TODAY -

From the diary of an insomniac

Samarjit Kambam *



Wanna know how it feels like to be an insomniac? If you are pretty serious, you are in. Welcome to the jamboree.

Two hours of sleep a day is all I am enjoying at an average. If extremely lucky, the duration of my slumber may surge to three hours. The result for this pitiable predicament engulfing me could be my sedentary life style, bad eating habits and a lifetime of worse habits. Well, one reaps as he sows and now I am reaping the brunt of what I sowed during my bygone years.

To me, going on a fast is many times better than being deprived of sleep. Researchers have revealed that lack of sleep plays a pivotal role in creating numerous health hazards. I used to buy medicines that could bring me to sleep.

The irony is that as long as I take them, I would sleep pretty well but when I stop using them, my eyes would remain open the whole night, turning sides on the bed waiting for sleep to take me away. There were many occasions where I didn't get a wink of sleep at all. By the time I fall asleep, some early risers would be already in a 'rise and shine' state of affairs. Many a times, I have witnessed the first moment of sunrise before I get any sleep.

I have tried many things for sleep to get inside me. I tried gulping warm milk before going to bed, making my room a gadget free zone, abstaining from nicotine and caffeine in any form before bedtime, taking a warm bath prior to going to bed and taking deep breaths. But, so far, nothing has yielded any fruitful result. Light headedness has become my closest aide as though my mind is filled with vacuum.

Here, I still lay awake, eyes wide open, like a nocturnal animal. To add salt to the wound, loss of memory, lack of concentration and lack of enthusiasm follow me like a phantom wherever I go and whenever I look at the mirror in the morning I look like a worn out extra terrestrial simian freak lost in the desert.

Many use to say that the shortcut to sleep is to "Keep the mind blank". But how do someone keep his mind blank and by how much longer? Well, I tried keeping my mind blank but it would last only for a few seconds. Its easier said than done. All of a sudden, a thought would creep inside my blank mind from behind. After that another thought would jump down from above. Then from the right, from the left, from the frontů.there's no end to it. After the end of a thought another thought would automatically follow it.

Like a monkey in a huge jungle hurling itself from one branch to another till the end of the jungle my thoughts would carry on. Then one thought would leap inside before the end of a thought. Like a dream inside a dream I would experience a thought within a thought, a thought within thoughts and thoughts within thoughts. Like a bucket overflowing with water my mind would be brimming with thoughts.

Out of those multiple thoughts from all those lateral and co-lateral entries there'd be positive and negative thoughts and when the positive and negative thoughts collide, the sound of thunder and lightning inside my mind becomes quite palpable.

Someone would say, "Change the colour of your bed sheet and try". Course, I have changed my bedsheet from purple to deep purple, from white to brown, from orange to cream, from violet to sky blue and so forth but all those different colours and hues failed to click. I have experimented with pillows also. I have tried from a wafer thin to a half foot thick pillow, from a half-foot to a foot, from hard to soft, from soft to not so smooth, but all those failed to produce the desired result.

I had consulted a doctor. He studied my history thoroughly. When he and his sidekicks looked at me with unwavering and piercing eyes, like a mugger near an interrogation table, I guzzled out whatever was inside me, from my private life to my public life leaving myself hollow and dry, feeling like a skunk. After listening with unwavering attention he prescribed me some medicines and advised me to take out a thyroid function test. But the result of the test showed that my thyroid has been functioning normally and whatever hormones, you name it, have been found to be secreted in its desired quantity.

Taking the medicines gave me perfect sleep but a night without those meant turning on the sleeplessness switch. So I threw the medicines away for I don't want to become the socket of an 'On' and 'Off' switch. I would desperately wait for sleep on the bed but sleep would never come. The tedious wait, instead of bringing sleep usually awards me with an aching back urging me to toss and turn towards the right, towards the left and vice versa.

Then, outstretching one hand I would lie with my face on the pillow as if I am taking part in a swimming competition. After that I would turn my body into an assorted collection of different athletic poses. As if those were not enough I would assume the pose of superman in his flying pose and spiderman in his somersaulting pose. Maybe my brain's wiring system has been-deep fried by all those lightnings inside my mind. Maybe the nerves of my brain must be hard-pressed to an intolerable extent or my brain's neuro transmitters must have lost their destined paths towards the gateway to sleep and travelling haphazardly as per their whims. To sum up, the nerves of my brain are in nerves.

