Beyond and beneath relationships

Dr Sumedha Kushwaha *

What is the easiest way to become big ? It isn’t working hard or striving towards excellence. Believe me or not, it has nothing to do with you.

The easiest way to become big in your own eyes is to show someone else smaller. When you cannot run at a fast pace or match the speed of your opponent, just slow the other person down. That’s a very shrewd way that people behave in their lives.

When you start focusing on what is wrong in a person, what all they are doing incorrectly, the process of fault finding becomes bigger and better. In this process, the person who is good, becomes average and the one who is average becomes bad. They lose confidence in themselves and give up. They really start to think, I must be so bad that people are complaining. There is no smoke without fire.

In such continually trivial processes, they lose themselves and start questioning their credibility and authenticity. That is when disintegration starts. This process is very gradual that goes to questioning things that are missing and the circle is vicious. When the person tries to become better at one thing, they find another thing to harass.

Infinite number of examples, numerous places, versatile settings, where I have observed this- home, office, school, college. So many places. Utterly successful men and women dragged into underconfidence.

Why ? Because someone could not match up the pace so they tried to pull down other people. These are very toxic relationships. Parents always nagging their children, spouses constantly fighting, friends bullying each other, co-workers pulling each other down.

Relationships should be such where you empower your friends, where you understand each other's strengths and weaknesses and try to compensate. Even if the other person isn’t good at something-you communicate and try to teach and create learning experiences. Being open to change and understanding where you are lagging. Not taking everything in a negative perspective.

Trying to understand each other’s point of view. When you are so confident and good at what you do-you never pull the other person down-you always try to pull them up. You are generous with sharing your energy and resources. Because you understand the more you give, the more comes back to you. That’s the way we should love and live-without insecurities.

Relationships are meant to make you feel comfortable, warm and at peace when everything else seems to be not on your side. Your partner should hold your hand when the world leaves you alone, these should be places where you can keep coming back without having to ring the bell.

They should make you feel home. Home is never a physical place, its a feeling that you find in someone. It's something that's meant to make you feel secure and safe. Relationships are a beautiful part of one’s lives, if tended to without an ounce of doubt and with complete trust.

If life was all about finding the best person then, all you have to do is see what's best for you. But again, if it was the other way round, if life was all about being the best for the other person, then all you have to do is to keep changing for the other person. Some say a lot about finding the perfect match but hardly anyone talks about finding the perfectly unequal piece.

I know love to most is an extremely perceptual blanket but trust me, it’s what you will always miss. Love to me, it’s what willed to fit, it’s what is wished to fit, it’s the longing to stay fit. Love is the best unfulfilled feeling, it’s the only happiness you get before an achievement. It’s the best satisfying feeling in the world.

If you are in love with someone, trust the process of getting better for that individual each day. Be courageous to get out of your comfort zone for that person’s happiness. Do things which aren't easy-which you typically hate, but you do it because someone else likes it. It's difficult but totally worth someone else’s smile.

The taste of success wouldn't be as sweet, if you had no one special to share it with, the feeling of being on the stage would be incomplete without a special someone in the audience who has tears of joys for you, the victory of celebration and drunk nights of defeat wouldn't be as sad if you haven't got a shoulder to cry upon.

Love without regrets, love with all your heart. Love is exploring, so sharing helps the other person to explore you more. So, keep sharing, keep laughing, keep growing, for that’s what love is all about.