A perspective on Kabui marriage

Gaithaochungliu Remei (Sunshine) *

Scene from "The Zeliangrongs" :: Provided by Director - Ronel Haobam

This account on the ancient practice of Kabui marriage system is based on the narration of an 90 year-old Poudikhonliu Remei of Thangmeiband Tharon village.

Among the entire population of Manipur, it can be assumed that just a few have actually witnessed the traditional and customary holy marriage of the indigenous Kabui tribe. The arranged marriage of the Kabui ethnic group takes a long traditional process and lots of money are spent during the whole process, fooding included. As such, youths of the Kabui tribe mostly prefer to elope in order to shorten the wedding.

In arranged holy marriage, the groom's family take the initiative by taking traditional liquor to the residence of the girl with the objective of proposing. Failure to accept the liquor, on the part of the girl meant that the proposal has not been accepted and henceforth the "liquor" brought in earlier will be rejected.

However, if the proposal is accepted, a particular day would be fixed, on which date, the groom's family had to bring a pair of iron hoe referred to as "Lougai" in the Kabui dialect. The tool is later carefully kept under the pillow of the girl's father. The "Lougais" are strongly tightened to make sure that they do not make any striking sound.

The popular belief is that if the father of the girl experiences a good dream, it will be taken as a symbol of a happy married life for the both the girl and the boy. On the contrary, if the dream happens to be bad, it is assumed as bad omen, the process is then again repeated on the next night.

Nevertheless, if the dream is one of happiness, the father of the girl will narrate his account to the elders of both the families in the morning. Subsequently "Joupaan Keimei" literal meaning oblation of wine to the deity, is carried out. The menfolk will later rejoice yet again by consuming liquors and the procedure is referred to as "Mangai Jou Jangmei."

Later on, the boy's family will engage a house within the neighbourhood of his fiance, though it has to be of the same clan as that of with the prospective groom. The house concerned will serve as the communication centre (if the boy and the girl's families happen to be from different villages). Known as "Nouthan Kaibang), relatives of the man can take shelter at the said residence, if considered necessary, till the marriage is concluded.

Accordingly, two respected elders are chosen by the boy's family to act as a form of negotiator (Nouthanpou) till the marriage is performed.

Meanwhile, the process of offering the aforementioned "Lougai" will be delivered by the boy's family with the girl's family warmly accepting it so as to fix the date of marriage. As such, when the date is fixed, the "Joupaan Keimei" is then again carried out by the elders so that no unwanted events take place prior to the marriage. The task of bringing wine (Lat Loi Jou) by the boy's family is of huge significance and is repeated several times during the whole marriage process.

On yet another fixed date, the parties will be gathered again in which the boy's family will bring in the traditional cloth "Man-Phei" and is presumed to be the price of the bride. The intricately weaved traditional shawls are also to be distributed to most of the important elders of the girls' families.

The delivery of "Man-Phei" known as "Man-Manmei" which undoubtedly assumes enormous significance will be taken as an approval from the side of the yet-to-be bride's family. Henceforth, the girl can no longer fall in love with another person or be given as the wife to another man. The procedure will be pursued further on by choosing one girl and one boy, referred to as "Kajeb", to accompany the supposed couple to assist in the whole marriage process.

Carrying out further, in yet another fixed day, the girls of the girl's dormitory (Tuna Kailiu or Luchu) and representatives from the boy's dormitory (Kangchiu/ Kangchu) will get in together to get firewoods from nearby hillside so as to serve as the process of cooking for the upcoming grand feast. This celebratory occasion is known as "Manthing-Remmei" and could be avoided if necessary.

Prior to the day of the marriage, representatives from both the girls' and boy's respective dormitories will head for the nearest hillock to pluck and gather certain leaves known as "Pong-Ring" in the Kabui dialect. The leaves are later braided to certain length to be hanged or decorated in front of the girls' and boys' dormitories. The braided items are regarded as farewell gifts from the side of the bride towards her beloved friends and relatives. The process is known as "Samphen Phenmei."

