E-Pao! Essay - 2006 - A writer's dream

Time to patch up after the Conceptual Change about Marriage

By:- Shanjoy Mairembam *

Social Relationships & Interpersonal relationships between the guys & the gals of Today's are changing fast as scientific thoughts & social advances come about in their minds. Days' are gone "when women have to confine themselves just to the household activities and Guys taking the dominant role in social relations". Due to the growth of liberal societies, many women are visible holding good positions in many institutions and taking a responsible status on par with the men.

But, any changes in the social interpersonal relations have to be dealt with care and we should understand the possible impacts. One such case study is about the "Institution of Marriage". Keeping the discussion with the focus only on the various diverse cultures in India, the status of Indian women is beginning to grow up on par with that of the men.

Though we can find the news of "Dowry", "torture of married women by in-laws", "poor treatment of gals with respect to guys", etc at times; we do begin to hear the news of many powerful women emerging in our societies. Gals living in cities are more liberal & have realized self-dignity. Many gals are now working & earning in most cities. They are ambitious in their careers like the Guys.

They don't like to comprise just like that with regards to job & personal freedom for the sake of getting married. Gals now prefer to be single rather than getting into troubled marriages, because of the ability to earn & lead a secured life single-handedly with complete personal freedom.

They wish to wait till they find a life-partner who could understand the self-dignity of being a gal, with respect to their career & personal space. Thus, we can see many single & well-qualified gals in the age range of 27-35 yrs. in most cities. The number of such well-qualified singleton gals is increasing as the day passes by.

Though we can feel the improving living standard of gals on par with guys in our societies, ours is still a male-dominant society in common. Even though most of our guys are educated, they still allow their old parents (both literate & illiterate) & family members to continue the customs of "dowry" and other family rules to force the young gals to suffer physically & mentally targeting the gals' personal aspirations at the time of marriage.

This is indeed bad. It seems like no moral learning nor any moral value is coming out of the education one has obtained so far in their lives. Only a change on the mentality of few guys & few families won't be able to change the whole society. But, somehow the change needs to be started somewhere to allow the quantum change in the social interpersonal relations between the sexes.

Its time to understand by academically well qualified guys that they are the masters of Today's Generation & the creators of Tomorrow's. The future course of social relations & the various interpersonal relations between the sexes depends on them. Every guy has to understand the simple principle that gals too are human being like them who have the similar feelings & dreams in life to realize. Social norms & regulations should not be partial towards them.

If any such conditions are prevalent in today's world, Guys need to take the lead to make a change to allow the gals to breathe the same fresh air. There should be a mutual consent of trust & self-respect among guys & gals. A family is out of the relations between a man & a woman (after getting married) and the family may comprise of a gal & a guy at least as their children.

So, the point is we should not allow forcing ill treatment to the gals of other family that is going to get married to guys of our family. We should have the heart to feel what & how we will feel if the same disaster happens to gals of our own family. The happiness & prosperity of their wards is what every family wishes, whether it is a guy or a gal.

Guys of Today's generation should think to allow their counterparts to feel the same fresh air as they do breathe. They should create a mutual friendship with the gals even after getting married to them and have a soft understanding of the gals' feelings towards their personal aspirations & dreams too.

Though it is goodwill to mankind to uplift the living standard of the gals in our Indian societies, the gals do need to have thoughts where they are really heading, after getting much liberty & personal freedom. Today's gals are working as doctors, engineers, lawyers, civil servants, ministers, army officers, etc in every ways of living in our Indian societies.

Most gals of Today's believe on the concept of self-independence to find personal space, financial security & great heights in their personal career. They begin to loose the confidence to the institution of "Marriage" due to the fear of compromise on their freedom & personal career aspirations.

They are unsure of the situations that may happen after getting married to some guy of other family. They prefer to stay single rather than get into troubles of bad-marriages. They are not ready to sacrifice or compromise most of their personal aspirations just like that which they have worked hard enough to get at, for years.

But, we do have a saying "Too Much in anything is not good". Loosing the faith on "Marriage" is not a sign of good future in terms of social interpersonal relations. There needs a balance in the personal career aspirations & the family values (about the institution like marriage) by both sexes. The impact out of marriage between a guy & a gal who care only about their personal career ambitions & works will be heavy on their wards.

Lack of care & love on their kids will have huge negative impact on the kids' mentality & future life-styles. Not always hefty money & huge financial assets can help a kid become responsible individual in the society; rather they will create spoilt-kids of next generation who in turn will trouble the society. Not always good & great individuals come out of well-to-do family or families of well-earning father-mother.

Whatever the names & assets, the parents of Today's are earning will go priceless & worthless; if their own wards become spoilt kids who are unable to safeguard themselves due to lack of care while they are brought up. The parents may loose the helping hand & care of their wards at their old age, if they miss out to share the beauty of love & care of being in a family.

Then, what is the worth of medals & money, one has piled up in life so far, if one can't pass away happily when one is old enough to struggle for existence in this world. That is the key area that both Today's Guys & Gals need to think together more seriously. So is the need of discussion about the "Marriage" and the formalities around it.

May be both Today's single guys & gals are currently looking out for the "Mr. Right" or "Miss Right" who can understand each other concerns related to personal freedom & career aspirations; but, its not late to think about the possible consequences too, if they are serious about the future generations. Today's guys & gals can enjoy to the extreme they wish, whether as a single or as a couple (i.e. live-in relation) getting all the personal freedoms & respectable positions in workplaces.

But, Loosing faith on institution like "Marriage" will give a negative signal to the growing up kids, which may result in unexpected issues in future. Human society is differentiated from other creatures on the ground that we have strong bonding of love between parents & their wards.

Such is feasible out of the trust on the institution called "Marriage" as it keeps a binding rule on both the guy & gal. So, some genuine & special responsibility is imposed on both the guy & the gal getting married, to take care of the future of the newly born kids who are the safeguards of the coming Future.

Thus, it is time, that the well-qualified gals have a thinking on whether they are interested only on their lives of Today's or the lives of human society of tomorrow; and the guys too to have a thinking on giving a comfortable space to the gals so that the gals too can feel similar free atmosphere both personally & as a member of family in the society.

All such outcomes can be only be feasible, when guys & gals of Today's have a free-frank chat about the institution called "Marriage". Lastly, both need to remember these words - "Satisfying all personal desires & needs in one's personal life does not amount to doing any good of being born in this world; rather they both do have a responsibility to take, for the next generation as well, if the human civilization is to go on with respect on this Earth above other living creatures".

Shanjoy Mairembam, a Software Engineer, contributes regularly to
The writer can be contacted at
This article was webcasted on 08th March 2006.

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