Nagging in the name of love
- A parenting habit that needs a rethink -

Chanchan Meisnam / Melory Wangkhem *

Nagging in the name of love :: Pix - TSE

Every child has the right to grow up in loving, nurturing and safe environments, with supportive relationships and access to quality, age appropriate and psychosocial support. According to a 2025 UNICEF data, approximately 1 in 7 adolescents or around 20 % face mental health problems especially, in low and middle income countries, where the need for mental health support is particularly high.

Family plays an important role in determining the future of a child as family is the first human interaction a child faces and helps in shaping the child's behavior and his interaction with the outer world. How parents communicate with their children can significantly influence their behaviour, self-esteem and well-being of the child.

Nagging — "Complaining or criticizing" a child as a way to behaviour change is one of the commonly used methods by most parents. While nagging is used out of concern or when frustrated, we need to understand its impact on different temperament of children. Temperament refers to a child's natural disposition—how they typically react to situations, regulate emotions and interact with the world.

Nagging for NOT studying or TOO much indulgence with mobile phone. Parents usually nag--- "STUDY.... Otherwise you will FAIL and ultimately will be a USELESS PERSON !. Frequent complaints and reminding repeatedly of what to do is disturbing for anyone.

According to American child psychiatrist Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas, there are 3 temperament types in children and nagging have different impact on each type:

1. Easy child – They are adaptable, calm in nature and react well to routine and guidance. Impact : Such children will comply at first, but continuous nagging may create stress and demotivate them. Excessive criticism and judgment may erode their natural (intrinsic) desire to perform well or disturb their calm disposition. Outcome : They might start procrastinating or acting out if they are constantly reminded in a harsh and repetitive tone.

2. Difficult child – They tend to be less adaptable, tense in nature and easily frustrated. They often struggle with emotional regulation and transitions. Impact : Nagging can lead to conflict (may lead to rebellious), emotional outburst and other behavioral issues like stubbornness. Outcome : Throwing tantrums, refusing to study entirely---they view the nagging as a challenge to their autonomy.

3. Slow to warm up child – They are more cautious and shy in nature. They need time to adjust to new situations or expectations. Impact : Nagging may increase anxiousness, they may start to overthink and reduce their confidence. Outcome: They may agree that they will do their work but fail to perform task. Constant pressuring can make them feel Lice punishment and need for constant pursuance to do the task.

REMEDIES

Here are some effective remedies for parents to adopt instead of nagging.

1. Setting limits
Example : "If you complete your homework/study, you can use mobile for 30 minutes (30 min is the limit here)

2. By praising and encouraging
Example : "I am glad you have completed your homework on time. I am proud of you. This shows your responsible attitude!"

3. Adopt positive re-inforcement
Example : "Well done!! You have achieve your target for waking up at 5 o'clock every day. This Sunday we will visit the zoo. You have limited your screentime throughout the whole month!! You are a man of your word" you will be granted the Sunday outing with your friends."

4. Communication without being judgmental
Listen to their ideas without judging the child. To err is human, children too sometimes commit mistakes, they might feel demotivated. Parents need to communicate and make them feel they are with them. Instead of nagging they can narrate stories of great personalities or watch a motivating movie together.

5. Give quality time Parents need to understand the problems faced by their children and adolescents and children also need to understand their parent's expectations towards them. They need to understand why their parents is feeling anxious and care for their safety and concern.

For that both sides need to spend quality time together. Parents should set an example for their kids. You cannot nag your child for watching mobile phone if parents themselves are indulging with their phones. Neither can you help in good habit formation like getting up early if parents fail to wake up early. Just like planting a sapling need good care, a child need good care and attention to bloom.

You are the first person with whom the child interacts and through your lens your child will see the world.

"If you want to support your child's emotional health, you need to take care of your own emotions.
Your tone, energy and overall emotional presence serve as your child's emotional guidepost"----Angela Pruess