Thank God, I don't have daughters!
- Part 1 -

S Balakrishnan *

"Thank God! I don't have daughters." When I heard this exasperated, bitter expression from a mother, I was shaken to the core. More so because it came from an Ima (mother) from Manipur which State is known for women power. For instance, in the recent times we have the lonely Iron Lady Irom Sharmila fighting for removal of AFSPA, the punching lady Mary Khom, and in the recent past the united fight of Imas against the army's special powers, and still further back in time, Rani Gaidinliu who strived for Naga unity and as well fought against the British, and then in 1939 the Nupee-lal (Women's war) against the British. With such a rich legacy behind, how could she utter those words, I was really concerned.

During the course of our stay in Manipur, we saw more of women everywhere & anywhere than men, and wondered if the women population exceeded that of men. But as per 2011 census, the total population of Manipur was 28,55,794, of which male and female were 14,38,586 and 14,17,208 respectively. But women were omnipresent, that was how we felt.

It was particularly much shocking to hear those words from a knowledgeable and enterprising Smt Prem Lata Devi. We met her in Sendra Island on the shores of Loktak Lake during a breezy evening when the setting sun was enchanting the surroundings of the little hamlet. In fact, it was Smt Devi who volunteered to help us.

We were strangers from South India (Chennai, Tamil Nadu) to that tourist spot; it was clearly written on our face; especially I very much had the 'Madrasi' features and look. Any local could easily tell that. And we were helplessly approaching the few eateries/petty shops there for a cup of tea. You know, sometimes we would be so desperate to have a cup of hot tea or coffee, without which we would feel we would die soon, no? Everyone must have experienced such a moment, I am sure.

It was such a desperate moment for us. Watching our helplessness and desperateness from a distance, Smt Devi authoritatively asked a tea shop owner, again an Ima, if she could prepare tea for us. The tea shop Ima rather politely expressed her inability for want of milk. They were conversing in Manipuri and Smt Devi explained the situation to us in Hindi. Well, it put an end to our aimless search for a cup of chai on that Island.

Smt Devi really seemed like a Devi (Goddess) to us. Chai (tea) or no chai, at least we understood why no chai, but our charcha (discussion) continued. Maybe 'chai pe charcha' would be an apt title for this story, but shocking titles sell more easily in the media. That is one of the mantras of the media.

The headline should be a catchy one; forget about the matter, it could be just a hotchpotch (like mine?). And what an informative, educative and entertaining charcha it was – for both the sides! Remember, it was our very first day in Manipur and Smt Devi, an Ima, was the first 'victim' of our investigative journalism, nay, tourism!

Smt Devi valiantly faced the volley of questions from the three of us on varied subjects, mostly about her family life and societal life which we were really curious to know. If aired live on TV, even the popular chat shows would be put to shame; they are just pretence, you might have realised by now but still hooked to it like an addict before that idiot box. The interviewed also posed counter questions to extract from us hard-earned and time-tested information about South India. I think she was also equally curious to know about us, rare tourists from Tamil Nadu.

It was from her that we learnt the first and most useful Manipuri word – 'Thagatchari', meaning 'Thanks'. In turn, she noted down in English V A N A K K A M, the Tamil word equivalent to Namashkar/Namaste. After noting down the spelling in her small writing pad, she tried pronouncing it twice, to our merriment. We explained to her that Vanakkam can be used to wish any person, irrespective of being senior or junior, at any time of the day or night, and both while meeting and departing, same as Namashkar.

Now it was our turn to be laughed at, trying to pronounce Thagatchari correctly. This new knowledge came handy during our Manipur trip, to impress people and get us closer to Manipuris. We are duty bound to convey our deep Thagatchari to Smt Devi for teaching us this beautiful word.

Then the talk naturally turned to where we were from. On hearing 'Chennai, Tamil Nadu', it was with disbelief that she enquired 'All the way from Chennai, just to see Manipur, eh, really?!' She exclaimed in unabated astonishment. We got the same reaction of disbelief from many Manipuris on telling them our place of origin as Chennai, both during our casual chats and deep discussions. Why such mistrust about your own beautiful Manipur with a rich legacy of varied culture and natural beauty? I simply do not understand.

She wrote down her name on our pad, first as T Premalata Devi, but then struck Devi and wrote Leima, her husband's surname. However, I prefer calling her Devi (Goddess). When she announced that she was 'micro financing', I was thunderstruck. A lady from a remote locality of North-East using the English term 'micro financing' so casually!

'Oh, you see, I am a BA Graduate', she coolly replied. 'I am in fact helping small traders and needy people through micro financing, you know', she claimed. 'It is not easy for everyone to get immediate loans from banks for sudden needs and emergencies. (Mallaya could be an EXTRAORDINARY exception.)

If genuine, I take the risk of advancing even up to 10,000 rupees; the maximum clientele is about 100 or so; but it is a tiring job as I have to be on toes every evening for collection purpose. Recovery is flexible, as per the debtors' need and capacity to repay', she revealed her trade secrets. 'Now I am almost done with today's collection', she looked visibly tired.

My wife and Devi exchanged information about each other's family; she had two boys, the elder was waiting for his +12 results, eager to join engineering course in Bengaluru, and the younger was in 7th standard; she showed the photo of the elder in her smartphone where he was clowning like a joker, probably symbolizing that his happy days are over and that he has to put in serious efforts henceforth to secure his Engg degree with flying colours.

Believe me, I don't have a smartphone as I hate the touch screen but ultimately have to learn to use it, not to lag behind the times. Of all the places why Bengaluru, so far off a place? Guwahati and Kolkata are comparatively closer, I pursued the topic. Generally education standard is good in South India; further, we have some known people already studying/living there, she answered. I hope the educational institutions in South strive to further improve their standard without milking the students of other states, particularly those from the remote N-E where learning opportunities are less and who come with high expectations.

Two sons and the elder almost 17 years old, but she looks quite young, how old is she really, around 36? My daughter was whispering in Tamil to us. As a male I can't dare to ask the age of a lady, it would sound atrocious; why don't you ask it yourself? I passed it on to her. 'I am 43 years', she replied coyly, to our surprise.

It was then that we realised that people of Manipur belie their age and look quite young and cheerful. A shade of jealous crept into our hearts! Maybe due to the climatic conditions of Manipur and the pollution-free atmosphere and, above all, without the stress of a big & bad city life!

It was then that she dropped the bombshell, 'Thank God, only two sons, I don't have a daughter'. It took some time for me to recover from the shock. Why do you say so? We three almost asked her in unison. 'Oh, it is very tough for a girl to survive in our society, really tough life! I have had enough and I do not want my daughter to suffer; so I am happy with just sons and no daughter, please', was her plea. We could see the anguish on her face.

We could not understand why such a stand despite leading a decently comfortable life, from what we understood by talking to her. They had a house of their own to live in, land of their own from which they got rice and made powa (flattened rice), and a joint family. Maybe the crux of the issue was the joint family! She pointed to her husband who was playing volleyball to keep fit. Her sister-in-law was temporarily working as a Nurse, she added. Hope she got through the viva and selected for a permanent post.

My wife was wondering why Manipuri women were not wearing mangal sutra or sindhoor. So I egged on (I suppose a vegetarian is not prohibited from using the word egged on) my wife to get it cleared from Smt. Devi. It was from her that we learnt that instead of these two, a dupatta-like cloth worn crossly across the chest indicated a married woman.

Surely, that was an invaluable information for a man, no?

To be continued....