Missing Mounahas : Patriarchal Representation of Women in "Missing" Advertisements

Yenning *

One of the most regular advertisements in the local newspapers of Manipur is, "Mou naha ama mangkhare". Literally it means, "A young housewife had gone missing". Full description of the missing person is given in the advertisement along with the last attires sported by her. Sometimes the advertisement is accompanied by the photograph of the woman. In almost all the cases, the wives have not gone missing for two days!

And almost all the advertisements are put up by the husband of the woman, and inadvertently, he is the contact person. As different from obituaries, there are no laments or elegies or even crooning pleas for the wife to return. Instead, it reads, "If anyone comes across such a woman, kindly inform the below given contact or report to the nearest police station"! Uploader of the advertisement gets pat on his back from his peer group at Andro Parking or any of Kabui Khuls over drinks and sobs. He is the exemplary husband and such are heroic exploits to be remembered and imitated.

Readers often read such advertisements aloud with a snicker to attract the attention of the family members or even his wife, often projecting themselves as the perfect couples who do not have a problem under the sheet or in the kitchen. Or otherwise, estranged husband use it as a weapon of threat against their wives, "Pray your name does not figure in the missing advertisements!", even if she has not disappeared or likely to disappear.

Moreover, such advertisements are regular fodders of gossips in workplaces and leikai cha hotels in the wee hours of the mornings. And even it has become the yardstick for parents and in-laws to measure the moral of their daughters and daughter-in-laws, respectively. Lucky are the parents and in-laws, the names of their daughters and in-laws do not appear in such advertisements. They have successfully brought up their daughters.

Commentators blame the phenomena as an outcome of neo-liberal consumerism. They argue that the inability on the part of the husbands to meet the material demands of the wives in today’s ever increasing consumerist life-style have made them leave their spouses. Take for example, they argue, gone are the days of Fair & Lovely, glycerin or Lake Me in the world of cosmetics. Foreign brands, which are indeed costlier, have invaded. A household is deemed to be incomplete without a washing machine (there need not be electricity), micro-oven or induction oven.

Others blame it on the young age of couples entering into wedlock, low level of educational attainment and earning capacity. They say, kids who are in +2 get married at the wink of an eyelid. Still others blame it on the degrading moral character of the women of today. This they suppose is on account of the dispersal of mobile phone and internet like pollen grains in the spring and for making pregnant the lazy and brazen-faced young house wives with the ideas of eloping with any stud. Women centric groups blame it on the increasing rate of domestic violence against young housewives, say for not bringing enough dowry or the husband having extra marital affairs, and defend the defectors (sic. missing women).

Representation of Women in Advertisement

Perhaps, the commentators are right. The above causal explanations are right on their own merit and depending upon the context in some way or the other. We may as well add sexual dysfunction on the part of husband responsible for the young wife to run away! Our aim, today, is not to comment on why Mou nahas are increasingly running away from the spouses. Rather, we wish to examine the trend-setting representation of women in commercial advertisements as is being witnessed in the case discussed here.

Women groups have for long protested against the representation of women in mass media and cinemas as degrading. Equally, we have come across the tirade against fashion shows and beauty pageants for making women as commercial objects of desire by multinational corporations. Infusion of women-related cosmetics as well as sex toys as a result of India’s structural adjustment programme (neo-liberalism) have attracted ire of women groups.

Closer at home, when women have been asked to dress in customary traditional clothes and refrain from indulging in immoral activities in restaurants or elsewhere or when Ima Sabitri bared her chest to protest against violence against women in the play by his husband Kanhailan, women groups were the most vocal in condemning on the ground of tradition and invasion into the private space of women and choice. Contradictory though in the nature of women activism and perspectives, however, all regard that it is the responsibility of women to uphold the moral chassis of the society.

Yenning cannot fail to fathom why this degraded form of advertisement (missing mounaha) has not attracted the ire of the women groups or make them think that it is the most ugly and inhuman act of patriarchal representation of women. This perspective needs to be understood, at the simplest level, by underscoring the fact that none of the advertisement had a follow-up to clear the name of woman such advertised and sullied. Our patriarchal society regards a woman who has been away from the spouse’s house overnight without informing the husband or in-law’s family as a woman of loose character - a whore. A name so sullied, if she has not committed any act of transgression needs to be cleared. But this is not the case.

Iwa Naha Ama Mangkhare

At the deeper level, the circulation of patriarchal norms, values and practices becomes bare when we collate the fact that so far, we have never come across advertisement that reads like, "Iwa Naha Ama Mangkhare" (Young Husband Has Gone Missing) put up by the wife, when her husband has taken absence without leave and even if she knows that her husband is cheating on her. Or is it the case of Manipuri man being chaste, who abstains from unlawful sexual intercourse and never leaves his wife. It is something like when a man sleeps with many women, he is called a stud. But when woman does the same, she is called a whore. This is something our society accepts and here lies the problem.

It is worth asking, why a woman refrains from putting up the advertisement? Is it fear of total abandonment (even as a second wife)? Regard for her own name and the associated ridicules and sneers she's bent to invite from her peers? Or is it succumbing to patriarchal practice? This is something woman groups need to thrash out considering the fact that the missing woman often elopes with a married man.

On the other hand, we have come across advertisement such as, "Nipa Naha Ama Mangkhare" (a young man has disappeared or gone missing). If at all such advertisement occurs, then it is being read as missing case related to abduction, run away to join an armed opposition group or murder, etc. There is nothing ugly or nasty about the advertisement. Mindset of the people of our land is such that it is not considered to be a taboo. It is never related with the immoral character of the husband. The missing person is not to be blamed but the conflict situation is the causal factor. Moral victory in both the cases lies with man.

Media: Medium of Personal Malignment and Slanderous Defamation ?

Onus of protecting the dignity of woman and womanhood equally lies with the media. Money should not be the sole factor to put up any advertisement of news item. The very reason for an advertisement to declare the missing of a young married woman is to malign and defame the woman. This is an obvious fact. The husband or his family has abandoned her at the public sphere. Even if the advertiser had come with an FIR (you know how easy it is to buy one) or with an affidavit, kindly advise the informer to be patient for a few more days, or wait until the police have come up with a reasonable explanation.

Imagine, we all have gone through the long period of patience when we attempted to win the hands of our beloved. This can not only save a family but also the name of the woman. We also strongly suggest to women groups to be impartial, and see the phenomena of the missing mounaha advertised as an act of transgression against the private sphere of woman. Finally, the onus of saving a family lies in both the hands of the husband and wife as well as the society (including family and media) surrounding them.

Happy Ningol Chakouba!