Thus, 'ifs' and only 'ifs' would hover in my mind further leaving 'ifs' as its residue. If there is a Virgin Spring that could wash away my insomnia, I would go to the end of the world to jump into it and relish the water for a thousand times. If anybody could tell my where the River of the Lord is, then I am ready to swim in it for the umpteen times. If an equipment that puts someone to sleep instantly is available in the market, then of all people I would be the first one to buy it. If there is a fountain which could wash away my insomnia, I would sit under the water of the fountain and let it wash me till the end of time.

One night as I was struggling for sleep, I could distinctively hear the sounds of "Cock-a-doodle-do" from the mini poultry farms of my neighbours. A cock doodled pretty hard with a high shrill, another with a gruff and husky sound and the next with great monotony as though it has lost faith in itself. When I looked at the clock it was 2 a.m. After a gap of half an hour or so they would take turns like security guards relaying the whistle till the reverberation covers the entire compound by doodling-doo all over again and it went on like that till sunrise.

As nights pass by, the doodling sounds became quite familiar in my ears and now I can even tell the names of their owners as they doodle do till the end of the night. Bizarre benefit for sleepless nights ?

Now, it has become an intrinsic part of my mindset that the more I can't get to sleep, the more I envy persons who straightaway go to sleep during the middle of a conversation, those who drool in a slumber whenever they sit in front of a TV, those who pop away to sleep before their heads hit the pillow. Well, people talk of sharing happiness and sorrow but sleep can't be. That makes sleep all the more precious to me.

I desperately want to buy some sleep. Folks, do you have any?


* Samarjit Kambam wrote this article for The Sangai Express
This article was webcasted on September 04, 2016.



* Comments posted by users in this discussion thread and other parts of this site are opinions of the individuals posting them (whose user ID is displayed alongside) and not the views of e-pao.net. We strongly recommend that users exercise responsibility, sensitivity and caution over language while writing your opinions which will be seen and read by other users. Please read a complete Guideline on using comments on this website.