Nonetheless, during the occasion, all those gathered at the hillside will engage in consuming wine and foods, to be followed by singing songs (Luchen-Lu). The bride will be brought down from the hill and let her place the braided items herself at the area where they are meant for.

Accordingly, both the representatives of the dormitories will put on their traditional attires and costumes accompanied by the indigenous culture of dancing merrily and head for the Kangchu for the process known as "Baangeimei" after the oblation of wine (Joupaan Keimei) is concluded wherein traditional liquors and foods brought by the girls' side are consumed as part of the event.

During the Baangeimei process, the boys and girls will stand alternatively in a circle joining hands to sing the song "Baan-Gei Lu." The entire night is marked by singing and dancing known as "Lujaam-Lu" till the outbreak of the dawn.

On the day of the marriage, the boys' side (dormitory) will head for the girl's residence where they will prepare the meals meant for the marriage feast. Others from the girls' dormitories will take the bride to the village pond and bath her with the products from certain shrubs known as "Khoi" in place of modern day soaps alongside with oil also called as "Katink" or Kangsubi in Manipuri language.

The bride will then be dressed in the traditional attire "Langmu Pheisoi" which is used as traditional dancing sarong. She will be taken to the girls' dormitory where her friends will give her presents. Earlier, the presents were given in terms of necklaces, garlands, bangles, ear-rings and others. And so, the process is called "Tu-Ta Lokmei". Tu means necklace while Ta means bangle. Lokmei means giving away from the perspective of Kabui observation.

After this, invited friends, relatives and villagers will have a grand farewell feast to be followed by counting of articles the bride will carry with her as bridal gifts. Generally, of the articles presented are included large woven baskets or bassinets called "khuk" (meant for keeping dresses), weaving implements, farming equipments and packages of cooked rice and meat which is to be consumed by the married couple and no one else. Another edible material (meat) are also distributed to the groom's side in the form of packages known as "Cha-dom".

Interestingly, a peculiar characteristic of the marriage is the humours that the groom's side will be teased by refusing to let them enter the residence of the girl once or twice to symbolize that the bride will not be given easily. Nevertheless, when the grooms' side enters, they are seated and the ceremony "Pon-Lokmei" is performed during which the groom is to be frisked by the "Nouthanpou". Discovered items are then distributed to the children. Later, after receiving the blessings from the elders of both the sides, they head for her now husband family along with five of the married woman's friends. The sending off ceremony is known as "Noutimei" which means giving away of the wife to her husband.

When they reach the residence of the husband, they will be warmly welcomed in traditional manner, and the elders of the Village court (Pei) will initiate the marriage ceremony known as "Langdai-Mailaakmei." During the ceremony, the bride and the groom are supposed to sit on a bed meant for them, known as "Langdai." Later, a cock will be sacrificed and its limbs severed once the fowl are no longer alive biologically.

Interestingly, it is assumed that the couple will bear a boy child if the cock's right leg is above the left side. If it happens to be on the contrasting side, the supposed presumption is that a girl child will be born first. Oblation of wine is then followed yet again proclaiming and revering the name of Tingkao Ragwang, an important deity of the Kabui community.

The happiness for both the couple including prosperity and fertility are revoked during the process as well. Meanwhile, the women-folk will perform the "Meipui Lamkeo-Keomei". Regarded as a teasing gesture, the process will be followed till late in the night.

Traditionally, the newly married couple does not share the same bed for the five days. The bride generally sleeps with her five friends who come to her on the marriage day. On the fifth day, the bride along with her five friends visits her paternal home accompanied by some individuals from the husband's side for a traditional feast from which day onwards the five of the bride's friends will stay behind.

This form of marriage system is one of the various forms of Kabui traditional practices that exists but has become obsolete in recent times, but still is assumed to be the most honoured one.