Let's drop all moralistic pretences aside and talk openly about some real issues of premarital sex that affect the Manipuri society. For a change, let's wash the dirty linen in the public for all to see and ponder on the issues of underage sex and social conditions that abet it. The realities may be ugly, but it will be counterproductive to sweep them under the carpet just because they are unpalatable to our value system based on our social conditioning. Let this be a frank discussion on how sex outside marriage impacts our cultural, moral, social relationships and individual rights.

Well, it is useless denying the fact that premarital-sex is a part of our youth culture in its present form shaped in part by the so-called MTV influence. Doing so (pretending ignorance) will only amount to ostrich-burying-its-head reaction in the face of unpleasant circumstances.

In fact, our society could be an ideal haven for peeping Toms in search of voyeuristic delights. Believe me I am not overreacting. A casual visit to any restaurant with "cabins" will not fail to bring to light (but then restaurants are almost always dark nowadays) sexual encounters of the kind you have till now only imagined to see in R rated American movies.

What made these orgies possible are the creative and highly enterprising restaurant owners who go out of their way to provide add-on facilities to attract customers. Some of these restaurants have installed high-tech customized equipments to increase or decrease the luminosity of the bulbs whenever activists from students' organizations or police come calling without invitation. And what is interesting is that almost every time restaurateurs get away with it and have the last laugh.

What worries me is not the very act which goes on inside the dimly lit cabins, presumably between two lovers. What sends chill down my spine are the lies, subterfuge and tricks that led to such supposedly romantic activities. And my belief that human rights might have been violated daily inside the restaurants -right in front of our nose- quite makes me disturbed, if not distraught.

Here are the reasons for my deep anguish.

Maybe 9 out of 10 sexual trysts in restaurants are not acts of mutual intimacy by two consenting lovers but rather a forcible act bullied into indulging by the male partner. The boy's love for the girl may be beyond doubt and vice versa, but that should be no sufficient reason for the boy to arrogate to himself the right to turn the relationship into one of sexual nature without the girl's willingness.

On the contrary, what we find is brazen lasciviousness in the garb of love on the part of boys that is forcing innocent girls into abyss of immorality. Beyond moral outrage, what is at stake are the rights of the girls. If anything, what the boys in the restaurants do is sheer blackmail.

"You don't love me if you don't agree to have sex with me" kind of argument is intimidating the girls into doing the unspeakable things. This is neither intimacy nor emotional bonding; this is plain violation of the girls' modesty and emotional goondaism. You may say all is fair in war and love, but that is true only when both the partners are satisfied that no one in the relationship is being pushed around.

I am not against the lovers and what they do in their private moments is none of my business. But when it affects the dignity and rights of half the members of our society possibly including your sisters and mine too, it is only natural that we should go to the bottom of it and search for remedies.

And also the impacts the restaurant culture has on our youth are anything but encouraging. Horror stories of teenagers stealing from their own parents, lying about their tuition fees to sustain regular dates in (yes, dimly lit!) restaurants and their obsessive interest in matters of opposite sex have become increasingly commonplace. Add to this the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases and the result is a deadly cocktail of moral decadence and serious health concerns.

Peer pressure also plays a great role in patronizing the restaurant culture. "How many girls have you kissed?", "Have you tried French kiss?", "My girlfriend is sexier than yours", etc. are staple of casual conversation between school-going adolescents. When you are not part of such group in your age who tosses around such statements as a matter of social badge, you will be outcast as a very uncool dude. And who wants to be left out in this age starved of love, affection and recognition?

Having said this, I am not averse to premarital sex per se if that happens between two willing adult partners who know its consequences well and have the sagacity and means to face them when things go awry. And I don't care where it happens, be it restaurants, jungle, Qutub Minar, a car or in a boat in the middle of Loktak lake, as long as there is no coercive force involved in the act, and public sense of decency is observed. I know some of you may be shocked by this viewpoint, but morality is a very subjective matter that means different things to different people. And mind you spirituality is not good enough defense when it comes to debating on thorny topic of morality. For example, Osho followers swear by fulfilling pleasures of the body which may be in contrast to the fundamental tenet of, say, Hinduism of sexual abstinence.

My arguments rest on one main precept: don't let someone take away your right to determine your sexual life and by corollary that also means not bullying someone into having sex with you by taking recourse to emotional blackmail. Any action that forcibly deprives a person of his/her legitimate individual rights should be condemned and stopped at their source.

And that brings to the question: how can we prevent restaurants from becoming the breeding ground of immorality and a slaughter house of human rights of our innocent girls? Remove all the cabins from the restaurants, ensure there is no electrical genius at work in them to control the brightness (or dimness) of the bulbs, confiscate the unnecessary curtains and donate them to orphanages, make licenses mandatory as in the case of liquor shops to open a restaurant and put the owners in jail when found not complying with any one of the measures suggested.
Period.

But far more effective will be assertive response from the "aggrieved" girls. They should tell their male companions in no uncertain terms that sex and love are two different things and should not be mixed as a matter of rule. Do not let anyone tell you that you don't love them if you won't have sex with them. If they are pressuring you to have sex, they do not have love for you, but rather are using you. They do not care about you, and you let them know your beliefs. If they break up with you because of this, then you are better off anyway.

But of course if you are a willing partner in your lover's advances, I have no business coming between you lovebirds.