TODAY -

Personal chit chat : Modi and Trump

Samarjit Kambam *



Roller Coaster Write brings forth to you a purely imaginative piece based on tête-à-tête between leaders of world's oldest democracy and world's largest democracy:-

Trump: Welcome to my personal chamber of White House. There's no surveillance system, no spy camera, no false walls, no security. You can talk freely here. You can pour out your heart to me. You can holler or fart as loud as you can or you can cry on my shoulder. Feel very free. Be yourself. I'll be myself too.
Modi: Thanks. (Mumbled to himself "Shit! You may not be aware that I was the one who stepped foot inside this room of White House before you do")

Trump: Any problem?
Modi: Oh! Nothing. Thanks for welcoming me with immense warmth. This is an open arm welcome for the people of India.

Trump: Sorry, you've taken it otherwise. Am welcoming you only, not the people of India. See, many of my fellow Americans are jobless 'cos of so many Indians in the US.
Modi (murmuring) : What an eccentric personality!

Trump: Pardon?
Modi: You've such an electric personality.

Trump: Thank you so much. Nobody here has given me such kinda nice compliment so far other than you. By the way, I have heard that you had been to the White House before?
Modi: Yes. During Obama's time.

Trump: So, you had been with Osama bin Laden the al-Qaida terrorist leader in this very White House?
Modi: Hell No. I was referring to your previous President Barack Obama.

Trump: Obama..Osama…Obama…Osama…
Modi: What's the matter, my true friend. I thought I heard a poem or something.

Trump: No offence please. If you may, would you please avoid mentioning the name "Obama"
Modi: Any problem with that?

Trump: You know, the name "Obama" always confuses me with "Osama" giving me goosebumps. Last fortnight I even sent a special unit of my Navy Seals to annihilate Obama confusing him with Osama thinking that Osama's still alive. I had to abort the mission at the last moment.
Modi: Did Obama know about this?

Trump: I don't care a damn. Now he's as quiet as a mouse in front of a cat.
Modi: You two don't seem to go comfortably well.

Trump: I get numb whenever I see him. How can I be comfortable with him when I get numb?
Modi: Well, lets do away with all this 'comfortably numb' stuff.

Trump: Alright. For the time being personal bonhomie matters. I am really worn out after that Indo-US strategic partnership talks.
Modi: OK. Lets call it a break after your so called Rose Garden Strategy.

Trump: I know very well that you know Rose Garden but how do you know about the Rose Garden Strategy stuff?
Modi: The weird thing here is that even if a meeting or a conference is held in the Oval Office which is inside the White House, every President of US used to call them Rose Garden Strategy.

Trump: Glad that you have known so much. You should have been born as my immediate neighbour.
Modi: Have heard that you have a passion for Goldenshower. May I also have a Goldenshower?

Trump: What? The 18 year old inside you is coming out. Control Control. There's no such thing as a Goldenshower. All are media hype, liberal media spins, y'know. Course, I watched a lot of Goldeneye and Goldfinger movies.
Modi: So you are a Goldwater Republican? Interesting.

Trump: Everything about me is gold. If you insist, you may see the list of gold jewelleries of my wife, the gold companies owned by me. Will be painting one of my private jetliners with gold shortly. However, I hate black.
Modi: So your animosity with Barack Obama is that he's black. Then you are a pure rascist.

Trump: Oh! You are bringing up the Obama stuff again. I only mentioned black not 'blacks'. I abhor Obama not because he's black. It's just that Michelle was my crush but he swept her of her feet even though I was a billionaire. It was the greatest defeat for me, even greater than the Presidential defeat which I had given to him. Even though I hate the colour black I still have this "black crush" inside me. By the way where am I? Oh! Colours. You know I always talk about colours and 'Fiery Red' is my favourite. That's why I fire so many people around here. Look at the colour of my Fiery Red tie.
Modi: Then why don't you change your black suit, your Presidential limo and your Air Force One into a Fiery Red one?

Trump: Hey! That's one hell of an idea. I am beginning to like you.
Modi: It is said that your face is an inspirational source of emojis. Many new emojis are coming up after your face. How do you feel about that?

