Comment Taibangamba Meetei Soubam

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Worsening morale of Manipuri students studying outside the state
Comment on "Status of Manipuris in Delhi"

By: Taibangamba Meetei Soubam *

Nine years in Delhi was quite enough time for me to understand Delhi (or mainland India as a whole),their people and the perception towards the north easterners.

I would say (approximate) around few years ago, Manipur was a place/state most people never heard of, but thanks to the violence back home and the manipuris living outside the state, many people now have come to know of our state. The only vocabularies they knew were "chinky or nepali"-something we feel really allergic.

However,thanks to every patriot's effort, unrest at home and for all non resident manipuris, it seems we have come out out successfully from chinky or nepali tag and got the name we badly wanted us to be addressed but now rather with a 'different perception'. Wondering why? Because calling yourself a proud Manipuri sometimes disgraces you in their mind. Still wondered?

Last time, I went searching for room for my niece and nephew in Delhi. Some landlords were nice & some were rude but the end results were all the same. They asked - where were we from? Being patriotic & eager to make our state "recognized", I said - Manipur. Sorry /No were the readymade answers from almost everyone.

Reason as found out - Manipuris were not welcomed. Why? Because we make lots of unnecessary noises ( partying/drinking/dancing so on) and of course they don't like 'live-in' relationship -which is a taboo in any communities in India .

Fashions & designs are meant for different occasions with the rightful purposes. Has anyone dictated that a Manipuri girl should wear this & should not wear that outside the state? Never, because everyone knows dressing/clothing is to be in accordance with the existing climatic conditions, cultures( not to forget one's origin). Let's analyze one thing here(though this has been talked about many a times).

I believe most Manipuri girls with the exception of sportswomen/sports girls do not wear shorts and tight fitted clothing( some call it 'skimpy') back home in Manipur and so as the Mayangs do not also in their land. But once outside the state, most Manipuri girls jump on to these wardrobes.

Now where do we find the justification that our sisters' act is right?

First of all, mainly due to these clothing, the narrow & dirty minded Mayangs perceive them as easy prey to their illegitimate sexual needs, loose characters & easily available for anything( I will relate this in the later paras). Moreover, this way of clothing is completely contrary and not acceptable in their society.

The point is that we are doing something which we don't even do at our own homes and are undeniably completely against the cultural norms of the Mayang society while still in their domain. This act not only disregards both the societies( our own & Mayangs') but also enables the dirty minded Mayangs to take undue advantage against our sisters.

So, is it not high time for our sisters to take a bit more care on their dressing, discarding those unacceptable clothings? Or should we argue that imitation or copy of good things or developed cultures( here western dressing) should be encouraged?

Even so, I still won't say that we are mentally prepared for that. However I would certainly not criticize any Manipuri girl wearing a short or bikini in the parts of the world where it is accepted.

One contributor wrote " yet again, the woman being targeted to lift the ruining face of the society" sounding emotional and biased. However, wise men say "those who criticize you are your best friends". It's crystal clear that we care you and so we want your safety.

As we know that every right comes with a responsibility and that's why every woman has also the responsibility of uplifting the ruining society of Manipur. History shows how much have Manipuri women been responsible for the society and so accordingly they have a distinct status and name among other communities of the world. By lamenting the above statement, I am afraid you are trying to escape from the responsibilities, yet asking for more rights.

However, by saying so I do not want to conceal how deterioting the morale of our men and boys. Usually the news/incidents regarding a girl/woman always make bigger highlights especially when it comes to sexuality. Has anyone ever heard of rape of boy/man by an individual from the fairer sex?

Very rarely.

But do you certainly think every rape is caused by men only? I don't think so. Thus even though there are so many crimes and unhealthy things that our boys do create, these are not widely publicized or highlighted compared to those of their fairer sex counterparts.

So, while our sisters sound to make more noises & create so many bad images to our society, the responsibilities & stupid things(creations) of the gallant Manipuri boys are never less and should not be overlooked. If we look minutely and compare, the damages done by the male counterparts are much higher.

Here I like to congratulate one contributor- Miss Eshanou for pointing out the bad & corrupted behaviors of Manipuri men. Mr. Robindro and Dr. Jayanta also rightly pointed out some interesting facts.

For an average three years course, many students take five or six years and sometimes they even fail to complete the course in the whole of their life. This is a very common case. Those are the students who reasonably fared good scores back home, coming out of the state shouldering high hopes of the parents & families, at the same time eating out their skeletons (wealth). Here one easily noticeable thing is that the girls are better in studies and so they pass out faster & better. On the contrary the boys happen to be the main culprits.

Drinking, drugs & partying- the list goes on.

But what are these supposed to do with studies? I don't see any valid reason fro students to indulge in these unwanted practices. Some say it's just for occasionally. Others say it is just to maintain party decorum. They won't have a rational explanation.

'Occasionally' becomes 'frequently' and finally to "addiction". I would say only the cowards drink to maintain party manners. Party manners are not meant only for drunkards. Whatever, nobody has a say in their rights. But do we have a right/permission to waste our parents' wealth in unwanted things?

