Attention Hubby; Runaway Wife!

G S Oinam *

Local media can no longer remained orthodox on love, romance, sex and adult sense. Theatre, cinema, television serials, news reports are flooded with social issues from rape, torture, murder to female infanticide and domestic violence. If this is the real society we live in? Do and don't have to be sensitizing to the people through the mass media.

Recent news item of "law court pull up runaway wife of a conservative Brahmin family" has eye opening everybody. Bad news is spreading very fast. Run away wife to another person and bring 2nd wife is not new in our society. My God, these types of cases were considered as couses of family financial crisis. However, increasing numbers of runaway wife of politician, runaway wife of high profile family, together, we can not think it as financial causes of all these problems.

Finally, women will claim that her hubby is impotent; she likes to be a biological mother. Are they ignored about the advance medical science or failed to attempt it? So, why couple did not divorce first? How many princes Sanatombi will be produce in the state? (MK Binodini's novel 'Bor Sahib Ongbi Sanatombi'). How many notorious Charles Shobraj will find out in Manipur? Or, how many 'Madam' are working? (Bhorot's novel 'Madam'). Mind you, these novels, tale-tales are not always fictional but perhaps, a mirror to reality. We have seen women giving up their self respect despite being educated. Romance has no age bar. Pyar kiyato darna kya hai? They are blind and they don't care about family, friend, children and society.

Believe it or not, divorce, run away wife, bring 2nd wife and illicit affairs are contagious like some disease and can be infect friends, colleague and families. The impact of divorce, described as a domino effect, means that if an immediate friend or colleague splits up, your own chance of divorce increases by 75% says American researchers. Scientist say that even the break up of a friend's marriage increases your chance of divorce by a third, Daily Mail reported.

The American researchers described the effect as 'divorce clustering' and believe that divorces within friends circle force couples to start questioning their own relationship. A friend's divorce may also reduce the fear of social stigma of splitting up, even when children are involved. Divorce among family members and work mates also increased chances of someone's own marriage ending, the experts found. The more own marriage, they said, and the impact makes no difference for even those couples who have children.

According to expert, men in their 30's from IT industry are worse hit by mid life crisis as compared to the professionals from other fields with poor EQ (emotional quotient). Model personals, celebrities, film stars, security personals, businessmen and sometimes bureaucrats are also hit by the mid life crisis to a great extend. In trying to keep up with youngsters in their career, professionals in their 30's start feeling obsolete.

The crisis also strikes the most to the people who are successful academically and in their careers, but have a poor EQ level. These types of personalities are also more prone to heart problems. They are smart, intelligent, achieve too early, too soon. They work hard, rise fast, but lack the skills to handle a personal crisis or manage people. They also lack introspective skills.

Traditionally believed to strike in the 40's now mid life crisis hits both men and women in the mid 30's. But it can also happen around the age of 35, at 45, or not until 55. It depends upon how you plan your career and manage your life, Times of India (TOI) reported.

It begins with individuals questioning their objectives in life and realizing that they have been chasing the wrong goal which has been causing more stress than a sense of well being and happiness. Sometimes, this is compounded by a diminished sex drive as well as a sense of physical and psychological aging.

Having illicit affairs, taking high risk decisions, buying expensive and unnecessary yoys and embarking cosmetic, dress in an attempt to look younger than their chronological age are symptoms. Common psychiatrist Ruksheda Syeda said that they have achieved all that they set out to, but are still not happy, and scare that they will never be puberty, adulthood happening early and with mortality rate going up, they have that much more life to lead, and are looking for that elusive something, says Dr. Harish Shetty; first kiss, sex, addictions, heart attacks……. everything happening early, proponing mid life crisis by 8-10 years. Very often at 35, one may look back and reassess their career and a dissatisfaction can lea to a mid life crisis, adds Dr. Kersi Chawda.

In a fast forwarding generation, with people living for themselves, patience is thin and so is staying power in relationships. From teen age to the elderly feeling misfits in today society and the case are going up. Extra marital affairs count highest number of cases that people take to a counselor. Emotional issues for children and youth are also gone up four fold. According to psychiatrist Jitendra Nagpal, 'people tend to live in the virtual world, with little real communication and that create loneliness.

Premarital and extra marital sexes have gone up by 12-15% in the last five year, psychiatrist H.L. Kaila affirmed. Lack of communication pushes couple to go their own ways, build walls around their each other. People have unrealistic expectations of their partners, trying to match reality with the images also all too aware of all the things that could go wrong.

There is a sense of disillusionment. Increase in awareness fester fear. Depression is high, because of problems in love and marriage, which includes extra marital affairs in more than half the cases. More women suffer from depression than men and about 70% of women feel unfulfilled in a marriage and stay on since it is the right thing to do. They are fed up of compromising, reveals Trupti Jayin in TOI.

People get married at late ages are not willing to compromise. The attitude is 'take it or leave it'. What they need is to tell each other and translate love into action. Sometimes, one just wants a warm hug in the morning from a partner and we expect the other to magically know it. While some of the problems can be cured with pill, other needs a lifestyle change or someone to talk it out with. Communication is the key- if you can talk it out, you don't need a counselor.

Check List: Self questioning your achievements & usefulness, fixation on your mortality, making sexual overtures or have desire to start an affairs with someone younger, feeling trapped or think you are in a rut, making dramatic change in style of depression like sleep more and lost of appetite, frequently change of job, Getting overly nostalgic and constantly reminiscing youth or first love etc.

Capping with mid life crisis (TOI suggestion):-

1. Plan your future; invest more through into the years ahead behind you.
2. Think about you had learned about yourself so far. Consider your strong abilities and things that please you, as opposed to what your parents or society expected of you when you were young.
3. Don't be afraid to make changes. Anew career choice is not an unreasonable move.
4. You have a better chance of succeeding, if your choices are based on knowledge and experience, rather than youthful blind ambition.
5. If is absolutely necessary to make use of a support network; individuals should discuss major life changes with their colleagues, friends, families or counselor.