Trump: Actually, I learnt the way my face twist and turn every moment from your bollywood actor Shah Rukh Khan when I was in the show biz. Y'know secretly I am a great fan of his.
Modi: Nice to hear that. However, one moment you look very relaxed and happy, one micro-second later you suddenly look gloomy like having some kinda mood swing. Could it be male menopause or some sort of withdrawal syndrome or have you got spasms?

Trump: Hey! Hey! My good friend. Am just trying to build up my personal image. Who knows I may be the only President of US to win an Oscar for momentary facial expressions without actual acting on a studio. I can teach you if you like.
Modi: Sorry sir, me no like. Me prefers to side with my hermit's look. My people love it.

Trump: There are many kinds of looks. No offence please but to me yours is a butcher's look which is the trend here.
Modi: Eh! What about your cozy relationship with the little Czar?

Trump: You mean Vladmir Putin? Oh! He really is, sorry, was a good friend of mine.
Modi: Have heard that the two of you are really close. Is there some kind of close bonding between the two of you?

Trump: What kinda bonding? I can't understand.
Modi: You know, the affair, the ….err…intimacy.

Trump: You mean physical intimacy? No way my good friend. Can't shut everybody's liberal mouth here. And when they say I am gay, don't believe them for I don't believe them either. Now, after the Syria bombing by me, our relationship has gone really sour.
Modi: This bonding stuff is too confusing. Oh! My head's spinning (And then Modi distanced himself away from Trump by about one and a half feet).

Trump: Relax. Take it easy my good friend. I made friend with Putin only for my benefit, just to beat Hillary in the polls. That's all. No thoroughfare. Everyone here is talking as if I was born and raised in Russia and was sent to become President of US. The media here is has gone the anarchic way. Have to prune this "negative mediaism" shortly. Lets see who has the last laugh.
Modi: So they are unvoting you one by one after voting you as President?

Trump: Lets drop the subject. So much about Americanism.
Modi: You are also a master in toying with social media. Me too.

Trump: But you have an advantageous edge. You are a good actor when it comes to politics. I only know how to create a few emojis and my unpredictable temperament which the people here call "Trumpranks"
Modi: I can teach you political acting. If you insist, I'll share some yoga ashans to you as bonus.

Trump: Its OK. My wife Melania teaches me Yoga every night.
Modi: Is it true that USA is known as "United States of Anxiety" after you have become President?

Trump: The Democrats are suffering from anxiety disorder. That's the hardest part I have to deal with apart from dealing with terrorism. Have to set up many psychiatric institutes for the democrats.
Modi: Have heard your people complimenting that you have an orange-gy complexion, more particularly when you are in a fit of rage. What message would you like to convey on that?

Trump: The previous President was Black. I am Orange. You know Orange is the new Black.
Modi: You might be aware of the Brexit movement. What if California tries to secede from the US Union?

Trump: California is the sixth largest economy in the world. Call it Calixit whatsoever. Won't let that happen. As long as I breathe. By the way, lets talk personal stuff.
Modi: Your American fellows call you a big mouthed, obnoxious, narcissist. How do you feel about that?

Trump: After I become President of US, negativity has filled the Americans. Maybe they are jealous of me because of my meteoric rise to fame. I don't care a hoot to what they say.
Modi: What about your personal relationship with Melania which you are older by 25 years.

Trump: Nice question. Though I've crossed 70 years of age, I can easily feed her below the waist. Y'know my….errr doesn't fail to rise to the occasion. On the physical relationship domain, she's quite satisfied with me even though I am light years older than her. Both of us are very compatible. We get along very well.
Modi: Wish that you always rise to the occasion till you reach 100 and build a strong family tree.

Trump: Thanks for your good wishes.
Modi: Its so nice talking to you. May Trump always triumph.

Trump: May Modi always gets modified (Here Trump is referring to – from a tea seller to a BJP trouble shooter, to CM cum Butcher of Gujarat to PM and later on to Guardian of the Galaxy).


* Samarjit Kambam wrote this article for The Sangai Express
This article was posted on July 10, 2017.


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