Women to women
- Empowerment starts at home -

Khumanthem Kiran *

A family scene from Manipuri film 'Dharmagi Mingda Imagidamak'

As I was attending a function at a relative's house, sitting with my 9-year old sister, an elderly woman comes up to me and starts a casual conversation, and she starts commenting on how disappointing it must be for my folks to have no male child. "Disappointing" that's the term she used, in Manipuri "nungairamaroida".

Such a remark was quite common to me, frankly saying it would be quite a surprise if at such a gathering no one commented on it. But, I was quite taken aback by this woman's comment, not because of the context but her comment in presence of a young girl irked me. Words create impression, impression of the status, the environment, the world as a whole.

When kids of such age hear comments of this nature time and again it could create an impression of "inferiority" on them as compared to their male counter parts. Children are sub-consciously (or consciously) indoctrinated to play their parts in the society as per their gender.

Traditionally, our society has been structured for women to tend to the needs of the men and the household, while the men have been the sole bread-earner of the family.

Today, however, it's a different world altogether, women are contributing in financial matters as well as overall decisions of the household. When we have made such a progress, why is there still a compulsive preference for a male child?

Maybe, generation after generation we have been subliminally conditioned to believe that the male are the "superior" ones (for whatever reason that is), so, that belief is passed down from generation to generation. Fortunately, some of us have realized the blooper in this approach and it is time to ensure that others realize the same and bring a revolution to this bizarre idea.

The conversation with the elderly woman got me thinking about the status of women in the society; are the men simply dominating the women or are women also responsible for this domination? Like it or not, let's face facts, as much as women have played their part in their empowerment, they have played their part in their own subordination.

It is peculiar where such comments stem from. It is more of women than men who have come up to me and mentioned how "poignant" it is that we don't have any brothers. "Nupaamatayaojaradiphaba...", believe it or not, those are the lines of many elderly women and not of the men.

How we throw around words, dragging down our own gender, it's weird. One can only imagine if that is the attitude of the women towards themselves, then the idea of "women empowerment" is completely misplaced. Times have changed but, sadly, the mentality hasn't.

People will respect us, only when we learn to respect ourselves enough. We can't demand respect as we please. Most of the women still are overly dependent on their partners, financially and emotionally; co-dependence is one thing, over dependence is a completely different thing. Asking their partners to buy everything ranging from their make-up items to their electronic items, proves nothing but my point, and the question as to why the guy buys is a topic for another day.

Shouting slogans on women empowerment or holding seminars will not solve the problem. Empowerment starts at home. Empowerment starts when you tell your daughter AND your son to wash their own dishes, but of course a guy doing the dishes is still a far-fetched idea in the state, it's probably an idea that would be mocked.

It is not a secret that couples often pray for a male child, the inheritor, the one who will supposedly shelter them in their old age. While growing up, a child sees all that, the preference and the desperate need for a male child, so it is no surprise for a male child to grow up thinking that he is superior to his sisters or even his mother.

It is but natural for the boy to act pompous around them, to him that's how it is supposed to be! A wife-beater just doesn't get up one day and decide to beat her up.

We have definitely moved on and there is no denying the fact that the position of women in the society has improved from what it was before. Women are working now, making their own living, are financially independent, but rarely are they mentally independent. How long are we going to hide behind the veil of one Kiran Bedi, or a Sonia Gandhi to prove the elevation of status? Let us bring our focus back to those common millions. Where do they stand? What is their status in the society?

Thankfully, we also have families that are not gender conscious any more. It might be some time before we can successfully conclude that women stand equal in the society, but there still is hope. To achieve gender equality it is necessary for women to define their work and decisions both in private and public platforms.

It is important to realize the part women play in uplifting themselves. We need to remember that, how we are with our siblings, our partners, and our friends is how we will be perceived. Either we come off needy and dependent or self-sufficient and independent. Now it is up to us as to how we would like to be perceived. To each her own.