When we talk about Child Sexual Abuse mostly we consider it as a physical behavior by an adult towards a girl below 15 or 16 for his sexual gratification. But the victim can be a boy too. Some experts believe that male children are sexually abused as much as, or almost as much as, female children. The syndrome of SCA (Child Sexual Abuse) in both boys and girls are almost similar.

In Manipur sexual abuse in young boys is neglected and considered as a minor crime. Male child sexual abuse is a very common thing in our today's society, although not much is heard about it because it is hidden under layers of guilt, shame and societal pressure, while the victims live with torments all their lives. The parents, children's rights groups, mother's activists and government neglect to bring this issue to the attention of the entire state because they think that it is not a prominent and acknowledged problem in our society.

Sexual abuse affects the male victims in every area of life. Usually they struggle with a host of emotions such as sadness, anger, shame, disgust, fear, helplessness, nuisance, confusion, worry, humiliation, and phobias. When a victim becomes sexually active he is usually sexually aggressive and he can become an offender or perpetrator again. He may become addicted to drugs and find difficult to adjust with his family and surrounding. Only the victim knows how much CSA affects his life.

I was five when the abuse began. The most vivid memories of abuse I have are those with my neighbor's elders. I was grown up in an environment of drugs and music. During summer vacation every day big school and college boys gathered together in our neighbor's houses and used to play music at full volume and watch pornographic films when their parents were absent.

Sometime they forced me to watch pornographic materials. One day they called me and asked me to strip and one after another they began abusing me sexually. This abuse was done on a daily basis for about two months.

I didn't know if it was right or wrong. I didn't know that it was their dirty faces. Instead of avoiding them I liked to spend more time with them. Thus, the boys robbed my joy and beautiful childhood days. Unfortunately, the abuse didn't stop there.

Most people are inclined to believe that the home is the safest place to protect the children from violence, discrimination, hate and all the injustices. But for me the worse violent sexual abuse I ever remember was done in my own home. When I was studying in five or six class, my uncle used to teach me math and other subjects. One day when there was no one else in the house, my uncle called me up in his bedroom and sexually abuse me. He didn't allow me to go out from his room.

It went on until my father returned from the office. My uncle was always good to me but that day he hurt me so bad. From that day he abused me frequently whenever there was no one else in the home. I was afraid to tell about it to my mother because my uncle threatened to beat me up if I did. Besides I wasn't very close with my mother and father.

They were all busy with their own works. Before I touched my teens I was a victim of many but when I was 14, I started abusing my neighbor's kids but I didn't hurt them much like my uncle and my neighbor's boys done to me. In my teens I struggled with a host of severe depression and anxiety. I became vulgar and vile. Academically I didn't perform well. I began abusing drugs. I'd also attempted suicide several times by the age of fourteen. I used to think about suicide in daily basis but honestly, I didn't have the guts to do it.

Now I am 20 and I begin telling my friends and my brother about what really happened to me. My brother (An**) is heping me lot telling me the story of legendary rocker Jim Morrison who was sexually abused in his childhood by someone. I also started consulting about my unnamed feeling and self-destruction to the psychiatrists. But still I feel dirt, damaged and different. I realize many differences between me and my friends. I am so much more sexually alert than them.

I am also suffering from many fears and phobias. Still now I have continual temptation of suicide not all because of shame but I can't control my body mind which I think one of the syndrome of CSA. I also have serious sleeping disturbance. Sometime I have violent nightmare mostly involving violent sexual behavior. I also find hard to adjust with my family and surrounding. I also find uncomfortable with small kids.

I am anxious to spend time with them. I also become rude, vulgar and vile and frequently got involved in anger. Whenever I am angry a lot of unnatural syndromes like biting my own hand, pulling hair can be noticed. I feel that most of my life has been worthless and useless. I always think that when I could lead a healthy, full and creative life. Now when I look back, I feel it was my parent's fault too. If they kept some attention on me during my childhood days I would not be suffering from these problems.

The parents should prevent their child for being the target of unhealthy sexual advances. There are many predators out in the world living among us. They are usually the one we trust most. In Manipur it is so common for parents to leave their child in the care of an older person, such as brothers, cousins, uncles and neighbors, or in a baby care centre.

So, it becomes easier for the predators to strike when the child is in his or her control. The parents so need to be very frank and close to their child. They should talk to their child daily and listen to what she or he has to say. The most importantly, the parents should teach their child about good touch and bad touches. Perhaps the easiest way is to teach their child to tell them at once if somebody touches her or his private parts.

Child sexual abuse is a social problem that affects millions of children each year. The number of CSA will be increased every day in our society if we keep this unspeakable crime undetected and unrecognized. Let us work together on this issue to eradicate Child Sexual Abuse from our society.