Imphal, March 09: Manipur is the second worst nightmare for a married woman among the eight North Eastern States.

According to the recently concluded 2005-2006 National Family Health Survey (NFHS-3) conducted by the Ministry of Health and Family Welfare, Manipur is a close second to Tripura when it comes to domestic violence cases.

Approximately 43.9 per cent among the 4,512 married women respondents in the age group of 15-49 , have revealed that they have have faced domestic violence at one point of time or the other.

The women respondents were from 3498 households spread across various districts of the State.

The NFHS-3 findings also revealed that Tripura has the highest cases of domestic violence among the North Eastern States while Meghalaya and Nagaland are the safest places for married women in the region.

Approximately 44.1 percent of married women in Tripura in the age group of 15-49 years have faced spousal violence.

Assam ranks third with 39.6 pc.

Meghalaya and Nagaland have the lowest cases of domestic violence with 13.1 and 15.4 percent respectively.

Among the rest, Arunachal Pradesh records 38.8, Mizoram 22.5 and Sikkim 16.5 percent respectively.

Domestic violence rate is higher in the rural areas than in urban areas in most of the North Eastern States.

The only two exceptions are Manipur and Nagaland where surprisingly domestic violence is more in urban areas.

Domestic violence in Manipur's urban area touches the 44.4 per cent mark, while in rural areas it is 43.7 per cent.

In Nagaland it is 15.6 percent in urban areas and 15.3 percent in rural areas.

The 2005-2006 National Family Health Survey (NFHS-3), the third in the series, has for the first time incorporated parameters such as spousal violence against women, HIV/AIDS-related behaviour and the health of slum populations, apart from information on population, health and nutrition in India and each of India's 29 States.

The earlier surveys were carried out in 1992-93 and 1998-99.According to W Sobita, secretary of Women Action for Development (WAD), an NGO working on violence against women in the state, "Domestic violence does not necessarily mean dowry burning or physical assault.

It can be in the form of a subtle harsh look, verbal scolding, a finger raised to signal anger, bullying and even not talking to you.

"The main reasons behind the rampant domestic violence are polygamy, the inherent male chauvinism in our patriarchal society, poverty, illiteracy, drug abuse, alcoholism, dowry and armed conflict," she adds.

"Dowry is emerging as a major factor for domestic violence.

In north India, dowry means demand before the marriage.

Here, we have the concept of awonpot which are gifts to the daughter at the time of marriage and which is not demanded.

"But often after the marriage there would be frequent taunts about the awonpot causing great mental stress and domestic disharmony," says Romeobala, counsellor in-charge at the Family Counselling Centre attached to the Imphal West District Police Station.

What is more alarming is how many of this cases, some of which reach the heights of heinousness in their intensity, seldom make its formal appearance in police records or any other crime records.

For the simple reason that most women choose to tolerate these crimes as they are committed by their loved ones.

According to figures from the Crime Branch, Imphal, a total of 58 cases related to domestic violence were reported from 2001 to September, 2006, which is only the tip of the iceberg if you go by the unspoken fact that almost every third household in the state probably is witness to domestic violence.

During the ten year period from 1997 to 2006, only 30 cases pertaining to cruelty by husband and relatives were registered with the Imphal West District Police Station.

What is worrying is how in many cases the women themselves justified the physical assaults.

An independent survey conducted by this correspondent among 50 married women including women from Meitei, Muslim, Kuki and Naga communities found that at least 44 per cent of the women justify a man beating his wife for going out without telling him, while 76 per cent said that the man can beat the wife if she neglects the house or the children.

Another 54 per cent justified the beating in case of the wife arguing with the husband and 52 per cent justified the beatings is she shows disrespect to the in-laws.

Another 34 per cent justified spousal violence on suspicion of infidelity while 24 per cent justified the same if the wife doesn't cook food properly.

Altogether 38 per cent of the respondents said they have been slapped by their husbands, while 16 per cent reported that their husbands had forced her to have sexual relations when she didn't want to.

Another 24 per cent said they have been kicked and beaten up, while 14 per cent said they have been threatened with a knife or a gun.

For most the violence both in and outside the house is so internalized that there is no other definition of a normal life.

"He might be beating me black and blue the whole night, but the next day, the love returns and we are normal again," says Baby (name changed) who toils about seven hours a day as a domestic help in a couple of houses, and yet has to shell out her pitiful earnings to her alcoholic, out-of-work husband every month, or else face beatings and taunts.

Social stigmatization about a woman separated from her husband or staying at her paternal house is another reason for the silence.

Another cause of worry is the effect of this domestic violence on the children who often turn to drugs or alcohol, or in extreme cases, think that becoming part of the underground movements is a better option.

"We have internalized the culture of violence so much that on one hand, the violence that we see and experience outside is reflected in the home," adds Sobita.

For generations, Manipuri women have faced bayonets and gun barrels to fight for the safety of their home, hearths and husbands.

Yet it is within the confines of this very home and hearth that they have been silently enduring the worst crimes against them � basically out of love, and mostly because due to the societal set-up and lack of awareness.

Even the presence of vigilante women bodies like the Meira Paibi which had its genesis in the Nishabandi movements in the mid-1970s aiming at the curbing of alcohol and drugs abuse and the resultant domestic violence, has done little to deter this rampant but ignored crime against the very essence of humankind.

Meanwhile, apart from a handful of dedicated social workers, governmental agencies like the State Women and Child Department are yet to address this issue with the determination it calls for.

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