Discipline as usual,today. Get breakfast ready, get the children dressed and drop them to school. Come back home, after another breakfast prepared for Grandma, helped her get ready for the day. Grey sky, leaves beginning to turn, I eagerly got ready for my bycycle ride. After 10kms, I was exhausted. I cleaned up and looked at myself in the mirror. I was quite happy with what I saw.

After the birth of my youngest child, I am getting back my forme slowly. A SMUG look stares back at me. I thought " what else? no worries ". A tiny tug in my heart, like a stab. When my thoughts wanders back home...the miseries, the UGs, and the conditions of living....My expression in the mirror is no longer smug. I see dismay and anger.

I decided to vent out my anger in writting. I have always been a believer in positive things but the situation leave me frustrated. At first, I blamed it all on the economic stituation. The story of economic struggle, multiplied thousand times over is the situation of our people. We are shamed by our inability to create enough good jobs and keep its people at home. Hard economic reality has shifted the sentiment.

Today, most of the new generation's best engineers , physicians, nurses etc..have moved to bigger cities, to have better and decent living. One of the defining characteristcs of the middle class is that we all want to get out. The reason is simple - acute unemployment problem, low pay, UGs etc..and corruption in the govt. How can a simple normal person find a job? when "Money buys jobs" and not by your merits.

A simple chowkider's job in the govt. is estimated to cost not less than 1 lakh. It's hypocritical when we say its not economics. But it is more than that. We see a brighter future for ourselves outside the influence of a corrupted govt , church and the UGs. Sadly, this is no longer brain drain but more appropriately, brain hemorrhage. Very soon, our motherland will bleed dry. People leave because of lack of opportunities. The govt. shouldn't be let off the hook.

I remember as a child, how peaceful our motherland was. In the streets, we usually see few drunkards bothering no one in particular. For students studying outside and the working class, there was always a reason to come back home. But our today Manipur is bathed in bloodsheds and terror reigns. Where did we go wrong???

Religion plays very important role in our midst. I could see, we have to cope up with curruptions, lies and camouflages in this domain as well.Churches and Temples have lost their meaning and grandeur. Where did God play a role in this??

One of the positive point is that , it helps create jobs for the priviledged ones. What we connive for and get isn't what we want, if accompanied by bad feeling. The wind blows pollen, that's not news, except in our case it blows HATRED, DIVIDEDNESS and BLOODSHEDS !.

I feel drained out, felt a great expulsion of negative energy inside me, as another snippets from my memeory lane emerges...I remember the green lush meadows, the warm climate, the beautiful people, a childhood filled with happy moments. Our valued culture, the best in the whole world perhaps. I remeber neighbours bringing me fruits and vegs (all they have) to welcome me home on my rare visits.

In the end, all that is left in me is the feeling of LOVE and LOYALTY. I look at it at another angle now and I see it differently. You and I can make an effort and make it change. That makes all the difference!! Oh! My Sanaleibak Manipur. QUO VADIS !!