The game of my heart

Birkarnelzelzit Thiyam *

If feelings are what we feel and emotions are what we express, then feelings are internal & intangible and emotions are externally expressed and usually having a tangible form. The smile that comes to your face when you see a laughing emoticon is a perfect example of how this works. But, not at all times are the feelings and emotions proportional on the equation.

Sometimes, when people are very angry or suppressed or confused, they cry. Does it mean they are sad ? No. It simply means they have poured out their feelings through an expression of a certain emotion. When we are angry, observe how sometimes we don’t feel like eating or when we are sad, we eat too much. These are feelings to be vented out through different routes.

But when we think about crying, society made it so gender specific that men lost their rights somehow to cry. A crying male human species is an overrated character in life. Crying is a means of venting out.

It either makes you strong or weak, it neither aggravates nor lightens the situation- tears flowing through eyes sometimes are feelings that cannot find words, music that cannot find its rhythm, love that cannot find expression, loss that cannot be grieved and happiness which knows no boundaries. The act of crying is pure, it's involuntary, though it's hormonal, but surely, it's pious.

When care is expressed, what the other feels is so important. People often say, there is no need to show how much we love people. No, we human beings are very sensitive, we usually need to be shown and told because words become the vehicle to our feelings. Emotions should find their way into the relationship spaces that you hold with people.

Making someone feel important, taking care of a person, going out of the way to help mortal beings, caring for fellow human species, being there with people mentally, physically and emotionally are ways to show that the world is a livable place- not just a survivable place.

Memories that etch in our brains are of what people did to us, how they made us feel and how their gestures made us feel. There is a saying- when you have to choose between right and kind, choose kind. The continuous application of this saying makes people do the right things with kindness and compassion. This is what is lacking in the world today.

Do you know who becomes your best friend ? It is not someone you enjoyed the trip with or enjoyed your beer with. Its someone who held your hand during hard times, somebody who let you cry like a baby in their arms, a person who cheered you up to get up again and face life with a little more courage, someone who was there on the phone with you for hours to just let you feel okay, someone who had the courage to tell you the truth. Emotions revolve around honesty.

Dishonest emotions often lead to feelings of mistrust and grudges and there comes the virtue of forgiveness. When we forgive, we accept a part of that person as it is. No change. And acceptance gives us the courage to become stronger, humbler and more adaptable. Forgiveness is love. Once you forgive someone with your whole heart, you don’t change them-you change yourself. And when you change, you evolve! And if you don’t evolve-it becomes extinct.

Think about how you feel and how you react- people dealing with anger issues can for example understand their triggers. Triggers are situations that make you angry-it could be an unreasonable girlfriend, a nagging parent or any issue you are very sensitive about. When you know the trigger-the brain just produces a series of reactions that aggravates the situation.

Usually you are angry, not because of that situation but due to other things that happened in your past or around that incident. Your inability to control the mind to stop this chain reaction is when you get out of control. The brain is very happy – it has a trigger (feeling), it produces chemicals (emotions)- both physically, manifested as fighting, picking up a knife to kill someone, banging your own head in the wall, crying; and mental – tension, guilt, fear etc.

The issue is that our brains are trained well for negative reactions and aren’t trained so well about positive reactions. So think if you can control this chain reaction through an act of talking to a friend, watching a humorous movie, walking out and not encountering that situation, listening to songs, reading the Bible-something that can disrupt the series- that’s when you get in control. Then the mind does play you. You play with your mind to produce the feelings and emotions you want.