My Best Birthday
- Part 2 -
Louriyam Bebica *
Happy Birthday :: Pix - Martin Haobam
When I was back home, everything was ready. Mom kept the rice in the kitchen separately, the chicken was at the back of my house, everything that I will need was ready. Now the problem was how I carry the stuffs. My aunt suggested me to keep the other stuffs in the front part of the scooty and chicken was tight up at the back side.
When I got up to it, I was more or less like a delivery girl with many stuffs to deliver. Mom was worried and she came out till the gate to watch me going. You can imagine the scenario, one leisabi driving her scooty with six healthy chickens at its back, a bag of rice and the rest in front portion!
Almost everyone came out when they saw me. I know they were laughing at me though I gave a damn. I was not concern about their mockery laugh but I was happy thinking my kids will be happy to have a wonderful meal. Some street boys were teasing me calling out "leisabi ngaorabo nangbo, nasak ipha phajakhei yen mayam hon leiriduna". I didn't bother to turn and answer them back
I won't lie, I was a bit annoyed and embarrassed through those experience that I went through in that small distance from my home to the orphanage. But believed me, all those odd thought went off once I reached their ground. They came out running, seeing me there.
-Chiche lakkhre,chiche lakkhre...
I took a peaceful breath and muttered "this is my world, this is my happiness, it's worth getting those pains if it can bless me to see their eternal smiles on their faces". I had the best birth day with them. I allowed them to watch this 'Keibukeiyoiba' in laptop. Can you catch how they reacted?
It was like they were in a very high profile theatre. Just watching them made me feel 'wow, I love it. My birth day is worth celebrating not bcoz I am important but this moment of happiness on their faces means a heaven to me. People go to uncountable numbers of temple or pray day and night to get into heaven after the end of their worldly existence.
And here I stand, in heaven itself bcoz of them in my life time. I don't even need to die to be in heaven. Every time they smile I got a heaven in my heart. I wondered if heaven still has the heaven bcoz I felt that heaven is here, with them in their smile.'
Some people appreciated me saying 'you did a good job by extending your hand for charity. 'Frankly speaking, that word charity hurts me. Charity is where you do something out of any self involvement for the people. For me, it's not so.
As I said earlier too, I am not doing any charity bcoz they are not people for me .They are mine, a part of me, so it's my responsibility, not charity. And I wish many people can take up the responsibility not charity. The feeling of belongingness is what matters in life. I don't think my mom or any one of my family thinks it was a charity to love me bcoz I am a part of them.
Many people suggested me to pick up some kids among them and support in their education rather than running after every kid. They believed that if I do this they will remember me when they are successful in life. I appreciate their thought. My running after every one is very unsatisfying.
Both the kids and I always end up feeling why? Why we never had enough needs not even extra but the basic needs. That makes me weep the whole night after I come back from their place.
Some weeks back I was distributing the cloths I collected but it ran short before it was even half way to the distribution. The looks in their eyes haunted me even in my conscious mind.
I know the more number of responsibilities I handle, more kind of this feeling gonna bang me every now and then. It might become the reason of my own break down in my inner feeling of life.
No doubt, these unsatisfied situations are hurting me .This does happen every time I try to do something for them. The big in number is another reason why I'm not able to satisfy them.
At the same time, I am sure they must be feeling the same thing. But the problem is how do I choose among them?
If I go for Thethem, Ngul will be left out, if I go for Arun, what about Nganba? Here I need to take a long and smooth breath then go on for a long interview with those mothers who are working day and night to feed their kids.
A mother doesn't care you nor love you thinking you will remember her in future. The undying love that we receive from her never asks anything in return. Bcoz its 'love' you can never measure it.
I know their suggestion of picking intelligent kids and supporting them for their study is such a wonderful suggestion. I know I'm like the poorest mom in the world who doesn't have enough resource to give the comfort of life to her kids.
But I just can't do it. All of them are my kids; they are a part of me. I love them equally no one is higher, no one is lower.
So...it's like they were asking me to cut either my leg or hand. I will become handicap no matter which one I cut. When I look into my mom's eye it was like 'it's impossible, no mother can ignore her child for another'. No matters how poor she is, she will share equally on whatever she has even if it's just a more. But they told me was....
-Be practical Bebica though we understand your feeling.
Another word in the dictionary that often comes on my way from my dear ones is 'be practical', what do they mean by those words? Do we call loving only my family or dear ones as to be practical?
I don't know if it does, then I am happy not to be practical.
I could be wrong; I could be a person who can't be practical but I'm helpless I can't give the world to one kid and the rest to hell.
But I know there are other million people who will support my family and our world. Right?
* Louriyam Bebica wrote this article for Hueiyen Lanpao (English Edition)
This article was posted on September 26, 2012.
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