No, we weren't taught

Gracy HK *

Pix - TSE

Don't dress in revealing clothing. Don't go out at night. Cities are not safe, continue your studies at home. This usual advice has been given to us a lot of time to us. Right? Or you might have come across this advice given to your female friend.

The discussion that follows after any rape incident is scarcely on the victims personal how, why. When the news of rape flooded, "Numei chavei hija" (a slut) and more statement on how the society blame the victim. Thanks to the matriarchal system of the Khasis, garo and jantia tribes of Meghalaya. The whole north-eastern states of India has been perceived as unique part of India where women rule the society.

Women in this region are free and are more liberated in compare with the rest of the women in the country. However, suppression of women can be patently visible. Most women fail to recognise the bias attitude embedded in their traditional customary norms and culture and hence they refuse to recognise themselves as prejudices lot. This denial leads to delusional perception among the women as to be submissive towards their male counterpart or even siblings on any issue.

I remember, attending a funeral of a friend's grandmother. It is a tradition to give a speech on behalf of the household. There were few grown-up female sibling who can take that up, instead insist their younger brother to take up the time. It was not a new thing I saw. But this time it was a new reflection, which instantly give the boy a feeling of supremacy over his siblings. These are how masculinity being constructed gradually in the mind of young folks.

Late in the evening, as usual I was scrolling my Facebook feed, I came across a status stating the news of a minor girl being raped and what is more disturbing is that she was raped by her distant relative. A lot of thoughts run in my mind. When girl of her age would geared up to attend school for new session. When she would urge so much to go out and play before the school commence.

Her story goes the otherwise, she has to be bounded home. That's what is to be done when you have been through all this, not because you choose to, but because there is the society at your doorstep who wouldn't stop being grumpy for being in that condition and the other half who just don't stop giving advice to their kids to distance themselves from an unpleasant occurrence and thereby confirm their own invulnerability to the risk.

A lot of advice has been delivered since childhood.

Secure the door when indoor
Avoid unsafe situations
Flee if you are in a potentially dangerous situation
Not to talk to stranger, not to wear short clothes and more can be listed

But there are something we were not taught.

Uncle asked for tongue kiss, Boinu was not taught that she was sexually abused,
Nengboi's Cousin brother took her to the bed, she was not taught she was sexually abused,
Kimmy's neighbour grab her boobs in exchange for a toffee, she was not aware that she has been sexually abused.
Teacher in school checked if Bebem was wearing a panty or not, she was not comfortable but she doesn't speak out until she joined college. She did not realised it was a sexual abuse.

Everyone was silenced, there has been not a single voice but not this time. Kudos to ZMA* team for fighting.

We were not taught how to stay safe at home, how to be safe in the neighbourhood, with the Vengsung ute (elders from the neighbourhood), with the uncle next door, with the school teachers. We weren't taught that whom we consider father can be one. We weren't taught a brother can do this. An uncle likewise. We weren't taught someone you know can rape because they said only stranger rape.

We weren't taught this way.
We have been shushed, quietened.
How long will the hushed be, it's time we voice out. In fact, silence or ignoring is what is expected. However being silence is not going to stop the rapist.

Speak out because it is not your fault.
Speak out because there has been a lot like you,
Speak out because you are not alone.

It was never your fault, Clothes are not a risk factor. Neither your character are. The only risk factor is the presence of a rapist. It's not just attractive able bodied girls who are raped. Pensioners are raped. People in wheelchairs are raped. Women who never leave the house. Women who wear full niqab are raped.

Power to all girls. Speak out.


* A women organisation based in Churachandpur Manipur.