When You Are In Rome, Do As Romans Do!!!!

By Samar Kshetri *

Human being is one of the most complex/difficult social living animal on this planet. He behaves as he perceived, heard and followed. He also tries to show his dominance over any person or community. We, Manipuri also called outsider as "mayang" and lots had been discussed on e-pao. We do not differentiate between Bihari, Bengali, Malyali, Punjabi, Marwari.....etc, but simply called them "Mayang" as we perceived, heard and followed.

To the mainland India, they have seen Nepali people who work as servants and chowkidars and sex workers who came in search of a job for survival much before North east people. So whenever they see any mongoloid face, they think and understand as "Nepali" as I said in the above para about human being "He behaves as he perceived, heard and followed".

They did not perceived us as Chinese and Japanese people as they havn't seen them before those nepali that is why they didn't call you Chinese or Japanese. By calling you "Nepali" they show their dominance on us. However educated people who are with you in colleges or colleagues called you "Chinkies" to tell you that you look similar to Chinese. Sometimes North East people mind being called as "Chinkies" and sometimes not. Everyone has come across this whenever you go to any places west of Jalpaiguri and we have to accept this fact.

I agree with Babina Wahengbam on her mail "NE girls to be more careful".

NE girls to be more careful
[ Tue, Dec 07, 2010 7:47 am ]

Hi, I'm really disheartened with the options you have provided for this poll question" "Incidents of NE girl raped at the Capital City - Delhi is increasing. What do you think could be the best solution(s) to avert such incidents?"

I was hoping for an option that suggest the NE girls to be more careful and take extra preventive measures to fend off such incidents. True that rape cases against NE is continuously happening in the city but if you allow me to say, there are also many other victims. Many rape cases news come to my table in and around Delhi everyday. The issue is not targeting one face called NE, but the rapists target every face they find it easy. And if NE is becoming the easier targets then we better first do a self-check. Delhi is no one's place and till the law and order takes care of the situation, we better be alert and watchful.

My advise would be: avoid roaming around at odd hours, if its because of the work timing then make sure that your colleague or the driver escort you till doorstep. I have been working and doing every shift - morning, day and night and often had to come back at 12-12:30 but I make sure that I'm secure and safe. No doubt we are always the soft target but taking self precaution and preventive measures can help to some extent from becoming the victim.

Babina Wahengbam - Delhi

Her advise is very good to be followed. I have been out of Manipur since 1988 as I studied outside and working outside. Right now I am in Delhi. I have been at every nook and corner of India and have seen each and every place and interacted with many people of the mainland as we refer. I saw the culture, behavior of many communities. There is a mark difference between North Indian and South Indian people. To be precise, north of and south of Maharastra.

My only observation is we have to behave as we are supposed to be. To remind you, there is a proverb "When You Are In Rome, Do As Romans Do". That means we have to adapt to a new culture, new environment where you are going to stay. They will not adjust to your culture, believe and environment. But they will, when they visit North East. Any literate and those brought up from a well to do family will adjust to the new environment. However the problem is those half literate and immature people who does not seem to care or those carefree people or those who think they are highly westernize.

The dressing of a person shows his/ her personality and this is a fact. Everyone who had appeared before an interview for admission or employment try to dress the best to show his/ her best personality. Any difference in opinion anyone! A teenager boy or girl who is trying to impress an opposite gender dressed his/her best (casual or formal or any). Anyone Why? That means we have to dress sensibly.

Now, coming to the problem, We from Manipur or North East do not follow what I have brought out above. NE People in Delhi are staying mainly at places like Munirka, Vasant Vihar, Motibagh, Mukherjee Nagar, Autram lines, Mahipalpur etc. We need to do an introspection or our parents / guardian /local senior personnel need to advise the new brethren, sisters, sons, daughter and wards who are coming for studies and for jobs.

The NE people mainly work in retail, BPO, Hospitality sectors, IT and of course in Central Govt. Because of unemployment back home and availability of opportunity of jobs factored with better connectivity by air or train, many people from NE have migrated to Delhi. Being the Capital city of India and metropolitan look of the city, Delhi attracts many more people.

Most of these places where NE people stay are at villages of Delhi (anyway it better than City of Imphal, Kohima etc) where rent are nominal for their stay. Majority of them look out for same community people and affordable rent. So, they manage such accommodations at village like Munirka village, Mahipalpur village, Rangpuri village etc. The mentality of the people i.e. Haryanvi, jats, simply north Indians etc of this village are still traditional with strict rule being followed (male dominated society where own daughter, sister are subjected to honour killing). Females are still using pardah system (covering face with transparent cloths), strict dress rule which normally prohibits non wearing of fully covered dresses.

Most of the NE people follow a different style of living and dresses. The dresses of male are more or less similar to anyone as male normally dress in trouser, cargo, shorts and shirts. The problems start with female dresses of NE people. Suddenly we started opened up so fast to those dresses which they never wore at home or outside the house back at home.

The dressing sense has gone too far to show they are the sexiest babe in the world. Such dresses are worn by people mainly on Page 3 parties or when they have parties at 3/5 star hotels, farmhouses and some high income group parties at their houses. These people come to the party locations/ malls by their own car or chauffer driven cars.

We, NE girls try to copy them at village gullies of their rented houses, local markets and travel on foot or by auto with those skimpy dresses. So they became the model of those pan wallas, shop keepers, auto drivers and those localites. So people started thinking these girls are cheap, available and ready for anything. As I covered, "He behaves as he perceived, heard and followed." Their perception tells that NE girls are available, cheap and that is what happened at many places.

Another important factor is the behavior which also makes an impression to others. To quote an example, I was in a New Year party at one of the resort in Delhi with my wife and kids. It was a Good party and dance floor was full of couples (young and mid age), Boys and girls, so was I with my wife and kids and some NE couples. There were many couples, teenager boy and girls dancing together with glasses of drinks in their hands enjoying the party and mood.

Suddenly, I was distracted by two NE girls who were dancing so vulgarly behind me. They came with 4/5 mayangs and danced like they were paid to do so. They danced like a bar girl or like a paid sex worker with those 4/5 mayangs. No issue for coming with mayangs or dressing style as the occasion was such. If they were their boyfriends, they would have danced more sensibly.

If I could felt that they were like a bar dancer or sex worker, I wonder how would other people may be thinking???? The way you behave also show who you are and people treat you like that. May be this is why outside people always think NE girls are easily available!!!!! Another reason is NE girls are simple nature and warm hearted and they became friends easily with anyone. Those who are looking for a chance spread the news to his friends that NE girls are easily available. That's it!!!

On the other hand, those NE girls /ladies who are working at higher positions in any organization try to adjust with the place they are staying, dress as they are supposed to and try to show we are what we are. So we need to behave more sensibly and show that we are not like what those people think.

However, our gennext youth can change the thinking of the mainland people if they follow the proverb "When You Are In Rome, Do As Romans Do".

It is my personal opinion and comments and suggestions are welcome.

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* Samar Kshetri (a resident of Delhi) contributes to e-pao.net regularly. The writer can be contacted at samar_dp(at)yahoo(dot)co(dot)in
This article was webcasted on January 10 2011.

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