The spice of love and life
- Part 1 -

Korou-nganbi Naorem *

Once there was a time when I thought of love as something very sweet and an enriching experience. I used to imagine it to be the 'sweetest' thing in the world which ultimately has the capability to change a life and the world. In fact I could see 'love' everywhere I went and I was so full of life thinking when my turn to fall in love will come on my way. I was like a fresh breeze, so innocent, knowing nothing about the kind of life people lead in the metropolitan cities. I was so full of enthusiasm and thought 'life is so sweet'. I use to have the wish to be born again and again as human being thinking if life is so fulfilling than why not be reborn again. But like the saying 'life is not a bed of roses', I soon opened my eyes to the world around me after I graduated. The experiences I encountered changed my whole view about life and love. Here, I will be giving four cases on the different takes on love.

Case One: A Brahmin lady, 30 years old, an average looking woman, fair and tall but lacks in appeal. Let's call her Ms. X. Her father desperately wants her to get married but she doesn't like any of the suitors selected for her. According to her, she had rejected as many as five of them in the past one year. Well, it is still unclear from whose side the rejection came! I ask her what she wants in life. She said, "I want a comfortable life which suits my taste. Yaar, I have been away from home for such a long time, seen the various aspects of life and I just can't settle on some idiot gawaar type of person". What about love? To this, she replied "I will definitely fall in love with the guy I marry". Once I found her checking the matrimonial advertisement in a leading newspaper.

My conclusion: She is looking for love in a well, not in a river.

Case Two: A Muslim woman who married according to her father's wish and got divorced the same year for reasons known to them only. She wanted to start a new life so continued her studies which she left after getting married. Let's name her Ms. Y. She fell in love with a guy who studies in the same university. After courting her for two years, the guy flatly refused to marry her on the ground that she is a divorcee and his mom doesn't approve of their relation. Still, to the world she is a divorcee! Did the guy ask his mom before courting her? She now thinks her world has ended and that she needs to settle on any guy that comes on her way.

My conclusion: Everything is fair in love but do not fall for a fool! This world is for people who has the courage to move on and who hopes for the best.

Case Three: A north-eastern woman who is in love with her mayang classmate. Let's call her Ms. Z. She is 27 years old and looks very lovely, fair and of medium height. Now, who won't fall for a fair, young and beautiful lady? Among all her admirers, she chose a mayang leaving behind some north easterners fuming. The north eastern guys think that she in the process of degrading herself and blame her for being too easy! Who is to be blamed here? She said, "What sin have I committed by falling in love with a mayang? Don't I have the right to fall in love with the guy that my heart wants? And I'm not the first person who has done this and there are lot of women who married mayangs and there will be many in the future to come". I told her to think carefully as the divorce cases are high in this kind of marriage.

My conclusion: No one has the right to dictate her, it is up to her to choose her own guy but considering the pros and cons of such marriage, one should be ready to handle any stressful situations.

Case Four: A Meitei woman who is in a relationship with a Meitei guy for many years and now when the time for marriage comes both are in doubt over saying 'I do' for life. Let's give the name Ms. J and Mr. T. Both of them are in their late 20s and are in the right time to get married but ever since the word 'marriage' came up, both of them have been having hiccups over the idea! The reason behind is that both knows each other too well that the negative qualities of each other stands out distinctly. They feel that they are incompatible and the thought of staying together for years to come drives them crazy. So the guy went ahead looking for a compatible life partner and Ms. J has decided to do the same.

My conclusion: Had they given sometime to each other, they would have gone through the rough patch of their life. If they were really incompatible, would they really carry on the relation for many years? The answer is a big 'NO'.

These are some of the cases I have come across as I grow up and open my eyes to the life around me. I have also seen cases of guys leaving their long time girlfriend for a new girl, not that the new relation lasted long. It ended as abruptly as it started. I have also seen break-ups due to the availability of a better option. For example, the guy or the girl after getting a suitable job/A-grade job dumps the long time partner who was also responsible in making the person he/she has become. Love was thrown out in a gutter as soon as the 'high-profile' job comes in.

Or the guy/girl dumps the partner citing lack of qualification to be called his wife/her husband! In other way, she/he doesn't match up to the standard of the partner. My question to them: Were they born a winner? It was their partner who had given them the much needed moral support and for some even monetary support to become what they are now. The other partner equally has a hand in making him/her the person that he/she is now. And why throw them out of their life when the dark cloud had passed away!

Love is constantly sold and bought in the market of love nowadays. To love is to bargain for a new beginning and if you are able to bargain better, you will get a better deal in life. Love changes its colour from green to brown to blue when it should remain red as ever as it could. Seeing all these, my opinion on life and love changed from white to black! When the honeymoon phase in love gets over, you get to see the true colour of your life and love.

But these are just few examples I have noticed so discouraging love would be like asking the person to shun away a part of his/her most beautiful part of life. Love, if it is true, gives you the strength to face the various problems of life. It can bring happiness on a much larger picture. Like my friend who was so smitten by a woman that he ended up marrying her on a short notice and it has been a peaceful and contented life so far. Love happens to each of us at least once in a lifetime so handle it beautifully. You can't fall in love with each and every person that comes on your way. Once your love goes away, it is difficult to start all over again.

As of now, Ms. X is still unmarried and the application form for marriage is still out. She will remain unmarried for a long time as her expectations are too high. One has to consider her caste before approaching her for marriage as she is a Brahmin and a strict vegetarian. Ms. Y has decided to remain single for some years until she finishes her studies. However, it is likely that she will marry if a good person comes to her life. It must be extremely difficult for her to fight the conservatism of her religion, the pressure of her family and society to remarry once again. She has to marry if she wants to make way for her sisters to settle down in a descent family.

For Ms. Z, the courtship is still on. Let us see whether they end up in a marriage hall or a pathetic break-up. She is still very happy! Coming to Ms. J, it seems both of them realised the futility of searching a compatible life partner as they realised that in this vast universe there is a law which says, 'opposites attract'. To explain further, opposite charges attract and same charges repel and it looks like they suddenly remember this Newton's idea as both are science students! Now, preparations are on for a grand wedding and they sent me a special invitation.

I have written about life and love about others but what about me! Well, I have been in a steady relation for many years and we do have our fights like any other normal couple. And it is among these fights that we sort out our differences and try to come to a common point of understanding. As for marriage, I'm keeping my fingers cross because it might happen any moment or never at all! This is the mystery of my love affair but I'm still glad that I'm in love with a human being, not a robot without emotions.

To be continued....