Marriage ceremony : The Zeliangrongs and Tais of Southeast Asia
- Part 1 -

Dr Budha Kamei *

"A good wife is heaven's last, best gift to man, – his gem of many virtues, his casket of jewels; her voice is sweet music, her smiles his brightest day, her kiss the guardian of his innocence, her arms the pale of his safest, her industry his surest wealth, her economy his safest steward, her lips his faithful counselors, her bosom the softest pillow of his cares."

Introduction

The article attempts to delve into the marriage and related rituals of Zeliangrongs and Tai people inhabiting in Southeast Asia. The Zeliangrong, one of the natives of Manipur are found inhabiting mainly in the Tamenglong and Noney districts of Manipur.

These people are found scattered also in the neigbouring districts of Tamenglong District namely, Churachandpur District, Senapati District, Imphal West District, Imphal East District, Thoubal District and Bishnupur District. Outside the state of Manipur, they are found settling in Nagaland in its Paren District, and Kohima, and in Assam in its Haflong sub-division of Cachar District and Hailakandi District.

The Tais are wide-spread in Southeast Asia. They live in the plains of southern China, the valleys of Vietnam; they are dominating people in Laos and Thailand; they inhabit most of the low-lying areas of northern Myanmar and a number of Tai groups are also found in northeast India.

Thus, the Tais are found innumerable groups and sub-groups under various regional names such as Shan, Thai, Lao, Dai, Nung, Bouyi, Tai Dam, Tai Deng etc. In India, the Tai people are found in Assam, Arunachal Pradesh and are known as Ahom, Khamti, Khamyang, Phake and Turung.

The institution of marriage is regarded as the backbone of all forms of human society with which we are acquitted. To the Zeliangrong and Tais, marriage is regarded as one of the important social events in the lifecycle of an individual; it serves the purpose of union of a man and a woman for reproduction and continuation of the society.

It is a necessity and customary duty for every man to get married to continue the society, although, he has to follow clan exogamy that a man must have his spouse from outside his clan and marriage within the same clan is strictly prohibited.

Among the Zeliangrongs, one who breaks the marriage code is turn away from the village. However, marriage with mother's brother's daughter is allowed and preferred. In fact such alliance unites the family, but the family circle does not expand beyond the two families.

Today, such marriage is no longer encouraged in the society. Marriage with father's sister's daughter is not permissible. Like many other societies of the world, the Zeliangrong society is also male dominated society. They are divided into four exogamous clans namely, Kamei, Gonmei, Gangmei and Rongmei.

Like the Zeliangrong, the Tai society was made up of exogamous patrilineal clans and that the widespread use of go-between may also reflect the ancient rule that a man had to choose a bride from outside his own clan.

Wedding rituals among the Zeliangrongs

Marriage is the union of a boy and a girl to form a family with social and religious consent, in which the mates, their parents and the village elders have to give consent. On the day of marriage, a ceremony called Mhairakmei is performed in which a big and beautiful cock is offered to Tingkao Ragwang, the Supreme God for wellbeing and prosperity of the couple. It is performed by an elder of Pei, village council.

The legs of the victim are carefully examined to know the omen when it dies. After the performance of the ceremony they are recognized as husband and wife. Hence, marriage among the Zeliangrongs is a religious sacrament.

Monogamy is the common form of marriage. Polygamy though not prohibited, is a very rare case and concubine is not at all, tolerated. Polyandry is totally absent. Child marriage does not exist and adult marriage is the rule. Widow or widower remarriage is allowed in the society without any loss of social stigma. They follow two types of marriage. They are: a) arrange marriage, and b) love marriage.

Arranged marriage is considered to be the best form of marriage in the society. The main processes of arranged marriage are:
(1) Lakpuilamkeo Keomei (opening by womenfolk);
(2) Nouthanmei Khatni Noutimei (proposal for marriage and bride giving day);
(3) Manthing Lemmei and Nouman Manmei (settlement and payment of the bride price) and
(4) Noushonmei (wedding ceremony).

Lakpuilamkeo Keomei: Usually in arranged marriage, initiative is taken by the boy's parents. The first duty of the parents of the boy is to trace the clan of the intended bride to ensure that they are not from the same clan because marriage within the same clan or with blood relation is a dreaded taboo. It is getting confirmed that they are not from the same clan only then the parents of the boy will start to act under the customs of the society.

Formally, the proposal will come from the boy's family. If both the boy and girl are from the same village, the necessary formalities are quite relaxed. But, if the girl belongs to other village, the necessary procedure is that some respected elderly women of the boy's village will go to the girl's house taking with them a Laogai (hoe) and a jar of wine.

The women on behalf of the boy's family will talk to the girl's parents asking the hand of their daughter for the boy. They will offer the wine to the girl's parents. In the meantime, one of them will keep the Laogai on the bed of the girl's parents or anywhere inside the house which can be seen easily by the girl's parents. This act symbolizes that the girl is being proposed. This process is known as Lakpuilamkeo Keomei.

If the girl's parents are not willing to accept the proposal, it is a custom to return the Laogai to the boy's family. If it is suitable for the girl, the same will not return. If the Laogai is not return, it means the proposal is accepted then the boy's family will continue the process of engagement.

In this connection, two respected elderly men having living wives of the village are selected by the boy's family as Nouthanpous, meaning negotiators. They will act as go between until the wedding is solemnized. The ancient Chinese saying: "Without clouds in the sky, there is no rain and without go between there is no marriage"

Nouthan Kaibang Thammei: If the girl belongs to another village then as a tradition, a house in the girl village will be engaged where the Nouthanpous will take short break before entering the girl's house. Usually, a relative/friend's house will be engaged by the boy's family for this purpose. This is called Nouthan Kaibang Thammei.

After the successful marriage, the owner of the house will be paid in kind or cash by the boy's parents for giving shelter to the Nouthanpous.

Nouthanhutmei khatni Noutimei: News will be conveyed to the parents of the girl that on this date or day, people are coming to meet them. On the appointed day, the two Nouthanpous will go to the house of the girl and talk to her parents on behalf of the boy's family.

The day on which the final words are given by the girl's parents in favour of the boy is called Noutimei, meaning the bride giving day. On this particular day, a date is fixed to declare the list of bride price.

Manthing Lemmei and Nouman Manmei: On the fixed day, the bride's family will announce the list of bride price. The items and number of articles in each item will be counting by breaking pieces of sticks. The counting will be done by the Lugaan, son-in-law of the bride's family. Thus, the bride-price is settled. This is called Manthing Lemmei.

The same pieces of sticks will be handed over to the Lugaan of the groom's family. At the end of the settlement, a date is appointed for the payment of the bride-price. On the fixed day, all the items of the bride price are paid to the bride's family. This is called Nouman Manmei.

The acceptance of the bride price symbolizes fixation of the marriage. It also signifies that the man thereafter becomes responsible for accidents that might befall to his bride.

(To be contd)