Siege of Power and Romantic Sex!

G S Oinam *

In one Bengali proverb, "Dhani lagi lathi khai; nari lagi prano jai." (If you greed wealth you will get lash; if you lust in women your life will get lost). Successful men do not want romantic sex, they want power driven sex. They want to feel in control. For men, it must be just an expression of power.

Says Dr. Prakash Kothari, sexologist, "It is rare to find powerful man with no desire of sex; the more creative and powerful the man, his interest in sex. Truth is, powerful men crave for instance, novel experience; the trait can be self destructive. For men in powerful positions, it is a calculated risk, because they think women will not complain. They have done it before and get away; they have seen others did it too. K.P.S. Gill, former Punjab DGP, Haryana DGP Rathore, Lt. General A.K. Nanda, Golf player Tiger Wood, Ex- Governor ND Tiwari, Former US President Bill Gate, Anand John where thinking when made these infamous sexual advances thus risking the collapse of their career. They are now, all fall guys!

Recently, India's women hockey coach M.K. Kaushik resigned on sexual harassment charges to women hockey players. Complainant says 'he has not got physical; it was only lewd language. We ask do you want us to wait till it gets physical.'Do men go weak in their knees when they see glamorous women at work? There are millions of cases about boss taking advance and harassments to subordinate employees in work place and office. Why do we have increasing cases of powerful men risking everything for sex? Are power and sex somewhat connected? Expert says 'yes'.

"Powerful men want a kick. They hate monotony; they have to keep doing something to increase their arousal. These are go- getter men, who don't stop to think about danger" Marvin Zuckerman added in TOI. There was a time when women took their body along with bio data. Men gave muscle power and women gave their bodies.

Whatever it is power trip or the pursuit of pleasure or fantasy, the thrill and the chase certainly is not worth risking at all. We are also seeing a shift in the new paradigm towards sexual favouratism, while sexual rejection also has huge repercussions. Call it the new sexual politics at work. Interestingly, what make powerful men do it is the fact they think they are invincible, says Suman Nalwa, ACP Delhi Police.

Even wonder why some people pine over their lost love for long? Scientists say it is because romantic rejection triggers the same effect on brain akin to kicking an addiction. The study, the first to examine the brains of heart broken people, fund imagination of their former partners activate their brain region associated with addiction cravings, control of emotions, feelings of attachment and physical pain and distress.

The result provide insight into way it might be hard for some people to get over a break up and why some people take extreme steps like committing suicide? Romantic love is an addiction said study author Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University in New Jersey. It is a very powerfully wonderful addiction when things are going well and a perfectly horrible addiction when things are going poorly. Thinking of ex- lover after split activates regions of brain associated with addiction craving. Researches have developed a word game that can help tell whether a romantic relationship is heading for a split. Which shows how lovers automatically respond to words?

In this case, they find it easier to link words referring to their partner to words with pleasant or unpleasant meanings. The research believes that the brain's response to romantic rejection may have an evolutionary basis.

Couples who are close can actually detect each other's feeling of fear, happiness and sexual arousal claims a study. Familiarity with a partner enhances detection of emotional cues in that person's smell, Rice University Psychologist Denise Chen said. Nearly two thirds of the time participants could pick up the specific emotions from their partner's body odor, and couple who had lived together the longest was best at homing in on each other's emotional odors.

The accuracy rate dropped to 50% for opposite sex strangers. Most women enjoy best sex as they approach 40 because they fear that their 'biological clock' is ticking, say researchers. A new study has found women are more likely to have sexual fantasies and affairs in their 30s and early40s than in their younger year, despite the fact their bodies may be in decline. It may come as a surprise to many, but the most desirable duration for sex is just 10 minutes. Survey says between one and two minutes was too short, three to seven minute was acceptable, any anything over 13 minutes was too long.

Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy of all night long. This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction. Even worse, the moans and groans in bed were usually intended to manipulate male partners- into speeding up the process, say research from UK. Women reported using these vocalizations to speed up their partner's ejaculation due to boredom, fatigue, discomfort, time limitation, Gayle Brewer, one of the study's authors as saying.

In a new study in France, researchers found that obese women ( over weight ) had more trouble finding a partner than their normal weight counterpart, though the same was not true for obese men, and were four times as likely to have an unplanned pregnancy. Fat men also reported a high rate of erectile dysfunction. The researchers found that obese women were less likely to ask for birth control service, and thus, four times more likely to accidentally get pregnant. Further, Antidepressants pills cut desire in women. A study from the journal of obstetrics and gynecology 2008, had found that nearly half of all women suffer from one sexual disorder or another.

Finally, sex for babies may soon be history. Couples may stop having sex to conceive babies within a decade and use in vitro fertilisation instead, scientists say in news report. About thirty could routinely conceive babies using IVF within the next ten years because it will have become better than sex as a means of reproduction, the scientist from Australia and Europe predicted. With the next five to 10 years, couples approaching 40 will access the IVF industry first when they want to have a baby. Advance in IVF technology means it will be possible to produce embryos with a success rate of virtually 100% and cultivate them in computer controlled storage facilities, the Daily Mail reported.

Spiritually speaking, sex is sacred; it is the temple of god. It is not only a child that is born out of sex; you will be reborn too; sex is very source of creativity. What can be more valuable than life? God has chosen sex as vehicle of life. And those who have gone beyond say that another life, spiritual life, also comes though it. Bible says" Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity"

Salvation is the destination. Love is the way, however, sex provide three interesting detours- procreation, recreation and creation- on the path for one who wants to be God. Science provide healthy of sex and protection. Freedom from sex is not repression of sex. By understanding, one goes beyond it. But that does not mean that you will be angry, against it and antagonistic. You will be blessed. Your sex energy is nourishment for you Sandhi. It is out of mud of sex that the lotus of sandhi is going to bloom.

Knowing your sexuality, one day you will stumble upon spiritually, spiritual guru said. It is life, keep it clean. And if sometimes you do show interest in these things it is only because some sexuality is there. That is why 99% of art is sex based, because 99% of people don't want anything else. Film, novel, even so called religious books- are of full of sexuality. Sometimes it is condemnation, but they go on talking about the physical, the sexual. And sometimes they are obscene. It is a vehicle of life; one must know the rules of road and driving i.e. morality. These heavenly pleasures are sometimes surrendering to hell and accept the death at the moment our mind abuse the rules of sex, moral value and ethics.

"You will need civilization, culture, education, but don't get identified with them. They are games one can play them because one has to live in society…" Osho remarked.

Stop snoring, your partner don't like it (Dr. Sanjeev Mehata, chest specialist, Mumbai in TOI)
Snoring is an irritant; adjust your lifestyle to get better and soundless sleep. It is disturbing to others .Your bed partner don't like it. When we fall asleep, muscles in the upper airway relax and this causes the breathing passage to become narrow. As air tries to pass through the narrow upper airways, they vibrate, making the sound of snoring. When worsens, these passage get blocked- often hundreds of time every night. This obstructive sleep apnoea (OSA) is commonly seen in middle age men, who are pushing the scale over the limit, through women are not spared.

It can be control by
1. Losing body weight.
2. Exercise regularly
3. Sleeping on your side- the tongue does not fall back
4. Avoid alcohol and sleeping pills.
There increase relaxation of throat and tongue muscles, which makes snoring more likely. And
5. Clearing your nasal passages.