Not only this destroys your health, eats out families' hard earned money but also gives a bad image to our society. It's common that respectable Mayang landlords asking if our students come their land for drinking/partying instead of studies. What will you say to them?

Freedom is for everyone. "Eshagi eralna chabani" and nobody has a right to comment on that but is it justified to eat out our parents' hard earned money while giving a slap(bad image) to them? In fact you are destroying yourself as a student and as a person as well. Time to think.

Mr. Robindro rightly pointed out that 'affairs with mayangs' is not for a prospective end result- a meaningful marriage; rather for time passing & enjoyment. These Mayang boys enjoy these relationships not only with our sisters but with the girls of their own or from other communities.

But the alarming fact is that they perceive our girls as cheaply available and can be their easy prey. Again due to our sisters' ignorance of the Mayang cultures and the stupidity for being too innocent in us, our sisters simply take them as worthy lovers which ultimately results in getting one or two of these girls married to every 100 relationships.

Somebody proudly remarked that some of these girls who had non Manipuri boyfriends, lost their...could still excel academically, professionally and so on. But the most alarming thing here is - who will stop these Mayangs from spreading messages that our girls are available for anything and easy to be thrown out. Can those professionally successful girls find out a remedy to the damage they already had done to the whole of our community?

Falling in love is common in our society and so as its acceptance- leading to successful marriages. But since it is not accepted and encouraged in their society, boys wanting to be good hunters in these affairs come for easy and innocent communities like ours.

As somebody already pointed out that - one who had a relationship with our sister(s) will only spread the news to others and it will only keep multiplying thereby destroying the image of the whole community. I hope many Manipuri men might have come into so embarrassing situations regarding this problem.

My dear sisters of Manipur! What would you like me to answer to a Mayang colleague or friend when he asks "give me/can you arrange a Manipuri girl"??** Remember this is just one such example.

Loving somebody is pure, sexual growth is natural but disrespect of the society/community is never acceptable. Again human feelings are pure & free; love relationships are understandable, but doing dirty things in public is certainly illicit. You call someone a thief only when he is caught.

Blaming the so called gallant Manipuri men is right and understandable. When he himself is a drunkard, why not allowing his wife? When he wants to marry a virgin girl, why he goes to brothel? However, this is something we should work together.

But instead of participating, going around looking for better options or safer security with Mayangs in their land will not do anything better. I am afraid if the so called highly praised- Meetei nupigee thouna is beginning to dwindle( with due respect to Irom Chanu Sharmila). Every woman has to learn that if she wants to have equal (or more) rights with the male counterparts, she also needs to shoulder equal (or more) responsibilities.

As pointed out by some powerful contributors, there is a great resemblance between - relationship of Mayangs & our sisters on the one hand, and the relationship of dominant meetei men with the "chingmi" sisters on the other hand. Undeniably, the Mayangs think that our sisters are cheaply available and at the same time some of our sisters fancy Mayangs' wealth/status.

Likewise, the meetei gallant males perceive "chingmi" sisters are as so and they abuse them. However, there is a saying -"khubak nammna khuba houdabani". Both the parties have to take the blame. One for cheating and the other(girls) for being too innocent or stupidity. However, those writers seem to ignore the fact that our sisters have also to take the blame.

My suggestion to counter this problem is to get total understanding or awareness of the person and his culture. And to take utmost precautions, be alert against these sexual beasts; at the same time reminding ourselves that each of us represents our beloved motherland which needs positive recognitions rather than destroying her image.

After having said all these, there are still so many positive aspects and developments on the other side also. It's heartening to be praised by most faculties of universities like D.U. that Manipuri students are intelligent and Manipuri girls are smart. It is not unusual that hardworking Manipuri students top colleges or universities bringing laurels to the state.

It's like "cheng chagring amana phou shangbai manghalli". Though a lot has been damaged, it's nothing like we don't have a remedy at all. However, a collective effort is required to uplift the so called - ruining society of Manipur. While parents of the students are equally responsible, the efforts of the students body or counseling centres will be very helpful(already pointed out).

But more than anything the respect of self, own's parents & society will do all the good. While personal freedom, one's privacy and choices should be respected, he should also make sure that this desire & liberty do not break the norms of the society where he belongs.

Lastly, although all the contributors deserve some appreciations, Mr. Robindro stands out amongst all for bringing out this topic(though he sounds a bit too authorative). My sincere thanks, however, goes to Miss Eshanou for being bold & courageous enough to speak out against all odds letting us know what women exactly think of their men.

Finally may I suggest that whoever coming up with a new opinion to be not too authoritative or not to point finger to somebody like an enemy so that we can have a smooth and fair discussion .

** if somebody asks the same question, I normally counter them rather calmly that I can give them Mayang girls ( of any community) but not manipuris. I think this is pretty effective and everybody can try it out.

Any further discussion and correction on this article will be most welcome.

Taibangamba Meetei Soubam, from UAE, wrote this article to e-pao.net
You can contact this writer at [email protected]
This article was webcasted on October 09, 2006.

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