TODAY -

Sober Thoughts

Dr. Farij Khan Epham *



Sharing honest, unsolicited opinions with family is significant in nurturing trust and understanding. It is a testament to genuine care and open communication. When we offer our perspectives, we demonstrate our commitment to their growth and happiness, even if it means addressing sensitive topics and, sometimes, unpleasant.

This proactive approach fosters stronger connections and minimizes misunderstandings. It also encourages reciprocity, where family members feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, creating a supportive and harmonious environment. Even though they sound blunt and unpleasing to ears, frank opinions can guide our loved ones towards better choices, ultimately leading to more fulfilling relationships and lives.

Silence is a tool to avoid confrontation, hurt someone, maintain relationships, and save oneself from embarrassment. Indeed, it helps to navigate rough waters.

But what if silence becomes a tool to break one’s not-guilt-free-pass-heart and inner conscience?

When to draw a line between diplomatic dealing (of the situation) and unfair escape (from the case) when the matter churns within one considers his family?

Will silence remain golden, or will it become a taboo?

And when does ‘sitting on the fence’ advice become a piece of honest advice?

Advice is practical advice when it is given with good reasons. A bit of advice that further creates a dilemma is not advice. It is a self-imposed blabbering to save the day! With family, suggestions, advice, opinions, views, ideas, and perspectives do not require solicitation.

You talk when you are asked to is a concept that usually works outside family – office/work spaces, public gatherings, institutions, meetings, and so on. With family, you volunteer your service without waiting to be asked. You remain silent on three things.

1. When you don’t know about the topic/matter concerned
2. When your opinions/suggestions/advice/help have a history of mocking, demonizing, disrespecting, and
3. When you are explicitly told to shut up and not to be involved.

However, the reality is different. Sometimes, situations compel us to experience the bitter side of non-acceptance. Such experience reminds us of the limitation of extending kinship bonds beyond one’s original family. You suddenly realize that you have only one family. The rest is in our imaginations only; one should accept this without grudging or delving into it.

When one has many issues concerning the inner circle members, they tend to care less about others occupying the outer circle. Often, people develop insecurity around people who eagerly want to help reverse the situation positively. The dilemma between love and responsibility creates insecurity and disdain, although the source and the endpoint represent entirely different personalities.

Insecurities often lead to insecurity among those lacking the moral will to acknowledge mistakes and misjudgments. They usually live in paranoid environments of being exposed to such insecurity. It may sound easy to say all these. However, our moral compass tells us one thing to commit – acceptance of the truth. Ultimately, fear will vanish.


* Dr. Farij Khan Epham wrote this article for e-pao.net
The writer can be contacted at fareezjnu(AT)gmail(DOT)com
This article was webcasted on 12 September 2023.



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