. He was a Kashmiri brahmin (upper caste) and an only son of his parents. He was an engineering student at the REC, Calicut (Kozhikode) (Kerala).

We exchanged a whole lot of views/ideas ranging from the usual hot topics regarding anything under the sun and other unheard of topics which we 'd feel uncomfy when talking face to face but it was all written stuffs between us so there was no barrier in our letter writing.

I used to tease him when he said that he attended the Catholic Church on Sunday for the Mass near his college just to ogle at anything in skirts!! but he said that he was very disappointed to see all conservative Malayali (kerala) gals dressed up in their best of long skirts called "Pavada".. with coconut oiled hair in braids and would not even look at him since he was not one of their own !!

He was at that time very starved of female attention so I guess he made do with the church gals.. just ogling for the sake of ogling!! No offence to anyone!! He was a handsome young man who thought all the world of himself about his good looks, good brahmin breed and all that jazz!!

But he was just a human being.. Brahmin (upper caste) or not.....I did not understand why one would place so much importance on this one thing!! Does it mean that one is superior just because of being a Brahmin? I dont think so...its just my opinion but I dont know about others!!

To this day, dont we still have that Sokna Samnaba Yadaba ( any kind of relationship between a Meitei and a Brahmin.. Bamon ......) in Manipur!! It may not be that very open but it still exists. Many of my readers have shared such stories with me about this societal evil in Manipur!! Its high time we abandon that practice and banish it forever!!

It does not do any good to continue that practice!! There is one Meitei guy who is already married and has a kid but still unaccepted by his in-laws just because he is a Meitei and his wife a Bamon (Brahmin- Hindu upper caste) !!!!!!!

The poor guy has had to suffer so much indignity through their subtle tactics for no fault of his!!! I think we can all do without this practice and think about progress more instead of getting stuck in the mold of ....Bamon (upper caste) being superior and not allowed to get married to a Meitei or anyone else!!!

One of my dad's own cousin married a Bamon after his wife died and they are happy together!! Even though she still keeps her practice of sprinkling water all the way to her house after she gets her stuffs done at and from the Pukhri ( pond).

Anyway, coming back to my Kashmiri penpal, he told me that his family had to flee from the onslaught of the Kashmiri separatists who drove out all the Kashmir Valley residents from there. They had a boat house by the beautiful Dal lake but it got torched and burnt down by the rampaging separatists.

His family then had moved and settled down in the pink city of Jaipur. In the course of our correspondence, we came to know of each other's culture and tradition so much which continued through out my working years in Bombay in the 90s.

Matter of fact, he invited me to attend his wedding in Jaipur city. He had asked for my opinion on his choice of his life partner from among the list of the hordes of eligible young ladies from his own community.

The dowry was set to Rs. 1 lakh (Indian money) as the going rate for an Engineer at that time in the mid 90s. I also approved the one he chose. She was a simple homely gal and not bad looking either and had an older brother working in Australia.

He wanted a submissive wife... and also something to brag about the fact that he had some Ristedaar (family ,in-laws) "Phoren" abroad.... so much for his good education and broad mindedness.. huh!!! Some hypocrisy here...!!!

He sent me her pics and I congratulated him on his good choice!! Inside, I knew well that he had to follow his parents' wishes and also the fact that he was an only son and the family's name bearer and all that must have influenced his decision. Otherwise it would bring dishonour and shame to his family if he went after his own choice from a different community!! I think he chose to be the perfect son of his parents!! But what if it did not work out? Its just a thought!!

Anyway, I journeyed to Jaipur to attend his wedding. Every one was so eager to see Ashwani's long time friend from the NorthEast India i.e., me! His folks were so happy indeed to see me because he had told them about me. So they wanted to know what kind of a person I was that kept their son corresponding with for so long!! We had a very good one on one bonding with them. I cant blame them for wanting their son to fall in line with their wishes to keep up in their community and society as a whole!!

The next day, we all started for Jullundur city for the wedding. I was part of the Baraati (bridegroom's) entourage in a chartered luxury bus. Boy! It was exciting to be in such trip as it was my first time ever attending a wedding party outside my own state of Manipur.. that too, of my long time unseen penpal of over 10 years!!

Every one thought I was crazy, to even think about taking a trip to Jaipur alone and being in that entourage with people whom I did not know before nor met!! But to be frank and honest, I wasn't scared nor doubtful because we had been friends for that long and knew well enough to trust each other!!

I think my adventurous nature was the real reason for me to take that journey to Jaipur. My friend felt comfy enough to invite me to his wedding and so I did show up! Thats what it really mattered!! what are friends for ,anyways? You be there for them when needed always, no matter what!!!! Thats what true friendships are!!

The journey to Jullundur city of Punjab took about 10 hrs from Jaipur city. We stopped on our way to eat at roadside "Dhabbas" which was very unique. I only saw them in Hindi movies and to experience like that in reality was something else!!

I watched every one sit down to eat and I did the same too because I believe in the saying "In Rome, do as the Romans do". My friend's family was glad that I adjusted well and mind you, they had doubts of me being able to do that since I came from a totally different place.

We had so much fun inside the bus .... teasing the groom-to-be.. pulling his leg about his dowry and the more than plump looks of the life partner he chose...We did "Antakshri"( songs )of film songs... We did not even know when we reached the bride's city.

