Gossiping : Safety valve of social pressure

Dr T Deepamanjuri Devi *

Nobody can say when did humans start this pastime called ‘gossiping’, but it is certain that the human species has always used gossip to navigate the social world. Sharing information about others is a ‘hygienic way of building bonds, trusts and co-operation among fellow humans. However, we also know that there are gossips that have the potential to harm others and that they can also be used for good motives.

Psychologists say that gossiping can actually be beneficial to society and is one of the social skills that humans have inherited from their forefathers as a means to release social pressure and personal tensions and stress.

Should we say that it is a human pastime, community pastime or National pastime? It may be relevant in any situation one is located. Just a hearty laugh and a furious grunt at somebody’s doing lets a person release his pent-up emotions. A certain person may feel his profound happiness and satisfaction at the ill fate of his adversary and may express the same with an utter jeering.

If gossiping is so common and mundane in any society, it may have its own remedial power for a problem, be it family problem or psychological problem. Then is there any correlation between the positive sides of gossiping and prevention of such a serious issue as suicide? Now let me take you through the ‘suicidal’ lanes to at least educate ourselves of the malady.

Recently, India has witnessed an increasing rate of suicides among various sections of people. Psychiatrists claim that suicide is the ‘largest public health crisis facing India’ at present, and it is the ‘leading cause of death’ among youths. NCRB (National Crime Records Bureau) reports that 2.71 lakh people committed suicide in 2022 in India.

The suicide rate has increased to 12.4 per 1,00,000 population, ‘the highest rate ever recorded in India’, according to NDTV. Experts say depression leads to such acts of self destruction.

When I read such alarming reports of suicides in India, and the recent cases of suicides among the inmates of reliefs camps, I was moved to talk about the issue here. In fact, the topic has been one of the concerns for Sociologists since the time when Emile Durkheim wrote about it in 1897.

Durkheim’s “Suicide” was a brilliant piece of Sociological work that has proved that there can be an objective science of society and that such incidents as suicides can be objectively and scientifically analyzed as well.

Previously thought to be just cases of individual acts resulting from psychological problems, Durkheim claimed that while the ‘act of suicide’ is an individual phenomenon, ‘the rate of suicide’ is very much a ‘social fact’ which can be studied using sociological methods of analysis.

He rejected the popular explanations of suicides available at his time one by one and came to the conclusion that ultimately it was ‘social integration’ along with social control that played the leading role in deciding the fate of individuals - even in the case of suicide as well. He talked about‘egoistic’,‘anomic’ and ‘altruistic’ suicides and claimed that these forms of self destruction were found to be related to social control.

In anomic suicide, the individual has become detached from social institutions. In egoistic suicide, society itself has left the individual the resolution of his personal affairs to him as a voluntary matter. In the third type of suicide, the controls of the society has been so ordered as to encourage and virtually dictate the individual’s action.

In some traditional and ‘primitive’ societies, like the Tikopia islanders, suicide is not taken as a crime. In fact, among the feudal Japanese Samurai class, ‘seppuku’ or the act of taking one’s own life was considered an honourable act which consists of stabbing oneself in the abdomen with a short sword to ensure a slow and agonizing death.

While some cases of suicides can be regarded as ‘normal’, it becomes alarming when the ‘rate’ increases. This is exactly the case in contemporary times. Every society is said to be witnessing an increasing number of self destructive acts.

Unlike the above-mentioned societies, like the Tikopias or the Japanese, the act of self-killing was never a celebrated behaviour or a socially acceptable act among the Meiteis. Deaths resulting from such acts were regarded as ‘abnormal deaths’ that need special rituals to deal with them so that no such incidents happen in the family again. In spite of such social taboos against self-killing, we also notice that an increasing number of individuals are reported to commit such acts here in Manipur as well.

While concrete data are yet to be confirmed, such acts of suicide are generally found to be committed among the ‘males’ and the ‘youths’. It is no denying of the fact that girls also are found committing the act of suicide. But regarding the ‘trends’, similar to most countries around the world, suicide rates are reported as generally higher among males compared to females in India as well.

What is ‘protecting’ females from committing such acts which is denied to male population in general? Is there some shield against this dreadful incursion? It suddenly comes into mind some of the behaviors of humans which are generally associated with the female gender. Then that behavior might be the pastime of ‘gossiping’.

The female population is generally ‘blamed’ for being ‘gossipy and for engaging most of the time in ‘useless’ talks of the neighbourhood. Now that such acts are found to be actually beneficial for human bonding, we can safely claim that the females of the population are under the protective umbrella of such informal means of emotional sharing and bonding as ‘gossiping’.

T.C. Hudson, in his book “The Meitheis” reported that women in the market while away their time ‘gossiping’ since there was no hectic exchange of goods in the market at that time. We can also notice that the women's markets are places where gossips are exchanged and rumours are easily passed on from one ear to the next in the fastest possible way even without the use of mobile phones or the internet.

While such acts of ‘gossiping’ are demeaned as done by ‘useless fellows’ and are especially associated with women and children (nupi angangi wa), the male populations are generally burdened with ‘seriousness’.

Now that Psychologists have found that ‘gossiping’ is actually a healthy valve of releasing tensions and stressful pressures, we can safely claim that the females of the population are actually having the social privilege of engaging in such ‘beneficial’ acts of gossiping that somehow is protecting them from committing such self-destructive acts like suicides. It will be interesting to do studies to find out whether there actually is a co-relation between gender, ‘gossiping’ and suicide in the society.

Meanwhile, we can see that women generally bond easily with one another. When we go to the women’s market, we can see that those who come to buy things can share anything under the sun with the women who are selling things in the market. I have noticed this in the ‘ema market’ of Manipur. Even though you don’t know the women personally, the elderly women are addressed as ‘ema’ or mother.

The fictitious term perhaps provides a room for emotional bonding. I saw many customers in the ‘ema market’ who also share their personal woes and worries - relationship troubles and family problems without any hindrances. A young would be bride was seen taking advice from the ‘ema’ from whom she had been buying clothes for her marriage, while a middle aged woman was narrating how ‘bad’ is her ‘daughter-in-law’.

The ‘emas’ also shared their experiences and a bonding was developed among otherwise complete strangers. This kind of sudden bonding between strangers is something unique here. It is very common among women travelling in auto-rickshaws, and women buying and selling things in the ‘ema’ market to exchange very personal and sometimes intimate information with one another in the short time of their travelling together or in the market.

An outside observer may find it strange that you are sharing everything with a stranger, but for an ‘insider’, it is just a part of the ‘normal’ behaviour in this part of the world.

Many studies have now found that ‘gossiping’ plays an important role in our society. Literature available on the theme claims that ’gossiping’ performs three main functions -

(1) information dissemination;
(2) group protection/social control;
(3) social bonding.

Besides the main three functions of gossip, researchers also found evidence of others as well. It can be entertaining, and also emotional venting, although it can also be superficial, malicious and emotionally driven. But to stay grounded and connected, we need social support and most of all ‘talking to others’ to lessen one’s mental burden, so that the worst case of suicide may also be averted.

So men also need to share their experiences with others, maybe in the form of gossips also, like the women counterparts are doing, so that they may not be building and again destroying imaginary castles in the biting precincts of loneliness.

Enjoy the ride girls - because society permits you! Boys may also sneak in to enjoy the ride.