LATEST IN E-PAO.NET
  • Gaan-Ngai @Chingmeirong : Gallery
  • Gaan-Ngai - festival of Kabui #1
  • Protest against CAB [Jan 15] #2: Gallery
  • Gaan-Ngai, Festival of Zeliangrong
  • Understanding Mao Tse-Tung
  • Of Vernacular & my Enlightenment..
  • Teacher wanted at Tekcham High School
  • Demanding release of Kishorechandra
  • BJP's Agenda : Curtain raised
  • Topping in enrolment in pvt schools
  • Imoinu Erat Thouni #1 : Gallery
  • Gaan Ngai :: Flash Presentation
  • CAB Protest [16 Jan] : Gallery
  • Dr Thokchom Asha: Teacher Award
  • Cry of a Dying River - 62 :: Poem
  • Occasion & festivity as career choice
  • Rejoinder to NDPP on CAB by NPF
  • Saving tomorrow for our children
  • Open invitation to Mission schools
  • Women's Intl Polo [Jan 17] : Gallery
  • A Hymn for Goddess Emoinu
  • Manipur tops enrolment in private schools
  • Variance of laboratory results
  • A Christian perspective on solidarity #2
  • Inner Line Permit (ILP) Demand :: Timeline
  • Naga International Trade Fair at Dimapur
  • Has Loktak mortgaged to Company
  • CAB: Lining up public convention on Jan 20
  • Purnima Ngangom (Printmaker) :: Profile
  • CAB Protest [11 Jan] #3 : Gallery
  • Poetry Of Manipuri Women Authors #2
  • CAB & scoring 21 out of 25 ?
  • Complications :: Poem
  • North East Business Summit at Delhi
  • Almond oil is the ultimate skin care
  • The Bill that haunt the government
  • Over 50 police personnel chargesheeted
  • Insurgency related incidents in NE states
  • Myanmar border fence going nowhere
  • Protest against CAB [Jan 15] #1: Gallery
  • CChongkhong, Apanthou :: eMing
  • Crop diseases & organic way of managing
  • War and Poetry :: Poem
  • Landeng-Pena yakaiduna Poster Campaign
  • The Killing Fields 2013-18 : News Timeline
  • Condemns communal nature of CAB 2016
  • PCC, Arunachal Pradesh on CAB, 2016
  • CAB and other issues before LS polls
  • Sit-In against CAB [Jan 14] : Gallery
  • CAB : Our Identity & Culture is at stake
  • Re-Imagining the Naga Peace Process
  • Demand for ILP :: Articles/Photos...
  • Northeast Startup Summit 2019
  • Ponder them to live like human beings
  • No Shield for Manipur against CAB
  • Missing link: NE, CAB & obscure assurance
  • JCILPS Protest against CAB : Gallery
  • AMUCO Rally against CAB : Gallery
  • Poetic Justice - II :: Poem
  • Makar Sankranti Musing
  • Biren should release Kishorchandra
  • New archaeological site in Senapati
  • A Christian perspective on solidarity #1
  • New craft gallery to promote NE products
  • Rights body warns Nagas on Article 371 (A)
  • NE Black Day against CAB : Gallery
  • CAB Protest [11 Jan] #2 : Gallery
  • Narendra Modi @ Imphal #2: Gallery
  • Myanmar-India Business Summit, Sagaing
  • Cry of a Dying River - 61 :: Poem
  • Preventing the Dengue threat
  • NPF on Citizenship Amendment Bill, 2016
  • Nagaland Chief Minister On CAB 2016
  • Hijacking by pseudoscience
  • Mr. CM, you can't fool people on CAB
  • CAB 2016: Adoption of foreign citizens
  • CAB Protest [11 Jan] #1 : Gallery
  • CAB & question of India's North East
  • Poetry Of Manipuri Women Authors #1
  • Local actions for #GlobalGoals
  • Know your HIV status
  • Pope Francis - the last Pope!
  • CAB is unsecular discriminatory bill
  • When Govt. disregard Constitutions...
  • Citizenship Bill: An exceptional exception
  • The Walking Lady : A Short Story
  • 4th Convocation Ceremony of CAU
  • The Voice of Silence :: Poem
  • Against CAB 2016 : 6 Student Bodies
  • Need for a separate time zone
  • BOOM MMA : 'Manipur Top Team' members
  • Against Citizenship Bill Act 2016
  • Lt Gen Rajeev Sirohi at Spear Corps
  • Is the middle man responsible
  • Economically weak at Rs 8 lakh per annum ?
  • Umanglai Haraoba: Traditional Institution
  • Strike against CAB : Gallery
  • People - animal conflict
  • Fine on relieving in public
  • Flawed/divisive Citizenship Bill dangerous
  • Broken :: Poem
  • Meetei gi mayokta leiba Political party..
  • NE uniting under shutdown call : CAB
  • Trains in NE to get 'glass-top' coaches
  • Yubi Lakpi #2 : Gallery
  • Freedom's fault lines
  • Traditional Manipuri Curries
  • Governance in Multi-Ethnic States
  • Understanding animal welfare
  • Unite against corruption for development
  • Manipurgi Maraibk Kari Oihougani
  • On restoring of director of CBI
  • Citizenship Bill : scourge for NE
  • Feel good factor from UNC
  • New Year picnic at Sekmai #2: Gallery
  • A tale of two falcons
