- Part 3 -
Louriyam Bebica *
Ingellei - Hedychium coccineum 'Disney' :: Pix - Jinendra Maibam
After class ten result was out, she left Manipur for her study. This decision of moving out from her home town caused her to lost the contact with her high school friends. And Nick, he was disappeared all of sudden, no where to find like Ranchor(Amir khan) in Three Idiot's movie.
She kept floating on the stream of time. She met many new people. Her life schedule was change .The only thing remain unchanged was her thought on Nick. Her hostellers tell her not to mention that name as they were tired hearing it. And the suggestion she gets was
-"Olivia plz MOVE ON".
She didn't understand when they asked her to move on. That process comes when a relation is over and become past. For her, she still feel how her lips were tremble on their first kiss. It could nt be a past as it bring a smile on her lips whenever she thinks of it. Every time, her friend try to set a date for her NICK was the opening and ending topic to converse with that guy.
-'You know I had a friend call Nick . He was like this like that bla bla…". The next moment she will realize that out of 2 hours meeting she spend 1and half hours talking about Nick. After the meeting is over, the friend who set her date will be walking ups and down waiting for her in her room to give a loud bash
-"Olivia what the hell you did. I send you there to talk to him. I didn't send you to talk about Nick."
-"I didn't realize it".
-"You didn't realize or you never wanna realize?"
-"I am sorry ok."
-"just forget it ah……."
Every friend who try to set her on a date was disappointed. The only request they 've on her was 'Olivia MOVE ON'.
The present society doesn't ve time to cry on a split. Everyone is in hurry and busy to MOVE ON. Though we use the tool of language to construction these beautiful words ' MOVE ON ',the real meaning is ' jump from one partner to another '. It's not no longer about soul mates. Now it's about mates for physical pleasure. People no longer believed on two worldly bodies merging in union into one single soul. Now two bodies connects for their needs. Can you believed Shahajan constructed TAJMAHAL for Mamtaj, Khamba threw himself in many danger just for sake of Thoibi? And we? We are so selfish, we love none than our own selves. We can see all the weakness and minus point in our partners but can never think of our own weakness. Loving is accepting his/her weakness, EGO has no space in love . Earlier
LOVE = FEELING + ATTRACTION
LOVE = ATTRCTION + SEX
Feelings is not there in latest combination of love. No one cares how you feel about your partner. What you care is –his/her bank balance,looks,stable position and satisfaction to your physical needs. For Olivia ,love should be the reason to sleep with her partner unlike her friends who sleeps to get love inform of security.
These were the two main problems her friend has with her
1. NOT BEING PRACTIACAL - here you' ve too be selfish, oppressed all your feelings to grab any opportunity that comes on your way, walk with the present situation-bribe if you 've to ,use your sexuality if needed, smile if it gives you profit.
2. MOVED ON - in simple sense it means jump on any eligible partner. You don't need to care how you feel about him/her ,dump your own heart if she/he still thinks of her/his past, cheat your emotion if she/he didn't see the glider world.
After 12 years of search she found Nick's contact number. They talked over phone and text to each other, some time. They were no longer in relationship. The only name she can give to the present relation was FRIENDSHIP. No doubt she wants more beyond that but she was aware of the fact that it was only THIS she can 've. She started packing her things five days earlier to their schedule to meet. She hardly could sleep out of curiosity and dilemma.
When she met him she learned that he was no longer the Nick she was searching for 12 years. Everything about him was changed. However he was still her Nick, her childhood sweetheart whom she has been searching for more than a decade. Her hope, her expectation from that relation has also dwindle with the pass of time. The only thing she wanted to do was-meet him personally, feel his lips for the last time and say SORRY to his ear.
Things didn't favor her in their last meeting too. She was not upset bcoz –this relationship can never happen again . What broke her into pieces was -he blamed that she searched for him only after he has hold of his POSITION. All that one decade's feeling was carried into a strong wave with his single expression. She said nothing. She walked out from his sight muttering
-"I need to MOVE ON".
God plan them to meet again .After ten years Nick met her in a church. He was stunned to see her in that dress. She was baptized to a nun.
-"Why?" Nick went to her and asked.
-"Bcoz you ask me to MOVE ON . This is the path I decided to MOVE ON. I can't throw myself to someone I don't love in name of BEING PRACTICAL and your so call MOVE ON. I value my feelings more than my need."
-"Olivia". Nick try to hold her hand but she moves back.
-"Marriage, relationship should be out of love, lust is just an addition to it. You know there were nights in that 12 years I could not sleeps even for a second thinking about you. I tried every possible things to divert my mind bcoz I was dying to get some peace and sleep. Belief me I didn't leave any leaf upturn to forget you . I tried taking sleeping pills to shoot me into my sleep, I tried flirting but every time they try to come closer to me I wish if he were YOU .
Nothing works, your image, your talk, your touch always linger with my breath. After much effort I realized that you are not SOMETHING that can be erase or SUSTITUTE. You were in me. You were my feeling. My body might grew old but the feeling will always remain as fresh as I had felt . Loving you was never my false .But realizing it LATE was my false. And I'm sorry for that."
-"Olivia". She gave a painful smile that Nick will never forget. She looked into his eyes for a while and moved out from there. She stopped after some yards and turned slightly to say slowly
-"Now I had MOVED ON".
"My heart doesn't beat faster when 'm with some one
My legs doesn't tremble when someone holds me
My lips didn't melt when someone kiss
My nerve didn't stop making me num when someone hug me
A narrow look, a mere touch
Leave me in the pond of LOVE and LUST
Love me the way you want but love me
BCOZ I love you so"
* Louriyam Bebica wrote this article for e-pao.net
The writer is a Ph.D. Student In Tezpur University , Assam and can be contacted at bebicalouriyam708(at)gmail(dot)com
This article was posted on March 22 , 2013
* Comments posted by users in this discussion thread and other parts of this site are opinions of the individuals posting them (whose user ID is displayed alongside) and not the views of e-pao.net. We strongly recommend that users exercise responsibility, sensitivity and caution over language while writing your opinions which will be seen and read by other users. Please read a complete Guideline on using comments on this website.