I was fortunate enough to be in the company of my friend's sister and her husband and other members like his uncles, aunts and little cousins who immediately became my instant friends. I love kids so they all clung to me all the time and eager to show me and introduce me to their Kashmiri ways of life!! We were put up at a government quarters, vacated by the bride's family and friends for her groom's entourage.

We all got ready to start the wedding march to the main venue. My friend wore his best silk Sherwani (traditional wedding suit) and a turban. I could not recognise him after his dress up cos he looked totally different. He was all smiles as every one in the bride's side commented that he had a group of very unusual and cool friends....meaning me and another very good Sindhi couple who were his next door neighbors in Jaipur.

I had requested them that I did not know how to wear a saree so they excused me for that. I was in salwar kameez and felt so tied up as I could not move freely nor breathe easy as I do in jeans. Anyway, it was a wedding so I had to endure it for my friend's sake- Ijjat Ka Sawaal!!

Well, we waited for the main wedding and we were told that they would be taking their holy vows and exchanging the garlands at the stroke of midnight....!!! It was pretty hard to keep awake....!! The bride looked resplendent in all her bridal finery with heavy jewelery and expensive wedding saree.

I like to observe and watch people and you can know so many things just by doing that and not even talking to them through their body langauage, gestures, tone of voice when they speak to each other. I could see the nervous bride trying to stay calm amidst all the din and bustle of the festivities. We had so much fun with the groom's shoe hiding and the bride's party sweating out to locate them.

The groom felt pity for the bride's party and requested his Sindhi friend to just give the shoes away to them. The guy mocked him by saying that he is voluntarily trying to be submissive to his bride. Well, all said and done, it was a pretty hilarious situation to see all the shoe hunters-looking at every nook and corner for the groom's wedding Mojri shoes ...looking all harassed and anxious and jittery at the same time !!

All the while those shoes were held by the Sindhi guy in his sweater under his armpits !! He had to give in to the groom's constant reminder to hand over the shoes to the other party. Meanwhile the Sindhi shoe-keeper got a little peeved over that..He was wanting to take the full advantage of that shoe hiding ritual and get some money from the bride's party in good fun and spirit which was part of the wedding ritual anyways !!!!

We left the wedding pandal (ground) before the holy vows were said as we got very, very sleepy. We had great fun laughing and joking about the whole day's event. Next morning we were served breakfast by the bride's family. I can't remember all the names of the Kashmiri cookies and other stuffs we were offered but it was all good and tasty!!

All the young kids of the groom's family became so attached to me and I in turn grew so fond of them in such a short time. They spilt out all their family secrets..!! It was funny!! Maybe they must have become aware of the fact that I knew their uncle Ashwani for a long period of time that they found it easy to tell me whatever they felt like and wanted..It brings so much joy to be with kids who are so innocent and full of energy !!

We all got ready to leave Jullundur city by late noon. We just started singing out of the blue "Le jayenge,le jayenge dil wale dulhaniya le jeyenge" ..and we had no end to the chain of songs everyone either started or joined or another one to continue......!!!

I am sure the newly weds must have been wanting some quiet and peace and some time for themselves!!! But the traditions and customs...oh, my gosh!!!! poor guys...they had to go through all those time- consuming rituals !! I really pitied them!!! They were not even smiling spontaneously no more cos they were too exhausted and tired....!!

Our return trip was much more fun as we kept teasing the new bride no end. She was among us all of whom she did not even know.. She had left behind all her family and friends back in Jullundur city! All of us were kinda trying to make her feel comfy by singing and not being unfriendly!! She responded kindly to our efforts and joined us in the singing at one stage.We cheered her on no end!!

We reached Jaipur after a long journey. Boy!! we were glad to be there for the reception. Its very hard to travel in a bus for that long period!!

Everyone got busy with it. I was their main errand person from the reception center to their apartment back and forth for anything needed. I did not want to just stand and gape at everybody.I wanted to be useful to them.

There was a very good reception party for the newly weds. All his colleagues and friends from surrounding places attended and I had the good fortune of meeting all of them and shaking their hands or either doing "Namaste" depending on the situation and the ocassion.

It ended again late at night. Meanwhile, the Sindhi guy and 2 others went to decorate the couple's room for their first night of wedded bliss!! We got lots of rose and other flowers for that and it really looked cool!! The guys did not spare the groom at all on the teasing. They talked dirty and cracked naughty jokes on him which he took it in his stride.

The next morning everyone was eager to wish the couple good morning as a husband and wife. We all had Kashmiri tea again which had lots of Elaichi (cardamom), long (clove ) and others. We could see the blushing new bride coming out of her room and sit with us.

We all gave a knowing look to each other !! The Sindhi guy was very eager and in a naughty mood because he wanted to tease the couple if their room was ok or not. We all burst out laughing when my friend Ashwani told him that they had removed all the rose petals and other flowers before they went to bed so as not to leave any tell tale signs of what took place there!!!

The mother-in-law was the happiest because she did not have to worry about her son no more as he was in his wife's care now!! I then got ready to get back to Bombay. They dropped me off at the train station and I went straight to the upper berth to sleep/rest.

I was teary eyed to say bye to all of them. We had bonded so good and connected well. All good things must come to an end.

So my friend's wedding came and went.....I am happy to have been there and I cherish the memories as I feel I have done my bit to let the people there know something about existence of the tiny state of Manipur and that our people are simple folks and good hearted!!



More stories later ...... to be continued ...!!