  • Artificial Insemination in livestock
  • The Naked Truth :: Poem
  • My itinerary visit to Veeranapalya
  • Test for Free Coaching for IIT/AIIMS
  • Critique of Transgender Persons Bill
  • Press Rejoinder from NPF [7 Jan]
  • Nagaland Cabinet on Citizenship Bill
  • Can we expect something from govt
  • Mova Cave, Ukhrul #2 :: Gallery
  • Sangai Fest: Sumo Wrestling #2 :: Gallery
  • Maipaksana RK: Entrepreneurship Award
  • Poetic Justice - I
  • IIT-G Technology Incubation Centre
  • Sana Chahi Ahum & 1857 revolt #2
  • Economics of climate change & growth
  • Singhat Students tour to Delhi & Agra
  • Congress against Modi on Rafale Deal
  • Press Club celebrates foundation day
  • NSF to impose 11-hr bandh on Jan 8
  • 518 drug traffickers arrested in 2018
  • Gangmumei Kamei Memorial lecture
  • Taking the Street Vendor seriously #1
  • WWII museums in Japan: Gallery
  • Schedule : HSLC Examination 2019
  • Schedule : Class XI Examination 2019
  • Schedule : HSE Examination 2019
  • Caste System in Contemporary India: Book
  • Save energy and save your skin
  • Benefits of henna for beauty
  • Coronary In-stent obstruction treated
  • A take on PM visit to Imphal
  • No over the top promises, assurances
  • Narendra Modi @ Imphal #1: Gallery
  • Management of commercial broiler farming
  • 61st CC Meet Football Tournament 2019
  • Noise Ruins & Blights Lives
  • Social media & freedom of speech
  • Cry of a Dying River - 60 :: Poem
  • Declare war against air pollution
  • Winter relief at Thanga
  • Of monologues and conveniences
  • Raising posers before PM's arrival: Cong
  • Irengbam Bedamani :: eRang Photos
  • Poireiton Chakhao at Loktak Lake
  • Hojang :: Poem
  • New Year: Challenges & opportunities
  • One Rank One Pension Paper (OROP)
  • Fasting before diagnostic tests
  • Open Mic. event at Agartala
  • Happy New Year '2019' :: NPF
  • Naga Peace Process :: News Timeline
  • Respecting life & the trust deficit
  • Need to look beyond New Year-2019
  • New Year picnic at Sekmai #1: Gallery
  • May the Year 2019 bring integrity of Manipur
  • Sangai Fest: Evening Prog #2: Gallery
  • What I learned from Kishorchandra detention
  • Charlie, the angel :: Story
  • Against NSA to Kishorchandra Wangkhem
  • Quality New Year
  • Reminder to PM on Pravish Chanam death
  • What is there to be happy on New Year
  • Nupi Lal Ningsing Lamjel #4: Gallery
  • Eyek Tamba :: Learn Manipuri script
  • Village Authority in Hill Areas of Manipur #2
  • Sana Chahi Ahum & 1857 revolt #1
  • Local leaders commit to #endTobacco
  • Transformation of China in last 40 years
  • Boys Hostel for Pangal Students
  • From the diary of an insomniac - II
  • From nomenclature conflict of oral tradition
  • Gearing up for Parliamentary polls
  • Dimapur Meetei Council donates
  • Bye Bye 2018 !!! : Gallery
  • Manipuri Calendar for 2019 : Download
  • Featured Front Page Photo 2018 #6: Gallery
  • Unforgettable Revolutionary NK Sanajaoba
  • Life's pain :: Poem
  • New Year resolution of our honorables
  • Certificate distribution at Namsai, ArP
  • Indo-Myanmar Relations : Talk @ MU
  • Butchering a Pony for meat! Shameful
  • Top 5 Indie/Alternative Picks of 2018
  • Sangaithel Park @Sangai: Gallery
  • A view of Ukhrul Town #1: Gallery
  • January Calendar for Year 2019 :: Tools
  • National Mathematics Day & Ramanujan
  • Thougal Jagoi @Sangai: Gallery
  • Snowfall @Tamei, Tamenglong : Gallery
  • China spreads across Indochina Peninsula
  • Ningol Chakkouba Shopping a#2: Gallery
  • Cry of a Dying River - 59 :: Poem
  • Match words with actions to #endTB
  • Hacking : Base of all cyber crimes
  • Illegal adoptions in hospitals
  • Controlling the school transporters
  • Detention under NSA : Stand of MUSU
  • Xmas: Churches @Lamphel : Gallery
  • 27th Imphal Book Fair #2 : Gallery
  • The Crying Call of Motherland :: Poem
  • Kwatha Festival #3 : Gallery
  • 12th Manipur Polo Intl #2 : Gallery
  • Oinam Dilip : Rising Star Award 2018, Delhi
  • Harvard Leadership Program at Don Bosco
  • Christmas @Churachandpur : Gallery
  • UN Rapporteur briefed on Kishorechand
  • Nupi Lal Ningsing Lamjel #3: Gallery
  • Irengbam Bedamani - Actress :: eRang
  • List of Restricted Holidays for 2019
  • List of Public Holidays for 2019
  • List of General Holidays for 2019
  • Ningol - mapam lamdam : Gallery
  • Fabrics of Bangladeshi Manipuri: Download
  • Manglandasu Nang - OST :: e-pao Radio
  • Old Manipuri Movie #1 :: eRang Classic
  • SPONSORED ADS