Helping children cope and become resilient during the pandemic

Priyanka Konsam *

The second wave of Covid-19 has hit the Nation and our State very hard. There have been countless lives lost and many who suffered from the disease including children. What was different in the second wave was the severity. Also, it came after a lull, where life had almost come back to normal. And it seemed to hit closer home this time. In Manipur the number of deaths in the second wave have been much more than in the first wave.

Many children might have lost their parents, grandparents, uncles and some children lost their lives this year. Add to that, children have been exposed to the news of deaths every day, and the fear instilled by the news of the severity this time round. Further, the lockdown has been more stringent keeping the children confined to their homes.

The fact that the pandemic is affecting the mental health of children and adolescents has been documented in few research studies done in the first wave. Some of the impact on children as reported by these studies were increased irritability, inattention, clinging behaviour, uncertainty, fearful and feeling isolated. Moreover, disturbed sleep, poor appetite and separation anxiety was also reported in these studies.

Another finding in the studies was during this confinement, children’s use of the internet had increased, use of social media had increased and this may predispose them to using the internet compulsively (Singh. S et al, 2020) This time round the situation being aggravated in severity, there have been reports of more and more children and adolescents being referred to psychiatrists and psychologists throughout the country.

We are now in the third month of the second wave, and while there are already talks of the possibility of a third wave, here are some things to keep in mind during the pandemic and lockdown to help support our children (in this article, children refers to mainly school going age group but few strategies can be applied with younger age group too) in coping with the pandemic in the days to come.

Keep them informed without instilling fear

o Talk to your child if he/she can understand and in an age appropriate manner about the Covid-19. Why there is the lockdown and what precautions to take, like hand hygiene etc.

o By now, majority of school going children know about Covid-19, hence this time round, you may be open to any sort of questions they have, when talking to them emphasise how to stay safe without instilling fear. You can do so, by telling them that following the precautions will protect them and near and dear ones. Set an example by following the precautions yourself.

o Try to be calm around adverse news. These days we are glued to our channels following the news, or social media about incidents around the country. It would be advisable to remain calm and instead, help your child process whatever is happening (if they are in the age where you can have a conversation) Of course, you cannot and need not explain all the details of any incident to the child, but if he/she has questions address them in a positive way. Tell them that people are recovering with the efforts of doctors.

Maintain a routine and engage in constructive activities

o Children are sensitive and perceptive to their parents and elders around them. Maintaining a routine yourself will give some structure to the child. Similarly, try to subtly create a routine for your child too. It may not be essential to make a time table to follow (unless your child prefers that) but generally, structure the day in such a way that the child feels there is a sense of order to his day.

Include time for self-study too in their day apart from their online classes. Include other activities of interest to the child or something that you and your child can do together.

o Hand hold them, rather than being directive. Together, you can arrive at a plan or routine to follow. Set small weekly academic goals. If they wish to include other activities, plan with them how to manage time or ask them to develop a plan and share it with you.

o Take out some time to spend with your child. There are a number of activities you can initiate with your child during these times. In fact, what better time than now to get to know your child and his/her interests?

There are many fun art based activities that one can find online. Art, story telling, dance, collage making, music, games are some of the areas you can explore with your child. These may be centered around their feelings these days, their interests etc. For example: tell them to choose a colour that reflects their feeling and to write or draw whatever they feel that day.

o This would be a good time to explore concepts of science and experiments in a practical way at home. Get involved in these too.

o Leave them free. Yes, give them the opportunity, rather the need to find something to do other than playing on the mobile in their free time. Let them find creative ways to pass time. They may want to learn a new skill, support them in whatever way you can within your means and as far as the lockdown permits.

o Be aware of the amount of time they spend online and also how they spend their time online. Monitoring their screen time (mobile and TV) will be necessary. It shouldn’t be taking up maximum of their time.

Observe and address emotional and behavioural cues

o Be aware of any changes in behaviour, moods, sleep and appetite. Note any changes and also frequency of the changed behaviour or mood. If you find changes in the behaviour which were not present before and is affecting your child’s functioning, or if previous challenging behaviours are pronounced then do get in touch with a mental health practitioner.

o Emotional cues may include frequent changes in mood, sadness, irritability or getting angry more than usual, expressing anxiety or concern about the future, their school, their lives, frequent emotional outbursts or meltdowns etc. Behavioural cues may include, increased/decreased appetite/sleep, lack of interest in daily activities or interests, increased amount of time spent on mobile, inability to concentrate, remaining aloof etc.

o If you notice such cues, provide the space for them to share her/his thoughts by acknowledging why they could be feeling that way and that they could share any worries, provide assurance along with facts, be patient and listen to their concerns if they share. Assure them that this will come to an end sooner or later, till then we all have to maintain safety and hygiene protocols. And don’t forget to appreciate their efforts, acknowledge the fact that they are coping with this lockdown too.

o If the changes are minor, and not affecting your child’s functioning, or harming themselves or others then there is no need to focus too much attention on those behaviours. Instead, take note and observe for any long term changes.

o Address their concerns about their future, exams, lack of social interaction, decline in activities etc. They may also fear losing near and dear ones to the pandemic, address this sensitively. You could tell them that everyone is trying their best to stay safe, and even if they fall sick, the chances of recovery are much higher than losing the battle to Covid and that the doctors are trying their best to save those who are suffering from it.

o They may also be worried about when they can get out of the house and do all the things they did before the pandemic. Assure them that there will be a day, but till then we have to take care of our health.

o Allow them to connect with their friends and schoolmates, online or on the phone, once in a while. Peer group plays an important role in coping.

Lastly, but one of the most important things is your own well-being. Being a parent, you want to do everything possible for your child. Sometimes, ignoring your own health, and in this case your mental health.

The fact is, you need to take care of yourself first. Like how they say in airplanes, to put on your oxygen mask first before putting it on your child or someone else. Children as mentioned before are very perceptive to parents’ energies, both positive and negative.

They are affected by your emotional state, your health, the way you carry yourself. Hence, it is important that you yourself are aware of your state of mind in these times and take care of your mental well-being too.

As parents, caregivers, children we are all in this situation together. And there is a need to take care of your mental health and that of near and dear ones during these times apart from physical health etc. One really doesn’t know when this will come to an end, and this is one reason why we need to support our children today, and make them more resilient to face whatever the future days hold.

The points mentioned here will help children cope better with the changes brought about by the pandemic. Let’s support each other through this and believe that we will see the light of day. I believe we will come out stronger and more connected with each other and with nature.

Stay Home Stay Safe!