Wondering what your folks would think if you date a non-Manipuri? Have your relationship with a Mayang reached such a stage of no-return that marriage is the only logical conclusion?

Or are you just experimenting with a non-Manipuri without any serious commitment?

Well, if you are a Manipuri Chanu, then this kind of inter-racial relationship is fraud with lot of dangers, heartburns and less than positive reactions from our society. You might become a victim’s of social ostracism, ridicule and public hate. If you ask the male folks of our society, you will easily find out that most of them balk at this kind of liaison with someone outside our culture.

Some of them will even take you for a woman of very easy virtue (i.e., questionable moral character) trapped by the cunning designs of Mayang to reap sexual advantages. If you don’t believe this, just walk down one of the Delhi University’s thoroughfares with a non-Manipuri guy and see how many eyebrows are raised and looks of hate and suspicion directed at you from the passing Manipuri chaps.

Now, what about a Manipuri lad dating a non-Manipuri bimbo? Oops! That would be pretty enviable shoe to be in on any given day and a trophy to flaunt. You would have no feeling of guilt and moral depravation, and people would regard you as a capable man of Casanova’s caliber. You would take her out to any occasion where you can maximize your visibility with that curvaceous Punjab-ki-chhokri by your side. You would revel in owner’s- pride-neighbour’s-envy kind of feeling.

Oh didn’t I mention dating a non-Manipuri gal also invested in you a superior status as far as your social standing is concerned? Obviously, this sharp contrast of gender based perceptions begs a crucial question: why are we looking at the same thing through different sets of lens based on the gender of the subjects involved?

In my view, this has something to do with human evolutionary instinct to protect our own kind, especially the female members, from the invasion of other tribe and species. For example, if tomorrow, my loving sister told me she is in love with a non-Manipuri who is an eligible bachelor by any standards, I will see thousands of warning flags in my mind though I won’t verbally state it to that effect.

Probably, I would wish her the very best but deep inside me I would feel let down by some indescribable riot of regrets. I believe this holds true for most of the men in similar situation. Whereas, if my brother is seeing an attractive young lady of foreign or another culture’s origin, I would pat him and say, "Boy, you are lucky".

To take our evolutionary instinct theory further, let us skim through the pages of history of mankind. Historically, warring men have often targeted the womenfolk of the enemy as a means to score brownie points, to take revenge against, to dominate and to humiliate the male members (of the rival group).

This mindset is still stuck in our subconscious and influences our views on cross-cultural relationships. Fortunately or unfortunately for us, in the modern times, Narendra Modi and others of his ilk just showed this fact in too practical manner by raping and molesting thousands of women belonging to the minority community during the recent communal riots in Gujarat.

The point I want to illustrate here is: we, as proud Manipuris (like any other race) instinctively want to protect our female members and see them as vanguards of our culture and social integrity.

Any real or imagined harm done to them by an outsider is construed as assault upon our entire society/race/community and makes us seethe with uncontrollable rage. Maybe you have another phrase for this like "male ego", "prestige issue", "DNA programmed thought", "self preservation", "cultural identity" and so on.

Other than the reason of our natural inclination to protect our sisters (and potential wives?), isn’t it time to ask ourselves if there is any valid case for us in trying to clip the wings of Manipuri girls if they happen to choose a non-Manipuri for their dating partner or as a spouse?

Are we not acting like the Talibans in essence when we enforce upon them a moral and psychological blanket ban against falling in love with a non-Manipuri? Many Manipuri women have lamented and are furious over what they call "narrow-mindedness" of their male counterparts for being unable to appreciate their point of view and individual rights.

They contend rightly that they have every right to choose their life partner, after all it is their life and they know what the best is for them. They counter the often touted argument of the Manipuri men-that non-Manipuris take our innocent Chanuras for a ride for questionable motives and to be dumped later- by asking them not to generalize all the women and non-Manipuris into one category with a blinkered view.

Yes, there may be few unsavoury incidents and examples of Manipuri women being given a raw deal by their alien partner, but they are rather an exception than the norm. Break ups, betrayal and even exploitation are the inherent hazards in any relationship, including those between people of same race and we should not read too much in this, the aggrieved Manipuri women claims.

Woh, having heard both the opinions of the Manipuri men and women, it seems after all that men came from Mars and women from Venus. Of course, there are truths in the contention of both the camps, but truth often lies somewhere in the middle. Manipuri women would do well to strike that graceful balance and take every precaution not be carried away by impulse and glitterings of the outside world and their men.

The other side of the pasture is always green, remember. Men, it would do no harm if you become a little liberal in your outlook. You should know there comes in a woman’s life when she needs a life partner for companionship as every human being does. Moreover some of things in life have to be done out of inevitability and at the appropriate time, like marriage for example when the ageing process threatens to catch you unawares and wrinkles start to appear all of a sudden on your forehead and your biology imposes limitations such as on procreation ability.

In such circumstances, a Manipuri Chanura can’t wait forever for an eligible Manipuri prince charming with shining armour in a white horse to appear for her from out of the blue. Consider also: what if she doesn’t get enough opportunities to socialize much with suitable Manipuri guys, because of her career or circumstances in an alien city?

This would have been a non-issue at all if, like the rest of the Indians, we had an accepted social convention of arranged marriage which is a rare option in our society, if not frowned upon.

But, but, but….. at the end of the day, it is true love that really matters-neither the colour of the skin, nor the antecedents count. A beautiful heart that cares for you will always be beautiful no matter whose body it is in and it would be worthwhile to live the rest of your life with.

I would rather be proud then resentful, if a Manipuri gal marries a decent and respectable non-Manipuri instead of suffering a life with a Manipuri drug addict.

So guys, lets learn to give the Manipuri women a break. Of course, for the right reasons and not for the dreadful wrong ones.