You are So Beautiful
Part - I

By Pangamba777 *

'Somi, are you busy now?' I shot through the office messenger.
Instantly, a message box popped up on my monitor screen, 'Naw. Getting bored. Why...?'

I hesitated a moment. This is one thing I hate to say to her. But I decided anyway, and began to type in the message box, 'Somi, would you care to come outside with me... alone, if you will?' And clicked 'send'. Already my heart began to beat faster.

Suddenly, there was silence from the other end. I waited for two minutes. Still no reply came. And my heart began to pound heavily and quickly. I started to feel sorry inside... I should not have sent... And as I began to type in the message box, 'I am really very sorry, Somi. I really didn't mean to....' suddenly, a message box popped up on my monitor screen again.

'Yes, this time. No next time please. Never mind.' It's like saying 'the door is opened for you, dear but you cannot enter'. What kind of riddle she was trying to play with me this time, I wondered.

I felt blushed inside for a moment. For a few seconds, several thoughts were flying at the speed of light inside my head. But I had to decide... quickly. I didn't know what to say at that instant; no words came out so easily. But I knew, one word is all that is enough to break a relationship apart.

After a rigorous thoughtful few moments, I took a deep breath and began to type... 'Okay. I'll be waiting for you outside. But please don't get me wrong anyway.'

'NP*. I'll be right there in a few minutes.' She shot back. *[NP= no problem]

It was somewhere in the latter half of 2008. And it was a Full Moon night. On that 'day' we had less or no work. And I got bored just as she was. As I logged off my workstation and proceeded towards the main door, several replays of the past began to replay again and again inside my head.

Just seven months earlier then, we both were total strangers. We never spoke to each other before, though we sometimes looked at each other. I was too shy to start a conversation with her. But I felt inside somehow she could be my good friend someday.

One day, I took the initiative, and instantly she agreed to be my friend. Since then gradually and slowly, we became close friends. We began to share our likes, dislikes, music, movies, and more than anything else, we shared our hearts.

She was a beautiful girl from Mizoram. She was also a quiet, decent and intelligent lady. Only thing, I think, she lacked in her was her height: she was short. But her figure was attractive and alluring. One day, I asked her wryly, 'Somi, have you ever tried modelling anytime?'

'Oh, I never thought of it even in my wildest dreams.' She snapped back... 'But I desired becoming an airhostess.'

'Then what happened?' I asked her.

'I was a little short below what they required.' She smiled shyly.

But still you're so beautiful... ....

As I walked through the main door of the office, another replay of the past was being replayed before my eyes.

It was just a few weeks earlier then. We both were waiting for vehicle for drop after work in the early morning. She looked tense that day. And I felt she wanted to say something to me. I always saw smiles on her beautiful moon-like face, but on that 'day', I never saw her smile. I wanted to ask her why but I couldn't. Something kept me from asking her.

At last, she seemed to gather all her strength and started slowly in a low voice, 'Pangamba, I hope you won't mind...' Suddenly, I began to panic inside. What if she were going to say, 'I am sorry, dear, I've got my boyfriend... and it's not you...' I couldn't even think of it. No boy desires to lose a beautiful girl at all cost.

She continued hesitantly, 'I wanted to say to you this at the very beginning but...' But you said you had no boyfriend...?

My head began to spin. My stomach began to churn inside. I got irritated a bit by her utter hesitancy. 'Somi, tell me everything. Please don't keep me wondering. I am all ears to you, dear.' I spoke up with a little annoyance. People who were also waiting for vehicle nearby turned to stare at us. I don't care them now, let them think whatever they want...

She kept quiet a minute, her beautiful eyes looking down. I kept wondering inside. What if she were going to say, 'Pangamba, I love you...' But this was not the right place where a girl would say those three words from her deepest being. And I knew she wouldn't say that so easily.

And then she started slowly again, looking at me, not at my eyes directly, 'This is one thing I hate to say to you. But I want to let you know this...'

What could this possibly be? When she was in any financial needs or anything, she never hesitated with me. And also whenever I was in need of something I confided her. But why should she feel so hesitant today? She was always frank and straightforward... Or was she trying to play with me by acting like this? But her eyes were telling me she certainly was not playing with me.

'Listen Somi, I won't mind anything you tell me. But please tell me clearly what you want. Please don't keep me with my fingers crossed, dear....'

At last, she spoke with a emotion-filled trembled voice, 'Pangamba, I know how you think about me.' Oh... I also know how you think about me, dear... 'But I am sorry to say this: please don't ever try to fall in love with me.' Girls say this phrase often only to guys they love but don't want to hurt for some reason or the other. At first, I thought it was a joke but she was serious.

'Are you really serious?'

'Yes, I am.' She said firmly fighting her emotions... with her eyes staring down. My God! Suddenly, I felt as if a lightening struck on my head. I felt very sad deep inside. I never thought she would say that Or she could have said it much earlier. I am in love already and now she's telling me, 'don't love me, dear...'

Sometimes boy-girl best friends do fall in love. And it's a painful feeling when you know you're going to lose someone so close to heart. Love does not always bring people together; sometimes it does separate apart.

I kept quiet a few moments. Inside my head were flying several thoughts... she told she had no boyfriend presently... she told she never got engaged with anyone... what else could be the reason? I couldn't think of any possible reason why she changed her mind so suddenly. And I couldn't ask her why.

We were silent a long moment without saying a word each other. Still the vehicle didn't come yet. What the hell has happened to the driver! A tyre puncture again?

At last, she seemed to have read my mind and began to say slowly in a low voice, 'Pangamba, you have a beautiful heart I always care not to hurt. If I ever hurt it, I would be terribly sorry for the rest of my life.'
Oh! Flattering me before saying goodbye, huh? You hurt me anyway, dear.

She continued after a small pause, 'But I don't want to break my mother's heart in any way.' So you had to break my beautiful heart, huh? 'She is all I have, you know. She always desires a Catholic boy for me. And I want to fulfill her desire.' Catholic boy?... Her mother!

Oh! I am going to lose you Miss Beautiful because I am not a Catholic.... 'But Somi, you never told me this before, did you?'

'Pangamba, I am sorry; I was wrong about you... I couldn't resist...' She never completed the sentence. At that moment, I wished the word 'sorry' had never existed at all... ...

Notes: Names changed and some facts ommitted in this story.

To be continued...