Positive attitude and personality - Key to success
- Part 2 -

L Wolring *

(10). Give honesty and sincere appreciation:Give honest and sincere appreciation. William James said, "One of the deepest desire of human beings is the desire to be appreciated. The feeling of being unwanted is hurtful." Sincere appreciation is one of the greatest gifts one can give to another person. It makes a person feel important. The desire to feel important is one of the greatest cravings in most human beings. It can be great motivator. "The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of being unwanted." – Mother Teresa.

(11). Accept mistakes and move on: Some people live and learn while others live and never learn. Mistakes are to be learned from. When we realize our mistakes, it is a good idea to accept responsibility for it and apologize as acceptance disarms the other person. "When I am wrong, make me easy to change; and when I am right, make me easy to live with." This is a good philosophy to live by.

(12). Discuss but avoid argument: An argument is one thing that you will never win. If you win, you lose; if you lose, you lose a good job, customer, friend and marriage. The more arguments you win, the fewer friends you have. The best way to win argument is to avoid it. In order to discuss some topics, let the other person state his side of the case without interruption. We should not try to prove him wrong on every point. Never let him to drag us to his level but treat him with courtesy and respect that will confuse him. "I learned a long time ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty and besides, the pig likes it." – Cyrus Ching.

(13). Avoid gossip: Gossiping and lyig are closely related. A gossip listen in haste and repeats at leisure. A gossip is more concerned about what he overhears than what he hears, It has no respect for justice. Gossip can lead to slander and defamation of character. It breaks heart, ruins lives and careers, wreck marriages and causes heart aches and sleepless nights. A gossip usually gets caught in his own mouth trap. People who gossip with you will also gossip about you in your absence. It is better to refrain from indulging in gossip.

(14). Turn promises into commitments: A promise is a statement of intent. A commitment is a promise that is going to be kept no matter what. Commitment comes out of character and leads to conviction. Commitment does not take away freedom; it actually gives more freedom because it provides a sense of security. Commitment leads to enduring relationships through thick and thin.

(15). Be dependable and practice loyalty: It is an old tradition saying, "An ounce of loyalty is worth more than a pound of cleverness." It is universal and eternal proverb. Good relationships are very hard to find and it shall be matured once it is developed. We cannot dream and enjoy a good life at the expense of others. We need to make personal sacrifices for our family and friends, those we care about and who depend on us.

(16). Be grateful but never expect gratitude: Gratitude is a feeling which improves our personality and builds character. It is a feeling of thakfulness towards others. It is conveyed through our behavior. Gratitude teaches us the art of cooperation and understanding. With gratitude and humility, right actions come naturally and a gracious attitude changes our outlook in life.

Think back and try to recall the people who had a positive influence on your life. Remember anyone who spent extra time to help you because they willingly sacrificed their time, effort, money and many other things for you. They did out of love and not for your thankfulness. Christ healed ten lepers and when he turned back they were all gone except one who had the courtesy to thank him. Christ said, "I didn't do a thing." Like Christ we should not expect gratitude.

(17). Avoid bearing grudges: We all heard about the phrases, "I can forgive but I can't forget", when a person refuses to forgive, he is locking the doors that someday he might need to open, We are hurting ourselves most when we hold grudges and harbour resentments. "Forgive the other person but don't forget their name." – John Kennedy.

(18). Practice honesty, integrity and sincerity: Honesty means to be genuine and real. It inspires openness, reliability and frankness. Honesty requires firmness and commitment. It shows respect for one's self and others. It is important to build or develop a reputation of being trustworthy. When a kind of relationship developed at home, at work or socially, it is integrity. When we continue to cheat or deceive people while dealing or giving unfair value for the wages or money, we lie so much that we no longer know what is the truth.

We know that we didn't work sincerely but deceived ourselves. When we tell lies, we lose credibility. Once we have lost credibility, even when we tell the truth, no one believes us. The quality of a good character is honesty and sincerity. "Make yourself an honest man and then you may be sure there is one rascal less in the world." – Thomas Carlyle.

(19). Practice humility: We understand that humility is the foundation of all virtues and a sign of greatness. Confidence without humility is arrogance. Success and humility go hand in hand. Simplicity and humility are the two hallmarks of greatness.

(20). Be understanding and caring: We know that in relationships, we all make mistakes and sometimes we are insensitive to the needs of others, especially those who are very close to us. This leads to disappointment and resentment. The answer to handling disappointment is understanding. The basis of real communication is to understand. A caring attitude out of understanding and love is to build a good will, which is the best kind of insurance that a person can have without any cost.

(21). Practice courtesy: Courtesy is an off shoot of deep moral behavior, which costs nothing but pays well. It is a consideration for others. It is the little things that make a big difference. It requires humility as courtesy means practicing good manners. No one is too big or too busy to practice courtesy. It means giving your seat to the elderly or to the disabled. A courteous person who is not very sharp, will go further in life than a discourteous but sharp person.

(22). Develop a sense of humor: A sense of humor makes a person likable and attractive. We will be able to learn and possess the ability to laugh at ourselves if we have a sense of humor because it is the safest humor. Dr. Norman Cousins said, "Positive emotions, like happiness and laughter, would bring positive chemicals into our system and cured ourselves by laughing".

(23). Don't be sarcastic and put others down: We all need to understand that negative humor may include sarcasm, put - downs and hurtful remarks. Any humor involving sarcasm that makes fun of others will be bitter taste. An injury is forgiven more easily than an insult. Hurting others' feelings is like putting others down.

(24). To have a friend, be a friend: Experience is the best teacher and it has shown that there is no perfect person, no perfect job and no perfect spouse. Most of us forget that we have to be the right person too when we keep looking for the right employer, the right employee, right spouse, parent, child and so on. When we look for perfection, we are disappointed because all we find is that we traded one set of problems for another set of problems. Building friendships and relationships takes sacrifice, loyalty and maturity. Mutual trust and confidence are the foundation stone of all friendship.Friendships can be categorized as follows:

(a). Friendship for pleasure – pleasure goes, friendship goes. (b). Friendship for convenience – This is where people make friends to gain something and are not lasting.

There are three kinds of friendship for convenience namely, (i) Proximity – It is convenient to socialize or togetherness because of neighborhood proximity goes friendship goes. (ii) Usefulness – He is financially well and of high position, build and maintain relationship, he could be useful someday. Usefulness goes, friendship goes. (iii) Common enemy – My enemy's enemy is my friend. Common enemy goes, friendship goes. (c). True friendship – is built on mutual respect. These are people who have the good of each other at heart and act accordingly. It is based on character and commitment. The people who are true friends in the real sense help one another but these are not favours. This last forever.

(25). Show empathy: Empathy means an ability to imagine and share another person's feelings and experiences. It is very important characteristics of a positive personality. People with empathy ask themselves this question, "How would I feel is someone treated me that way?" There is a difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is, "I understand how you feel." Empathy is, "I feel how u feel." Both sympathy and empathy are important but of the two, empathy is certainly more important.

(26). Be a punctual person: Be a punctual person. Punctuality is happening or doing at the agreed or proper time. It plays a vital role in accomplishing the work or task on time. If we are not punctual, there is possibility of missing everything. We would lose the battle if we miss the instructions of our commander. We would miss the flight if we delayed. We would miss the meeting or conference and get humiliation. We would fail in the examination because we didn't prepare on time. It is best to be punctual for a lifetime of success.

Concluded....