TODAY -

Pour me a glass of haterade

Samarjit Kambam *



Are you the kind of person who receives hate comments and criticisms?

It doesn't matter how you choose to live your life whether you build a business or work a corporate job; have children or choose not to have children; travel the world or live in the same town all of your life; go to the gym 6 times a week or sit on the couch every night whatever you do, someone will judge you for it. There will always be haters and difficult people around you.

For one reason or the other, someone will find a reason to project their insecurities, their negativity, and their reservations onto you and your life, and you'll have to deal with it.

Usually, the haters simply criticize and move on. And that means that you can safely ignore them and continue doing your thing.But that is easier said than done because we all like to be validated. Some people like it more than others, but everyone wants to be respected and appreciated to some degree. I certainly do.

I know that whenever I choose to take a risk and share my work with the society, I wonder about what my friends will think, what my family will think, and how the people around me will see me because of that choice. Will this help my or hurt my reputation? Or should I even be worrying about my reputation? Especially with writing, these questions created an internal struggle for me.

On the one hand, I believed in myself and I knew that I wanted to contribute something to the society around me. But on the other hand, I was scared that people wouldn't approve of my work and would criticize me when I started sharing the things I cared about or believed. You can either be judged because you created something or ignored because you left your greatness inside of you. Eventually, I decided that it was more important to contribute something to the society than it was to protect myself from criticism.

Be it at the workplace or at your own locality, there always will be haters and criticsaround you. Your peers may criticise you at your back. Your colleagues might watch your every step. Care two hoots about them.

In fact, appreciate them for they are wasting their precious time observingand scrutinizing you. If you can absorb their criticisms in a positive way, you are surely bound to improve yourself in the arenas where you faltered. Not only your colleagues, your superiors will come in different hues. Some will come as leaders but most of them will come as bosses.

The bosses are the ones who gives you mental agony, stress and anxiety sometimes giving you sleepless nights and even depression; negative emotions which have a destructive effect to your health and well-being and it is a known fact that we remember negative emotions much more strongly and in more vivid detail. Your superiors who come in the form of leaders will inspire you, transfer their humaneness onto you, look after your well-being and motivate you however hopeless or a dumb-ass worker you are.

He will try to pull you up by steps and inculcate in you the bright side of life. The boss will see only negativity in you, try to find fault out of you, pull your legs and yank you down the abyss with his contorted judgement about you. So far, in my entire career, I have come across more bosses than leaders as my superiors.

The leaders always remain deep inside the core of my heart which I relish their qualities of compassionand humaneness almost everyday. The bosses are forgotten once their tenure gets over. It is a natural tendency, part of emotional intelligence. Encountering leaders and bosses as your superiors in the workplace is part of the game, something you have to accept as part of your work-life.

Contrasting though the two types of your superiors are, you have to be grateful to them, one for lifting up your spirit and turning yourlife into a beautiful one, the other for making you re-invent yourself with the negative comments poured upon you as a catalyst to hone yourself in various facets.

I know that after going through this article of mine, there usually will be someone or the other who whines about how my article is totally worthless commenting, "This writer is a waste of skin. I should have known better than to waste time reading this piece of crap." And that brings us to the point that it doesn't matter what you do, there will always be someone who finds fault in you. So get over it and move forward anyway.

As Mario Andretti, one of the most successful and versatile racing drivers of all-time replied when asked about his number one tip for success in race car driving as "Don't look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go." The same could be said for your life, your work, and dealing with haters and critics. Criticism and negativity from difficult people is like a wall. And if you focus on it, then you'll ram right into it. You'll get blocked by negative emotions, anger, and self-doubt. Your mind will go where your attention is focused.

Criticism and negativity don't prevent you from reaching the finish line, but they can certainly distract you from it. However, if you focus on the road in front of you and keep moving forward, then you can safely speed past the walls and barriers that are nearby which is the preferred approach to criticism.

When someone dishes out a negative comment, use that as a signal to recommit to your work and to re-focus on the road ahead of you. Some people are determined to take things personally and tear down the work of others. Our life is too short to worry about pleasing those difficult people.Better focus on the road, not the wall.

For a balanced mind and peaceful life, neverbe the hater. Don't be the person who tears down someone else's hard work making his life a cold day in hell. The world needs more people who contribute their gifts and share their works and ideas. Support the people who display that courage.If you're dealing with criticism, surprise the criticiser with kindness. You might just win a new fan while you're at it.

It's easier to complain about the outside critics, but the biggest critic in your life usually lives between your own two ears. Mustering up the courage to move past your own vulnerability and uncertainty is often the greatest challenge you'll face on the way to achieving your goals.


* Samarjit Kambam wrote this article for The Sangai Express
The writer can be reached at kambamsamarjit0(AT)gmail(DOT)com
This article was webcasted on December 26, 2018.



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