Keep quiet, stay with me!

By Ranjan Yumnam *

There is this pithy line from Waiting for Godot that goes like this: "Don't talk to me. Don't speak to me. Stay with me."I am sure this would resonate with many of the introverts, who would like to be left alone to their own life and devices. I don't know whether I am a typical introvert or not, I suspect I like moments of solitude more than being with others. At least, most of the times.

Unfortunately, the introverts are the minority in the regular population--maybe about 30 percent of it-- and fortunately, they are the majority among the gifted. They tend to be more creative, intellectual, calm, responsible and independent. Some of the famous inward-looking people are Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Isaac Newton, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Job, Steven Spielberg, Mahatma Gandhi—all A-grade leaders in their respective fields. All religious leaders from Jesus, Buddha, Moses, Mohammad, etc. are, by default, introverted spirits.

According to one survey conducted among the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, majority of the honchos admitted to having introverted streak. Maybe that's the reason why they say it is lonely at the top. The downside to being an introvert is that you are often misunderstood, deemed arrogant, cold and anti-social by the boisterous types, which is simply not true.

Some people equate introvert nature with shyness, which is like comparing flour with bread. Introverts are not shy; they simply do not have the natural knack for mindless chatter and trivial conversations that lead to nowhere. They groove on new ideas; their faces glow at the slightest opportunity of involving in a problem solving project and most probably they are capable of giving a dynamite presentation in front of a thousand people in a baritone and sculpted voice like an orchestra master.

Once back stage, introverts will return to their shells, mulling over the next idea, seeking solitude, searching for their inner voice, looking for a way of escape for they hate the small talk about weather, the inconsequential pleasantries of hi and hello, "kari inssang chage", "pung kayada tumge", "yam fajaramme"—the list of endless inanities of social grammar. If introverts run the world, the gossip mill will grind to a halt and page 3 will be ripped off the glamour mags.

The world may even turn out to be a better place if the humanity adopts its silent alter ego. Calvin Coolidge once wrote, "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?". The garrulous and the banter loving crowd who laugh for no reasons, who bark at one other, who have an opinion on everything from Victoria's Secret to Wikileaks, are also the ones who are responsible for all the chaos, the road rage, the civil wars and the sordid politics. (In politics, the talkative contractor-turned-pot-bellied-neta clearly has an edge over the quiet intellectual).

Yet, the introspective people of few words may be having their best days now. As the social media is becoming increasingly integrated into our lives, the distinction between introverts and extroverts is getting blurred. The geeks and the couch potatoes are the new social media darlings; they are bloggers and the email is their passport to virtual chatter.

What they like most about the web is the fact they can control and set the pace of their conversations--when, with whom and how--without the awkward silences that mark their real life interaction with other people, who are mostly voluble extroverts. The clumsy geeks, the insufferable lot ridiculed by the extroverts, are ruling the roost and shaping the extroverts' world. Mark Zuckerberg may be an abhorrent person with the social skills of a gorilla, but the time he spends alone has borne the fruits which have been enjoyed by all people cutting across demographics.

How this has happened? In the Agricultural Age, people were all introverts, hard pressed for time struggling to sow and reap the harvest of their stoic and silent labour.

There was not much spare time for back-biting, because the day's work was itself back-breaking and they had hardly any energy left to indulge in repartee. When the Industrial Age dawned, the combination of surplus goods, machines and leisure led to people opening their mouths wide to do all kinds of oral exercise -- praise, criticize, whistle, quarrel, argue, kiss, drink, eat and scream how refined their knowledge of the world was--to set themselves apart from others by, well, hollow words. People had more time to waste but only so much opportunity for socializing; so men started talking about weather and women invented the art of gossiping!

Cut to the present, it is the age of Information Technology and the reserved people are having their best days ever as mentioned elsewhere. The web has helped them get rid of the people: they are booking their air tickets online, paying their telephone bills the same way, socializing and even getting a partner online.

This may be good. Studies have found that people are known to exhibit more genuine feelings of empathy and deeper appreciation of their relationships after a healthy period of solitude and self-reflection. Students retain more what they learn when they are left alone. We are more productive and creative when we do a job without others poking in their noses. On the other hand, we exert ourselves less--mentally and physically-- and do not perform to our best potential when we participate in a group activity.

Social scientists have even a name for this: Social Loafing. Think of Social Loafing as a group of people pushing a heavy lumber. Each person in the group will not push the beast as hard as when they would do it alone, thinking others would pitch in more efforts. In this way, a team work is often less than the sum of what the individuals might have done by themselves alone.

Here's another example you may relate to. Have you ever pondered over the qualitative difference between watching a movie alone and with friends? Alone, your mind is entirely focused on the movie; with friends, your brain is multitasking and asking yourself incessantly: "Shall I laugh at this scene?", "I better think of a good reason to tell my friend this was my favourite part, will they agree?", "What shall we discuss on the way back home?", so on and so forth. You are constantly picking up the cues from your peers and judging when to react—the tension palpable throughout.

Introverts may not be the life of the party, but they are the people who enrich our parties, provide fodder for chatter, and improve our lives in thousands of ways. Every movie you have seen is a work of a person who might have conceived of it in the middle of a chilly night, sipping coffee alone. Or the favourite vampire book that you have read might be the work of a lonely widow, trying to come to terms with her life. Our useful and addictive apps are the result of the work of patient software engineers writing endless lines of codes in solitary confinement.

But don't get it wrong. Introverts are not the socially inept, anti-social people or the misogynists—often actors are introverts and introverts feel like an actor when they go out to meet and please the ubiquitous extroverts. Of course, it is another matter that this courtesy is not always returned to the introverts, who are labeled as all sorts of names ranging from arrogant, insensitive, cold, paranoid, and what not.

Remember, introverts draw energy from themselves and extroverts from being around with other people. The introverts suffer from people exhaustion, and they get tired of people too soon and need enough time to recuperate from the effects of mixing around with a blah blah crowd.

If the introverts love their solitude so much, what can draw them out from their thinking den into the extroverts' world? Simple, give them a meaningful purpose, a mission, something to engage with at a creative and intellectual level. Nothing attracts an introvert than an idea or an idea of creating something or solving a problem for that matter. She may not be able to comment on how often you wake up in the night to snip at the cake, but she would be able to talk at length about the finest gourmet recipe books and chefs. She means business, substance, not just the fluff and pad of the outgoing chirpies.

Which brings me to the point that I personally don't want to hear your silly jokes and tittle-tattle. Please spare me. If you want my company, just keep quiet and stay with me. Or perhaps make me a coffee while I write. I might even say thank you for that. Shhhhh!



(Views expressed are personal and do not represent official position)

Ranjan Yumnam

* Ranjan Yumnam, presently an MCS probationer, is a frequent contributor to e-pao.net. He can be contacted at ranjanyumnam(at)gmail(dot)com. This article was posted on April 07, 2011.