My Favourite Fears
- Deep from the Soul -
K. Radhakumar *
I have always wanted a home,
A home with a beautiful wife and children.
I seem to have one now.
A real home!
Sometimes, I do not really know.
There is a world of difference
Between my wife and I
Between my children and I;
And I am also a stranger to myself at times.
The tragedy is
My tragedy is – other people.
I drive straight home after work
For office block is not home from home
And I do not want to be away from home
For too long –
Office hours is a long time.
I prefer to stay in my home in the evening
Glancing through the newspaper
And the news magazine on TV.
Then comes the ache in my heart!
I like to cry
Home sweet home.
As always, the evening blues engulfs me
And I feel I must fly.
Or I drown my sorrows in drink.
Here I am
Where time has stood still.
A modern-day Tantalus!
Always thirsty, always hungry.
Oh, if I could have a drink of water!
Oh, if I could take a couple of bites of the apple!
The forbidden fruit!
I am chasing my own shadow
Which is cast neither here nor there.
What a fun!
The more I chase it
The more it moves into the realms of fantasy.
It appears my birth
My marriage my death
My concern as a father for my children
And my poetry, if I may say so
Do not figure in the overall scheme of things.
Past and present are poles apart –
That I am here at the moment is
A sort of historical mistake
With no specific incident
Or turn of events responsible
For the collective nothingness
The darkness and void created by my presence here.
* Poem written by K. Radhakumar which was published at Hueiyen Lanpao (English Edition)
This poem was webcasted on December 15, 2013.
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