TODAY -

The Right To My Existence ?
- Part 2 -

Louriyam Bebica *



"Give us also the right to our existence" -Stephen's plea to God in Radcliffe's The Well of Loneliness.
"We can't get any where if we're a hidden people" -Barbara Gittings in an interview with Philadelphia Gay News in august 2005.


In fear of his dad's cane stick he tried to fit into the world that was stated by his dad for him. Every second in the presence of his dad he pretended that he likes playing football rather than playing house -house with his sister. He acted as if he likes to keep short hair like his elder brother does. But he felt alienated whenever he tried to set himself into his dad's world Since his teenage he was clear of his sexual desires. But he was too scared to reveal it to the society and his dad. His dad often says he was out of his mind.

That remained him of Gittings' father's letter to her 'the book is obscene and immoral'. She should destroy it so no one else could set their hands on it. Her father's reaction on finding the book The Well of Loneliness in her room was same like his dad's reaction on seeing him with his mom's blouse. The only suggestion his neighbors and relatives gave to his dad was to beat him till his back bone is crush into powder. According to them this was the only way to bring his son to sense. That's what his dad did whenever Elan tried to the way he is. None came to tell his dad to talk to him and ask who is he really, what is his heart says on his existence.

He tried dating Mary. She was one of his class mates in his secondary college. He went on dates taking her on the bike his father bought for him. It was always fun roaming with her, cracking jokes. But it was not Mary's hip that turns him on but her elder brother's who came to drop her to college every day. He was in dilemma thinking he was dating Mary bcoz he loves her or it was to enjoy the pleasurable moments of watching her brother's hip. The answer felt more into his brother.

Most of the males of his college either ignored or make fun of him. They treated him like an untouchable. Every second he spent inside the college campus was as horrible as being on the stake of fire. The only two things that he liked in that campus were talking with Mary and watching her brother. With the support of his mom he convinced his dad to allow him to pursue the course of makeup artist. He met Tomba there, a guy from a nearby village. Since then they were inseparable.

The news of their relation wasn't a shock to Eli's family. However, Tomb's family was uncontrollable. His parents went to pour out the blame to Eli's parents.

- Bina …come out. Where are you hiding? A mother like you can do nothing than hiding. It is all because of the sin you did in your last incarnations; you gave birth to a son like him. Come out.

Tomb's mom was shouting so loudly that their neighbors began to gather.

- Iche ibemma, what happen?

Eli's mom came out hearing the noise of word's gun.

- Are you asking me what happen? Don't act too innocent. I hate to see that fake expression on your face.

- Iche ibemma, can you please cool down for a while and tell me what happen.

- Oh! Really? Don't you know that your so called son or half daughter has smitten my son with black magic? He didn't come home since day before yesterday and it is known to everyone that he is staying in your son's room that is above his parlor.

- Iche ibemma, I am listening to you silently doesn't mean you can say anything against my son.

- Ahaiyo…you are showing me your color. If I were you I would've committed suicide out of shame after giving birth to a son like Eli.

- Yeah, a woman like you who doesn't know the love of being a mother deserves to commit suicide. About my son I am proud of him. No one has the right to speak against my son.

- Oh! Really? I am speaking bcoz I got the right. You seem to forget that Tomba is my son. If you don't send my son home by today's evening then I will lodge a complaint against your son in the police station on the ground of kidnapping.

- Do whatever you want. Let me see who can touch my son.

Tomba's mom went off muttering and cursing Eli and his family. Though Eli's mom has challenged that no one can hurt her baby, deep down she knew that her baby gonna get hurt no matter how much she tries to save him. She broke down so wildly into tears that none could stop her. That incident took place before three months back. Tomba was send back home and things were cool down.

But Eli never spoke nor smiled since that day. With a sudden blow he came into the kitchen and announced his plan to get married on that day. His mom didn't know whether to be happy or bcoz her son spoke up or to be sad over what he spoke. None of them could sleep the whole night, Eli, neither his mom nor his sister. All of them were praying for a better day by the next morning.

The next day, Eli was fully dressed up in his wedding dress. He was looking gorgeous in that white dress. Few of his friends gathered to attend the marriage.

His mom came to attend despite strict restriction imposed on her by his dad. She came to be by the side of her son in every possible good and bad situation. Eli broke into tears seeing her there.

- Mamma thanks for coming.

- You are looking gorgeous, my child.

Lifting her face towards him, holding his beautiful face in her hands, she stared as if even aphsara couldn't compete his son in beauty.

- Who will conduct the marriage?

- Mamma, none agreed to do. So, one of our friends will do it.

- It's ok, my dear. Marriage is all about your heart bonding with your partner. It doesn't matters in which form you conduct it.

She didn't know if her words were soothing him or not. The only thing she could do was to try her best to make him feel secured. The schedule of marriage was set for 10.30a.m.but there was no sign of Tomba though the clock has struck 1.00 p.m. There were anxiousness and tension on every one's face that were presence there. She saw her son's hope melting in that crowd. Holding his hand tightly.

- Eli, don't worry he will come.

Eli's eyes were fixed at the entrance door of the hall. Though his mom keeps on assuring him he was afraid to face the truth that was coming in to his way. The time was 3.45p.m on the clock hanging on the wall of the hall. Ricky, one of his friends, came running.

-Eli, Eli, Tomba got eloped with a woman of his mom's choice.

The flowers that were in his hand fell on the floor. He said nothing, then tried to free his hand from his mom. His mom was still assuring him that things gonna be ok. He stood from the chair and walked serenely till he reached his parlor .He gave a painful smile to his mom who was following him throughout the road.

- Mamma, please go back home. I am ok.

- Eli.

- Mamma, I am late to open my parlor.

He walked up on the steps to open his parlor lifting the gown with his both hands.

Some said it's a dirty game, some said it's gift of God
Some think it's the reasons of ailments
Some accused it's the excuse of sex
Some argued it's the abode of two souls
Some blame I am a sinner
Some confess it's me & it's in me
why do you alienate me only bcoz I am attracted to my own sex
However it's a good feeling & God's gift
No matters how you coin me I will be I am
Bcoz isn't love universal?
Allow me on my existence.


[This short story is dedicated to every homosexual people to let you know that we love you all.]

Concluded .............


* Louriyam Bebica wrote this article for Hueiyen Lanpao (English Edition)
This article was posted on September 13, 2012.



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