Poetic Justice - II

Ranjan Yumnam *

I feel wrong
Not on my own accord
That's an alliteration, play of words
Like the click bait you find in internet
"10 secret ways to attract Sunny Leone"
I am wronged by people I love
Like they say you are hurt by people you love the most
The most beautiful roses have the most stinging thorns
My mother advises me with the sweetest words laden with sharpest arrows of indictment
Ok ok
From the religious philosophical point of view,
We do what the Almighty ordain us to do or behave
I eat the frozen pork sausage yesterday because God willed me to partake it
In that way, I don't feel guilty
It is all predetermined
Every moment, you live out the life as has been written on your forehead
It may seem like a lame excuse
If you are to believe that the higher divinity steers the course of our lives
We are just a tiny cog in the wheels of our existence
We are what we were meant to be by the designs of the Almighty, warts and all
The other day, I bumped into a school friend who told me he doesn't recognise me anymore
My gait has changed; I don't look like a back bencher in the school he so vividly remember
I was punished and made to stand in the hot sun because I couldn't spell the word "conscientious"
In hindsight, that word is useless
Too complicated
We could just say it in a simpler way
"Careful in what we do in a proper manner"
My point is why slog when you can do it smarter and without jargons
Maybe my thought process is convoluted
My humble opinion is that make life simpler
Instead of trying to dodge the direct path
And trying to sound sophisticated
I told my friend I am still the back bencher, but now sit behind a Bhutan desk
Like a clerk trying to impress his boss with his calligraphic handwriting
It's only that I type my notes with computer to hide my weakness in writing flawless cursive
Oh boy, I can't still write my name properly
My "m" and "n" looks very similar that I feel illiterate.
But why feel guilty?
We work, walk, wake, write and run as has been predestined
Whether you are a first bencher or a last bencher, you will ultimately figure it out
You will trust your instincts
You will fire all your cylinders to get going
Then you met Jasmine
She is a nurse who took blood samples to check your lipid profile
She says my blood look very thick
What does it mean?
It could be a marker of some serious health complication
I was scared
Am I infected with HIV?
Or it could be VIH – Very Imminent Heart-attack!
Either way, I am screwed
I feel depressed for bad health news affects us like nothing else
When the results came next day, Jasmine was wrong
My vitals are all right; cholesterol level is not perfect
But nothing to worry about
All I am saying is that we all are deeply troubled by negativity
Either from the events happening around us
Or from the negativity of some people
Maybe negativity is a defence mechanism
We want to project a different us
Because the real self is not desirable
We wear the torn and smelly pair of socks inside our gleaming shoes
And when we are asked to take off our shoes before entering a no-shoe policy place
We panicked, reluctantly revealing the big hole at the ankle
That's human nature; without it we will be sociopath
We are afraid that we will be judged in a bad light
Though we wish to believe that we have free will;
That's also totally a hoax, a myth
We are susceptible to group-think
We would like to believe we are the trendsetters
In our innermost psyche, we seek people's approval and love
In the process, we lose our individuality
We become just another conformist
Like I went to this eat-out to have a snack
The moment I gave my order,
I immediately felt remorse
I looked over the other table and coveted what the other person is having on his plate
We always want what we don't have
We want to be what we are not
This is exactly what makes us sad and unhappy in life in the first place
Comparing ourselves with others
Their cars with ours; their crockery with mine
The bottomline is: avoid toxic people
Don't try to be who you can't ever be
You can never be Kim Kardashian or Kim Jong-un of North Korea
Doing so will only add woes to your already miserable life
Sometimes a good nap is all you need to feel good about yourself
And eat singju and heiku when you got up
Or watch a thriller, listen to music or read something uplifting
And not to forget we will all die one day and become one with the dust
Have a nice Sunday!

Ranjan Yumnam

* Ranjan Yumnam , a frequent contributor to e-pao.net, wrote this article for The Sangai Express. This article was posted on January 14, 2017.