Too much too good ?

Nehashree Wahengbam *

We all have had regrets and complaints. What for ? In most cases, it's rather always because of 'shortage' and 'not enough'.

I, for once, almost spent half of 2020 dwelling on what I did 'not have'; and to add, specifically if it were something a pioneer did. And now that I look back and thoroughly think it down; with the 'new year - new me' scheme, it only adds further into my piles of regret.

Could I have done anything better with the time I wasted? Could I have been more productive? More resourceful? That, I guess, would only remain an anxious late-night thought. But! There have been things better than that; good things! Happy lessons! Some most specifically being 'gratitude' and 'contentment' and 'abundance'.

One thing we can all agree on is, definitely, that 2020 has been one long ride. A lot happened during the year, despite nothing actually happening; we all got so much closer despite all the social distancing. Truly an iconic irony it was.

But what is truly important is that we survived the year. We made it to year-end with all that we 'have'. Unfortunate enough, some didn't. Getting a free ride around the sun is not something everyone gets redeemed every 365 days. But we did. Me and you; and my loved ones and your dear ones and everyone we've cared for in every heartbeat.

People have been tragically torn apart from what they've tried so hard to hold on to. And as unfortunate as it is, maybe that's just how things are. We are so unaware of what is to come; what is to happen; what is to be of us. And the unknown is scary, it's frightening.

We like to believe while striding along the dark tunnel, of what is termed 'life', filled with weariness and anxiety, that a bright light near the end is awaiting; waiting for our arrival, and just that, is enough to make it up for all the fear; that is enough for all sufferings to be worthy of.

But is the bright light really there? Does a comfort so great as mentioned that'll make it up for everything really exist? Another thing to overthink at 2 a.m instead of getting eight hours of peaceful sleep.

Am I being too negative? Hold on.

The future, the unknown is frightening. It is scary and makes us feel inexperienced and hair-raising anxious. Why? Ever thought down, the future is 'something we don't have yet'. Mind-blowing, yet very very true.

But something that we already have? The present. And is it terrifying? Maybe, but then at least it's something known, something we can take control over. The present, I say, is yours, fully and truly, it's ours.

We have it in our hands, and so do we have in our hands what we make of it. And just wasting it, letting it slip off our hands is a real waste, a waste of time and your potential. And an insult to all those who weren't as lucky as you.

I spent almost half of last year; i.e., 4320 hours, whining and complaining and sulking. Everyone around me was tall, I wanted more height; everyone seemed to have a deserving device of their own, I wanted one for myself; stanned a new group, I wanted an album; saw a cute kitty, I wanted to adopt it; saw everyone looking pretty, I wanted to be pretty as well!

So many wants, so many wishes. Eventually, I got none of those fulfilled. Do I regret it? Not really. But the real question is, would I be any happier if I got all those fulfilled? Or would I just find something else that upsets me?

Would you truly be any happier if you got all you want, or would you just find more things to hate?

But things I do have? Two as loving as they are amazing, individuals for whom my heart is overwhelmed with so much love and respect, as my parents; an adorable and equally annoying quirky little sister; two best of friends who have my back in every step I take; so many great acquaintances and near friends; the cutest cat known to me as my dearest pet; and to add, the comfort and security of the four walls of our peaceful abode, our home.

And these are just a few things among my heart's list of all the things I'm so so grateful for.

My point? There may be a lot of things that you 'don't have', but there are also a lot of things that you 'do have'. And just because you're not abundant in a way doesn't mean you have to belittle yourself where you do. Because maybe sometimes, what you have may be someone else's manifested wish.

You are blessed so embrace it! Appreciate every little thing you have and watch them become sparks of light and guide you through your journey to the unknown.

All that you truly need, is, always around you, beside you and with you. And mayhaps being content is the best thing we can offer.