Guilt free self love - Not a sin!

Dr Sumedha Kushwaha *

The ultimate goal of everyone's life, I believe is to be happy! We earn money, eat good food, study and excel in exams, spend time with people we love, travel, do shopping- For what? Simply to be happy.

Many a time, that happiness is directed inside for our own selves and many a time its external- for others. But, people become so guilty if they choose their own happiness first and take action to satisfy their desires before making other people happy. Is it a sin?

If we choose to be happy before making others happy, it is not selfish, it's self-love. The only relationship and the person you are answerable to is- yourself, not anyone else.

Please do not take it in a negative light but so many times we strive hard to prove to the society that 'look, we are a good human being', we are constantly trying to tell our children- 'look, I am working so hard to educate you', we tell our spouse- 'I didn't go out with my friends because you were at home', we tell our parents- 'we want to take care of you, that is why we aren't taking up that job overseas'.

We not only tell them but we invariably reinforce that thought in our brain too. We keep telling ourselves that we have responsibilities towards others. I agree we have come in this life to fulfil roles and responsibilities. The moment we are born, our role is to be a daughter or son to a couple, then our role becomes that of a student, then as a friend, professional, parents, grandparents and so on.

These are all roles that we play. Sometimes successfully, sometimes unsuccessfully- and that is alright! But the fact of major importance is to understand who is actually playing these roles and when not in role-play, who is this person inside. Once we get connected to this person/ energy which is inside of us, life becomes the most delicious soufflé.

This source of energy is just like a flame- observe meeting whom it becomes brighter or flickers or goes dim. See how doing certain things makes you happier for no reason and what makes you sad?

Choosing actions which make you happy is the best gift you can give to yourself. Happiness is also choosing to leave and give up what we do not like. Frequently, we are stuck in a situation physically, emotionally, mentally or with some person who is the source of our unhappiness.

Use the law of exclusion if you do not know the source of your happiness but you surely know the source of your unhappiness- eliminate that factor and see if it brings any solace. Be in love with yourself to the extent that no matter how clumsy you look today, how unmanaged your emotions are, how stupid you behave to circumstances, if anyone loves you or not, whatever the day brings- You just love yourself. Period.

Some time back, I was fretting before going to a party as I had some grey hair shining on my head. I was really conscious. I kept trying to hide them, thought of coloring them, thought it makes me look so ugly..

While these thoughts kept on the surface as these did not suit the role I had to play in the party of being a cool chick- I tapped into the person/energy inside meMe- How do I look? The energy- You look beautiful. Me- Umhm, but these grey hair? The energy- Its a part of you, accept it. I love you.

I took a deep look into the mirror and understood, if only I think these are bad, they become bad and only if I think these are beautiful and very much a part of me, they will look classy. Believe me, I flaunted my grey hair for the first time. I had no shame, no embarrassment, no shyness to be myself. This is who I was.

People will treat you the way either you treat yourself or how you train them to treat you! Self-love comes in various forms, choosing the version of your happiness is absolutely up to you.

Choose the best dish in the restaurant without looking at the price, spend time with your friends and leave your children with the spouse for some time, take a selfie, pamper yourself at the salon, go for a game of football with your friends, go for a long drive alone, listen to your favorite podcast, go for a coffee date with yourself, take a walkdo whatever absolutely makes you happy.

Guilt free self-love is such an indestructible source of happiness. It doesn't need to be big things always but a constant effort of smaller things!

The place where we put our attention and energy grows and blooms. So, choose your ownself and replant this in you and see the difference.