To love is to let go

Dr Sumedha Kushwaha *

We strive too hard to find sense in things and to bring them to fruition. And this excessive need to bring about a definition and definitiveness spoils the present moment and the true essence of things. The idea of conversion of a companionship into a relationship is the requirement that most people have. And once they achieve that. Then what? They look for another incomplete thing to complete.

So, the question is whether you should aspire for a relationship or a companionship? Metaphorically, this applies to every situation in life. Once we aspire completion in things we stop enjoying them. The excessive need of owning or possessing people, material objects, positions, power makes us blind to the aspect of living and enjoying in the moment.

Can we really own anything in life? I think the only thing on which we have complete ownership is the present moment. Nothing else in the past or future is under our control. The definitiveness of this decision is the only choice that is yours. And that’s the only persistent option that we can opt throughout life.

We should start living life with a spirit of wanting to achieve the epitome of maximal achievement in a particular moment. It’s better to love someone with your whole heart, body and soul without expectations.

Because, when we are in love, it’s such a beautiful thing that we forget where, how, when, what and what not. We are smitten and usually blind and that’s bliss. Why? Because we focus on how we can find even one moment with that person.

What do you relish more- what is in reduced quantity or what is abundantly available?

We usually love things that are bound to be not ours. When we understand that, we put effort in keeping that alive, we live more on what if I do something even more right that this person stays back, we know that our time is less and hence we perform maximally at whatever is left, you are in the active process of creation of memories that you can cherish for a lifetime so you can remember that person with a smile forever.

When you understand that to love is to let go and not bondage that’s when you achieve freedom from pain. That is probably true love which doesn’t demand from your commitment but shares responsibilities, sorrows, joys with a shared commitment of companionship. The love that excessively demands from you will convert you into someone you never wanted to be.

In that process not even will you lose the relationship but also lose yourself. And once you start leaving behind parts of you behind for someone, you start experiencing voids and gaps in your personality. For quite some time you do not realize what is happening, until when this silence starts to create that stark difference in your persona.

And this unsaid need transmutes into further more pain.That’s why when the possession of this person becomes pain and you undervalue them even further.

When someone understands this and raises a child- they realize that whatever antics the child does now, will not come back again. These milestone achievements will not be a milestone in another week. So if you miss it now, you miss it forever.

Similarly, when you are with a person, most of the time goes to seek commitment and to gain that promise of forever together. And in that struggle we lose the sight of reality that these moments will never come back again.

So live the moment, life is unpredictable and vast. It’s up to you to either make it an experience that you would love to discuss over and over again or a nightmare you wouldn’t want to remember at all. Life is a collection of fleeting moments. Don’t grab it. Just go with the flow.

The river of life ultimately enters the ocean of death, irrespectively for everyone. This is the sole reality of life which we are all afraid of. Don’t try to hold that flow. Respect its direction and speed and flow with it. Let life guide you rather than guiding it.